The Marked Woman
by Frida D
Summary: Lord Sesshomaru leaves 12 year old Rin to be raised by an aristocratic demon family (that rules a human village) so that she may become a proper lady. But what happens when Rin grows up and figures out that being a "lady" is not enough to survive in this world.
1. The Human

Author's Note: Extended italics denotes personal thoughts ;)

* * *

She had never cried so many tears in her whole life. Not even when her family was massacred by wolf demons. She couldn't understand, and she didn't _want_ to understand why Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken would leave her now. She seemed to be a help to them; at least that's what she thought. She actually thought that Lord Sesshomaru was growing fonder of her presence, a little bit more affectionate each day. But now she was here and there was no promise that she would see him or Master Jaken again. For Rin, this was like losing the world.

"Rin, you are to stay with the Fugashi family", Master Jaken said with little command he had.

"They are pretty much demon royalty in these parts, and if anyone, besides Lord Sesshomaru of course, can protect you and raise you into a fine lady, it would be these royals…plus you will be able to be around your own kind since the esteemed Fugashi rule this human village"

Rin didn't care who or what they were. She didn't care about being around humans or not. She liked what she had, and had no desire to become a "lady", whatever that was. When did Lord Sesshomaru start to care about that?

"I want to be with you, Master Jaken, and Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin yelled with heart breaking emotion. "I'll do whatever you want, and I'll never give you any trouble again!"

"That's no matter foolish young girl, you're getting too old for the Lord, and you can't expect him to take care of such a weak and burdensome human for such a long time!" Jaken spouted feeling slightly guilty for responding so coldly. But Lord Sesshomaru and him both knew that Rin could no longer travel with them.

Rin's tanned face was riddled with streams of tears; her has disheveled hair sticking to her round cheeks. As much as she wanted to be with Lord Sesshomaru, the idea that she was simply a burden to him and Jaken made her little heart hurt deeply.

"I understand, Master Jaken." Rin whispered, her head hanging low to hide her pain.

* * *

"Are you sure in this decision, Jaken?" Sesshomaru asked as they stood near the edge of the village his face stoic as usual.

"Milord, she is no longer a little girl! She has started to become a _young woman_. She's 12 years old. We cannot take care of such a thing!"

Jaken recalled that horrific morning in the forest when he found Rin covered in blood. He panicked thinking she had injured herself again while foraging for food, and knew Lord Sesshomaru would reprimand him when he returned from his venture. However when he anxiously looked for an open wound, she was not cut or injured at all! He shuddered as he recalled fainting when Rin said worriedly, "Master Jaken, I think I'm ill! Blood is coming out of me!" When he came to, he rushed Rin to the nearest village and paid a human woman to help Rin take care of her female problems.

"Milord, the Fugashi family can raise her like royalty! And she will have the company of humans, while still under the protection of demons!" Jaken spouted trying to sound confident.

"I never particularly cared for the arrogant Fugashi family, or ever considered them _royalty_. Sir Fugashi is undoubtedly a war hero, but their bloodline is no where near pure…" Sesshomaru said with a condescending tone. Then letting out an irritated sigh, "But I guess Sir and Lady Fugashi can offer her the proper upbringing for a lady…"

"Milord, you need but trust me and the plans I put in place. And just as we discussed Lord, when you finally are able to permanently return to the West palace, we can call for Rin. This will ensure her good future" Jaken anxiously reassured Sesshomaru.

"Hn" Sesshomaru replied his eyebrows knit together, his amber eyes tightly focused on the village where he was leaving her. _Rin is getting older…and why should him leaving her bother him so? She was just a human_. But he couldn't deny it. She wasn't just any human; he had grown _attached_ to her.

Continuing on into the forest beyond the village, Sesshomaru looked back once more and couldn't help but feel he was losing something. The unusual feeling bothered him and he looked away, and resisting the temptation, he refused to look back.


	2. The Burden To Bear

Author's Note: Hey All! I am super new to this, so please keep the comments constructive and the hate low ^_^ Just a warning this gets sad :( Poor Rin, we're on your side! Can't wait to hear reader's thoughts :) I will disclaimer that I am and will be creating quite a few completely new/original characters around Rin (but I'll get some the the OG in there!), this is just my lens and take. I'm psyched on this storyline...hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Rin _loves_ Lord Sesshomaru! Rin _loves_ Lord Sesshomaru!" the Fugashi twins teased Rin as she stood there her hands clenched in fists.

"Like Lord Sesshomaru could ever love **you** , a pathetic human girl!" they taunted her in perfect synchronization while making mocking kissy faces at her.

"Shut up or I'll make you regret it, you ugly excuse for demons!" she shouted, a single tear accumulating weight and power in the corner of her eye. _Don't cry, Rin. Don't._

Ichiro and Toro looked at each other jestingly, ready to continue to taunt the unhinged Rin. But a shock of fear struck them both when they gazed back at Rin and her clenched fists were up and she was about to swing. Just then the twins' mother, the Lady of the House, entered. She had overheard the conversation from behind the door and decided to step in.

"Rin, you will make no such threats to my boys!"

This was not the first time Lady Fugashi was reprimanding Rin. Rin had actually grown quite accustom to the constant chastising, she knew she was nothing like Lady Fugashi or her family and it was painfully obvious that she was the black sheep of the house…not to mention, the scapegoat for the twins as well. _I hate those boys. I hate everything they say._ Rin's bottled anger seeped through her teary eyes and Lady Fugashi decided she would have no more of this feisty and defiant girl. Lady Fugashi was intent on making this lesson one that would stick.

"…And you WILL learn something very important right now, Rin..."

The Lady's eyes narrowed on Rin. Rin's body tensed, preparing herself for the impending judgment.

"You WILL understand, Rin. You will _NEVER_ be fit to have any relations with Lord Sesshomaru or than servitude. Our Lord left you here. You are to be a humble servant and well mannered lady not just for our Lord, but for my family and our well-respected name!" Lady Fugashi yelled in hushed tones trying to maintain her poised demeanor.

"But Sesshomaru cares for me!" Rin blurted out, tears now flowing down her cheeks.

Lady Fugashi's eyes burned on the young girl, her glare giving even the Fugashi twins chills as they delighted in Rin's emotional execution.

"NEVER again address the Lord of the West WITHOUT his rightful title! NEVER again."

Lady Fugashi's teeth gritted as she clenched a fist. _This belligerent girl! How lucky she was the that the Lord of the West entrusted and paid for her care…if not, she'd be a pathetic rat on the village's streets. I will break this girl. And I will make her a lady if it's the last thing I do. I will uphold the high name of the Fushagi House._

Rin's eyes fell low as Lady Fugashi took a deep inhale, preparing to take her last blow at Rin.

"This is it. Listen carefully, Rin. You will learn what our Lord expects of you. You were his ward, and now you are mine. With his power he _saved_ and _spared_ your lowly and worthless human life. The only thing you are to Lord Sesshomaru is _indebted_. You will become a _lady_ and be a pleasing reminder to all that our Lord of the West spared your pathetic existence and made something out of you, a simple human. He neither loves nor cares for you, he owns you. And you will not shame Lord Sesshomaru or the Fugashi name. You will not be his _burden_."

Lady Fugashi's words were like broken shards on glass stabbing at Rin's very soul. In that moment Rin's heart broke. She ran to her living quarters to hide herself. For months she had resisted and rejected everything that the Fugashi Household said and represented, but today she could no longer combat it. It had been almost a year since she was left here, and without a single word from Lord Sesshomaru or Master Jaken. She wondered if what Lady Fugashi said was truer than her old feelings and memories…Lord Sesshomaru hadn't even formally said goodbye to her. _But I love Lord Sesshomaru…_

As Rin lay crying on her bed, Lady Fugashi's words resounded in her ears. _Lowly and worthless human life…he neither loves nor cares for you…you will not be his **burden**_. The words burned like a fire that would not die out. Rin cried until there were no tears left in her. She felt as if she had nothing to offer, no reason to be wanted, to belong or to be loved. Rin, for the first time, seriously questioned if Lord Sesshomaru ever really cared for her. She was here after all. Exhausted and alone, Rin fell asleep.

* * *

When Rin awoke the next day despite her swollen eyes and dry throat, she felt a glimmer of hope reemerge in her. After last night, she had accepted that she was indebted to Lord Sesshomaru and that she had in fact been a burden. But she had not yet accepted that she couldn't somehow make herself **less** of a burden. _I can become a lady and make my Lord proud and respected. If somehow I can be more pleasing and less of a burden, maybe he'll come back and take me with him_. _Maybe he could care for a Lady…_

With that thought, Rin had something to hold onto. She dedicated herself to this expectation she was told she needed to fulfill. She would become a _lady_ , and the best one possible. She wouldn't fight it anymore. She wouldn't resist Lady Fugashi's teachings even if they were full of hurtful words. She would give up her wild tendencies if it meant her being something other than a burden to the ones she cared about…the one she loved. For the first time in her whole stay at the Fugashi Household, Rin took off the old Kimono that her Lord had given her at her last birthday. The peachy colored fabric was tattered from their constant travels through the forest, but Rin loved it. To her, it was perfect. Rin walked to the small fireplace in the corner of her room, slowly creeping the Kimono in her hands towards the searing embers. _I should burn this. This is the old Rin. The new Rin will be nothing like her._ Rin's hands hesitated, clenching the fabric tighter. _I can't, I can't let go of this…but I can make myself forget it_. Rin rushed towards her bed and took an old cloth and wrapped the Kimono tightly. She pawed at the floors near the edge of her bed looking for that squeaky spot she always heard when she got up in the morning. She managed to pop a piece of the floor square up just enough to slip the old Kimono in. _There. Old Rin is gone and out of sight…but safe._


	3. A Lady In Training

A/N: Italicized sentences = personal thoughts.

So I've been on a writing frenzy, trying to use the momentum while I've got it :] So, here is a significantly longer chapter! Hope that's a good thing lol. Without further ado, enjoy!

* * *

"Rin!" Lady Fugashi quipped as she waited for Rin outside her room.

Rin walked out of her living quarters in her new kimono, a soft and elegant powder pink . She felt uncomfortable in it, it felt a bit too silky on her skin, it felt foreign to her. But Rin knew that 'comfortable' meant it would be something of the 'old' Rin.

"Ahhhh, that's a good first step!"

Lady Fugashi looked Rin up and down, admiring the simple and feminine kimono she had chosen for her new student.

"Although, we have much to do…" The Lady stared at Rin's face and hands, tanned like a peasant who had been working in the fields.

"That will not do...not at all."

Lady Fugashi was pleased that she could finally begin to mold this defiant human into a fine lady. Even though it would take much work, she was demon royalty, **the** Lady Fugashi, and **she** would make the Lord of the West proud of her student.

Rin stood there, now terribly uncomfortable under the gaze of the Lady of the House. She felt like she was naked and that the Lady could see every imperfection. _I wonder what she sees? I wonder if she can fix me? God, I don't want to do this..._

"Ok, young lady…"

Rin was stunned, that was the first time the Lady of the House didn't refer to as some type of pesky, human girl. Rin felt that glimmer of hope flutter a bit inside her. _Maybe if Lady Fugashi can like me my Lord could grow to like me too_ …

"Stop daydreaming, Rin!" the Lady scolded,

"Let us begin our first lesson…"

The Lady began to walk down the hall, expecting Rin to follow in her steps. Rin scurried toward her. Without looking back the Lady began to speak.

"A lady does not clamper around, she walks as if each of her steps could barely break a cloud...though your steps will never be as soft as a lady demonness of course, but that doesn't mean it can't be exceptional."

Rin bit her lip, trying to to ignore the stinging words. She shifted her stare to the bottom of the Lady's draping kimono, watching it float and drift over the floor. The Lady's steps were so silent and swift. _I've never noticed how loud or quiet anybody's steps are_. _Lady Fugashi's are so…soft._ Rin noticed her own steps, heavy and quite boisterous in sound. She paused for a moment, looking down at her feet and then taking one step at a time trying to be as quiet as possible.

Lady Fugashi noticed the sudden stop of following footsteps and looked back. "Yes, Rin. Quietly. But don't stare at your feet, keep your gaze low but graceful". Rin tried to embody something graceful as she continued to walk, she had to imagine something to conjure up this "graceful" appearance.

"Ahh, that's it! You are a quick study, Rin!"

Lady Fugashi praised Rin and praised herself for her masterful teaching. As Rin continued walking the halls, Lady Fugashi stopped the human servants and in hushed tones boasted of her newfound success.

"Look! See the young lady has already changed so."

Rin continued walking, a soft smile emerged on her face. No one needed to know what she was thinking and why she felt graceful, just as long as she could perform well. The 'why' would be her little secret. _This is how I would walk next Lord Sesshomaru. This is how I would be by his side._

* * *

[A little more than 3 years later, Rin is 16]

Rin had been an exceptional student, and was becoming an exceptional lady. Rin had managed to change herself dramatically. Instead of being constantly insulted and demeaned, she was adorned with compliments on her lady-like nature, manners and appearance. And under the constant eye and teachings of Lady Rin and her assistants, Rin found herself becoming the lady she was supposed to be, and expected to be.

"Riiiiin"

Lady Fugashi called in her delicate and intentional "lady-like" voice, waiting for Rin to grace their revered guests with her skilled shamisen playing. It seems the countless hours of practice had paid off. The prided themselves in her playing.

Rin walked towards the door, sliding it open and gently bowing before entering. Her hands behind her, she kept her soft gaze low and didn't look her guests in the eyes. She barely looked at them at all. She focused on her duty. She quietly sat down in the center of the room and dawned her Shamisen from behind her. Looking to the Master and Lady of the House she waited for their approval. Master Fugashi gave her a nod and she brought her gaze back to the ground before her. A moment later she was playing her instrument. She was undoubtedly skilled. The soothing sound resonated through the house's chambers and not a person in the room made a sound. In these moments, Rin internally felt a sort of freedom…a sort of unparalleled power. At first, being a "lady" took a lot of submitting and she couldn't help but feel as if she was losing a part of herself. BUT in these rare moments, when everyone who once criticized and laughed at her gazed upon her with admiration and respect, she felt she was strong. She clandestinely loved and savored these moments. _You're doing it Rin, you're making him proud._

When the song ended and Rin gracefully bowed and lowered the shamisen to the ground in front of her concluding her performance, a gentle clap of hands ensued.

"Is she not the most elegant and skilled musician in these lands?" Lady Fugashi praised looking to the honored guests with pride and joy in her eyes.

"Indeed she is", one the guests agreed in a low and regal tone.

Rin looked up for a moment, gazing upon the stately man seated several feet in front of her. He caught her deep brown eyes looking at his and grinned at her brazenly. Rin's gaze immediately dropped down to her shamisen, waiting for the moment to pass and for the red to leave her face. She had never entertained outsiders before, only local villagers and family. And she had never seen a man look at her that way, it made stomach tie into a strange knot. _Be a lady Rin! Be a lady. Do not be a burden. Make them proud._ Rin internally scolded herself and reminded herself of all the lessons she had learned. _I know how to be a lady, this Rin will make her Lord proud_. Rin gracefully rose from her seated position and began to walk towards the door to exit since the Master and Lady had made no indication to stay.

"Lady Rin, would you not honor me by staying in my presence" the smooth voice spoke once more.

Rin felt the blood rushing to her face again, caught off guard by the man's request. Her hand already on the door she didn't look back. _Just dismiss me, please._

"Yes, Rin, you shall stay and entertain our valued guest" Master Fugashi stated firmly.

Rin knew there was no other option. Master Fugashi was a royal demon in these parts and rarely interacted with her or much of his family for that matter. When the rare occurrence of him speaking happened, everyone took noticed and obeyed immediately. It was best to follow his directions and make yourself useful. Rin remembered her first interaction with the Master of the House…

[FLASHBACK]

"Th-thank you for caring for my well being and education, Master Fugashi", Rin stuttered as she tried to remember Lady Fugashi's words about how a proper lady would thank her Master.

 _Breathe, Rin. Just Breathe._ He was such a stern figure, always removed and stoic…kind of like Lord Sesshomaru...but not the same at all. Rin never felt so uncomfortable around Lord Sesshomaru. Rin took a quick glance at the Master of House, seeing his face clearly for the first time. He was a fierce tiger demon, a renowned war hero known for his ruthless ability. Oddly, he looked more like a human in features. His dark black hair pulled back in a tight bun and and his black eyes sharp and narrow. However, his forehead bore three, vertical, black stripes—his markings. He was definitely a demon. He wore those stripes like a badge of honor and Rin could sense his power and superiority he held. Rin had heard that in battle he transformed into his demon self, a ferocious and merciless tiger, but she had never seen this herself. Supposedly, the Master of House remained in this form to rule the human village with as much peace as possible, it was said he wouldn't change form for anything less than war. Rin always felt a pang of fear when near Master Fugashi, so she did her best to avoid him. His appearance reinforced that gut fear, from what she could see he was not the warm or welcoming type.

In that moment, Rin suddenly she felt Master Fugashi's gaze shift onto her like a weight bearing down, crushing her slowly.

"Leave my sight, human." The Master of the House turned his gaze away and waited for Rin to make herself unseen. Rin instantly knew that she once again was considered a burden and utterly useless. After that day, Rin tried her best to stay clear of the Master of the House, and to her best ability make herself an asset him...that she may in some way gain his approval and respect, eventually. _I will not be a burden._ She repeated this mantra in her mind every time she entered the same room as the Master.

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

"Yes, Master Fugashi" Rin responded to the Master of the House as she turned away from the door she so wanted to exit, her fingers were hard to pull away.

"I would love to see the Fugashi Gardens. Lady Rin, I've heard it's beauty is truly breath-taking" the low and smooth voice addressed her once again.

Before Rin could even process the words of this unknown man, another comment was inserted,

"Indeed. Our Rin shall escort you" Master Fugashi gestured back to Rin without taking his gaze off the guest. Rin had taken her place, seated slightly behind Master Fugashi, waiting in submission.

"Yes, Our Rin will tend to you, Baron Hara." Lady Fugashi assured the man with a smile.

 _Baron Hara? This was the notorious Baron she had overheard Lady Fugashi gossiping about a week before?_ _Isn't he the one she said had many valuable connections? Isn't he the one she said could 'bring good fortune to the Fugashi Household'? Rin, you need to pull yourself together and make the Fugashi Household proud_. Rin arose from her seated posture and walked slowly towards the Baron. When she stopped a few feet in front of him she felt his heavy stare on her and her stomach clenched. Without a word he picked up her hand and pressed his lips to her bare skin. Rin blushed heavily and instinctually wanted to pull away, but she quickly remembered her place and manners and endured what seemed like an eternal kiss. She had never had her hand kissed, and it made her feel something strangely unfamiliar. When she momentarily looked into his eyes, which were locked on hers, his expression was quite sinister. His eyes were dark emerald green and his long hair black hair was pulled loosely into a ponytail. His jaw was sharp and defined. _He was very handsome. B_ ut for some reason the look in his eyes made Rin want to retreat. It was obvious he was wealthy, his clothing made of fine materials and his mannerisms distinguished. And Rin could tell by the long grin across his face that he was enjoying how uncomfortable she was. _Who is the man? And why does he care about me?_ The kiss finally ended and Rin drew her hand back to her side. She was now very uncomfortable, but she knew her place and duty was clear.

"We shall see you at our shared dinner table tonight, Baron Hara, shall we not?" Lady Fugashi walked towards him, fanning herself in this social dance she performed epically.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world, My Lady."

Lady Fugashi blushed and fanned herself then bowed in front of the Baron before returning to the standing Master Fugashi by the door.

"We shall see you at the table then" Master Fugashi took a short bow and then slid the door open and exited with Lady Fugashi.

 _Now what?_ Rin's gaze was on the door that just closed behind the Master.

"Show me your Garden, Lady Rin" Barron Hara whispered in her ear. His warm breath against her neck made Rin stiffen. No one had ever spoken to her in this manner, and she didn't know how exactly to feel about it. She was obviously internally fighting her uncomfortable state. _Is this ok? Master and Lady Fugashi wouldn't leave me with the Baron if they didn't trust him. I must perform, just like the Lady of the House._ Rin remained silent while her mined raced with continuing questions and mild panic. Baron Hara reached for Rin's hand, and at the grasp of her hand Rin was prompted to move or be trapped in a closer embrace. Her formal etiquette training kicked in. She immediately took a step away, moving towards the doors leading toward the Gardens.

"Shall we tour the Fugashi Gardens, Baron Hara?" Rin brought her gaze up to his eyes even though it felt so unnatural. Rin felt so uneasy with Baron Hara and his three guards she had noticed he had traveling with him. While Baron Hara was brazen and charming, they stood several feet behind him and were stoic and silent and it's as if they didn't even breathe.

"Tsk. Tsk. Call me Ryuu, My Lady Rin" He grasped her hand again, pulling her closer to him.

"Let us not worry about all these formalities. I hope I did not frighten you, I only wish to get to know you better…I already like you so".

With those last words Rin found herself stunned. _He already likes me? But he's only known me for a few moments. Is this what being a lady is truly like?_ Her eyes came up to his and widened slightly. The Baron's eyes suddenly looked more genuine and trustworthy to Rin. _He likes me, and wants my presence?_

"I've done it. I've scared you away" Baron Hara released Rin's hand and began to bow. "I shall leave you to recover from my playful terrorizing. My apologies for my bold advances"

"No!" Rin eeped out and surprised herself.

The Baron grinned and stood upright looking at Rin's innocently panicked eyes.

"So you want me to stay?"

Rin felt conflicted. He had made her feel terribly uncomfortable at first, but he also seemed to be politely apologetic. _Maybe I'm just inexperienced. Maybe I just need to continue on and do my duty and it will get easier._ She knew she had to continue regardless of her feelings because her role was made clear by the Master and Lady of the House with their last commands.

"R-Ryuu, please do not let me shyness disrespect you…I would be honored to escort you through the Gardens" Rin bowed her head and then looked up at him. He was smiling widely, and in that moment Rin saw this endearing and playful man before her. His emerald eyes seemed powerful yet inviting. She resisted any desire to be playful back and internally focused on her role as a lady in training of the Fugashi Household.

Ryuu gazed at the shy, young lady in front of him. After a moment of silence they began to walk towards the door and Rin began to lead Ryuu. Silently his guards followed then into to the Gardens. By the end of their tour of the Gardens Rin found herself finding it hard not to giggle at the Baron's kind and flattering words. Even though she was polite and even a bit standoffish, the Baron somehow made her feel so…wanted. He praised her presence and lavished her with personal compliments. And Rin secretly enjoyed feeling so wanted and desired, it was something she was not use to feeling.

At the end of that day, Rin felt drastically different about Ryuu than she had in those initial moments of meeting him. She lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling is a bit of a daze. _He's so kind and gentle and it's so easy for him to say how much he enjoys my presence. No one ever says those kinds of things to me. I've never felt so wanted in my whole—_ Rin thought of Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to erase her last thought. _Rin, you will never be_ _ **wanted**_ _by Sesshomaru. Don't even think about that, Rin._ Rin no longer needed the reprimands of the Lady Fugashi or her assistants to remember her place. Rin knew very well how to reprimand herself, she had mastered that skill a long time ago.

* * *

When Rin awoke the next morning, she sat up and began to lower her feet to the floor. She heard the squeak of the old floorboard and immediately thought of her tattered kimono. Rin hadn't thought about it for a while, but with last night's thoughts she couldn't help but think of that old piece of fabric and of Lord Sesshomaru. She wondered if he'd ever come back. She wondered if he ever thought about her. Before Rin could ponder anymore on the subject, Lady Fugashi knocked at her door.

"Riiiiin? Will you being joining Baron Hara for his village visit today? He loves to see the marketplace of each village he visits. And you promised him at dinner last night that'd you join him, and as a lady you should ALWAYS keep her word. Remember that lesson, Rin?"

Rin remembered Ryuu's invitation and her promise to oblige. She took a deep breath and got up. She didn't mind spending time with Ryuu, he was so sweet to her after all. _Ryuu wants my company._

"I do remember, Lady Fugashi. And I will keep my word as a lady"

Rin looked at the single floorboard that hid the wrapped kimono below. _That is the old Rin…she was a burden. This Rin is a lady in training. This Rin makes them proud_.

"I will be ready shortly, My Lady." Rin began to change into her kimono and prepare for her day with Baron, Ryuu.

* * *

A/N: Uh Oh! Could Rin fall for Ryuu? We shall see...


	4. Shattered Pieces

A/N: So this is just a heads up/warning that this chapter does get more explicit in themes/nature. You've been warned.

* * *

It had been month since Ryuu and his men arrived in their village, and Rin had surprisingly grown very fond of her time with the handsome Baron. She had finally begun to feel truly comfortable around him. As always, the Baron was brazen with his affection for Rin. He spoke of her highly and constantly flattered her. It was nice to be the object of someone's affection rather than the constant scrutiny and criticism.

"Will you join me for a walk through the nearby forest today, My Lady Rin?" Ryuu outstretched his hand to hers.

 _I never get to walk through the forest anymore!_ Rin felt the excitement in her welling. Her faced shined as she smiled brightly. She truly relished in these excursions with the Baron, and was now happy to fulfill her duty to the Fugashi Household.

"I'll take that as a yes" Ryuu winked at her and grab her hand.

* * *

"You do realize Lady Rin, that I will have to take my leave soon"

Rin's eyes fell to the ground as they continued their walked deep into the old forest.

"I've already overstayed my welcome, a month is a very long visit, even for a Baron."

Ryuu lifted a hand and signaled his guards to stay as they continued on. Rin lifted her head and looked back briefly in concern.

"Don't worry about them, I just want a moment alone with you before I leave you, my dear Rin."

Rin blushed and was again flattered by his show of affection and care for her. She tried to hide this feeling but she could see that grin on Ryuu's face and she felt helpless to his show of affection. They continued walking for several minutes then Ryuu stopped near a large tree. Rin didn't want him to leave; she had grown accustomed to their conversations and daily adventures. She had grown attached to his care for her. Rin closed her eyes. _I don't want to be left again…_ Suddenly Rin felt herself pressed against a tree, Ryuu's body against her. She was stunned and in shock. Without a moment to think Ryuu's mouth was on her lips and his hips pinned her. She felt herself pressed against the tree behind her. Within a moment Rin's body stiffened and her hands pushed against his chest.

"No more formalities, Rin" Ryuu purred in her ear, licking it with his tongue. Rin squirmed in total discomfort. _What's going on? What is he doing?_

"Get off me, Ryuu!"

Rin pushed harder with her hands but couldn't break his hold. Ryuu, keeping his body fixed against her, halted his movement and brought his agitated stare to her eyes. His heated gaze made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

"No one is here, Rin"

He leaned his face in closer.

"Only my men are nearby. You don't have to pretend anymore. I know you want me and that's okay because I want you".

He leaned in further to continue to kiss her soft lips.

"Stop!"

Rin turned her face away, denying him. She felt his hands clench around her arms, his nails painfully digging into her skin.

"Rin, did you not hear me? No one is here."

Ryuu watched Rin look in the direction they had come from.

"My men will not come unless _I_ order them to"

His hand brought her chin back so that she had to face him. He brought his gaze back to hers. Looking into his eyes Rin felt that same unsettling presence she felt in that sinister smile he had given her that first day when they met. _Who is this person? This couldn't be the Ryuu she had grown to know. He cared about her and would never harm a lady._

"Ryuu, I am a _lady_ and you are a Baron, you don't want to—"

Ryuu broke out in laughter throwing his head back and then bringing his narrowed eyes back to meet hers, that sinister smile now stretched across a black-hearted face.

"LADY? Are you serious, Rin? That's what you think will protect you? Well, _Lady_ Rin, I, your beloved Baron am going to teach you something"

He leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"A lady is just a helpless woman with wonderful manners"

His hand grabbed at her kimono and pulled to until the fabric tore.

"Please stop, Ryuu! Please, I beg you, please!"

Rin was now crying and grasping at her torn kimono. Ryuu grabbed Rin and threw her to the ground.

"Help me! Guards, help me!"

Rin screamed at the top of her lungs, sobs between each breath.

"They will not come for you, Rin. I already told you, they answer to me and only me. Now be quiet and this will be over quick."

* * *

Rin's eyes stared up at the swaying branches of the forest tree above her. _I remember lying under a tree just like this one when I was with Lord…_

"Get up, Rin." Ryuu hissed at her looking away from her bare body.

 _Where will I go? How do I keep breathing? I feel completely numb._

"I'm not going to repeat myself", Ryuu's voice was agitated.

Rin suddenly heard the sound of approaching footsteps and reached for the torn kimono beneath her desperately trying to cover herself with not much success. She clenched her eyes shut; she didn't want to see anybody. She didn't want to be seen. She abruptly felt something land on her stomach.

"It's a fresh kimono, just like yours. Put it on."

Rin opened her eyes and saw Ryuu gesturing a thanks to his guard for the kimono. The guard's eyes met hers just for a moment and Rin felt fire all over her body. She was exposed and broken. His eyes quickly darted away as if to avoid a contagious curse. Ryuu glanced back at her and she froze.

"Put it on **now**. We need to return to the Household, the sun is beginning to set."

Rin was in utter shock, she felt so entirely destroyed and she couldn't think of going on. Ryuu's gaze came back to her suddenly and he took a step towards her. She instinctually drew herself away like a maimed animal, digging her nails into the dirt to brace herself.

"Do _I_ need to dress you?" Ryuu smirked with his eyes narrowing on her.

"N-n-no", Rin managed to utter the single word.

He gestured a hand, signaling her to get moving. Rin arose slowly, holding the torn kimono around part of her body with one hand and using the other to hold the new one against her chest. She was instantly drawn back to that first moment she arose in front of the Baron after playing her shamisen. _I wish I had never met you. I wish I had never been in that household._ _I wish I were never alive._ Rin walked behind the tree and dressed herself. She could hear Ryuu laughing at the fact she was changing behind a tree.

"Still holding onto her lady like manners" he snickered to his guard.

Rin's tears poured over her wounds. And as she dressed her shattered body she wished for death to take her. But it did no such favor for her.

When Rin emerged from behind the tree Ryuu resumed his role as the charming Baron. Rin felt she had completely lost her mind was reeling in a state of shock. _Who is this man? How can he be so carefree? How can he continue on as if nothing has happened? What is he planning to do with me? Do I have to marry him? Did I have to live with this man?_

"Let me go, please let me go. I won't tell anyone, I promise." Rin's tears streamed down her cheeks once more, they felt as if they were endless.

"You won't tell anyone. No one would believe you anyways…you're just a lady in training, a simple orphan."

Ryuu grabbed her hand tightly.

"Rin, it would be best for you to pretend this never happened. If Master or Lady Fugashi were to ever hear of any rumor of inappropriate action on my part it would sadden me to have to tell them of your promiscuous advances toward me…"

Rin's eyes widened with horror

"And of course the lying nature of orphans. What a shame upon their family. The Hara Family would have to cut all ties. What a pity."

Rin felt her heart stop within her.

"Who do you think they will believe anyways, Rin?"

Rin's mind raced through the past four years of her life with the Fugashi Household and suddenly her breath was stuck in her throat. He knew the position she was in all too well—he had watched her closely, listened to the Fugashi's speak of her; he knew her place in the Household. Rin lowered head. And without another word they continued their walk back to the Household. When Rin finally approached the Fugashi House, she left Baron Hara's side without a word or bow. The moment she was out of his sight she ran to her living quarters, avoiding any and all people. _Run, Rin! Don't stop running._

* * *

Rin was scrubbing her body, trying frantically to get Baron Hara's scent off of her. She had been in the Fugashi's private bath for hours and the water was now freezing cold. _I can still feel him. I can still smell his scent. Get this off me!_ Rin scrubbed her skin raw then collapsed in muffling her sobs; she could see droplets of blood forming on top of her skin. She felt broken and shattered into a million pieces. She felt alone like nothing she had never felt before.

"Lady Rin"

Lady Fugashi knocked at the door. Rin was frozen. Just hearing someone call her 'Lady Rin' made her body paralyzed in a state of terror.

"Riiiiin?" The Lady called again now knocking harder at the door.

Rin took a deep breath, realizing she had been holding it for who knows how long. She looked at the blood stained cloth she had rubbed against her body; this body she no longer wished to have or be in. _Say something, Rin._

"Y-yes, My Lady?" Rin managed to force the words out of her lips.

"Shall I come in? What is taking you so long?"

Rin heard Lady Fugashi's hands on the door.

"No!" Rin's voice suddenly loud and sharp.

The moment of silence after her shout was growing and Rin knew it was making the Lady suspicious. _Say something, Rin. Say something!_

"Thank you, My Lady, but I am fine, I just needed to unwind. I will be out shortly"

Rin's voice was astonishingly calm and graceful. She performed well…as she was taught to.

"Ok, well finish up speedily, we can't have your human body catching a cold."

Rin agreed with a gentle sound and listened in relief as she heard the soft steps of Lady Fugashi drift away from the door. Rin couldn't feel the cold of the bath water. She couldn't feel anything. She looked down at her bruised and decimated body once more, tears dripping from her bloodshot eyes. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to cover her pain.

* * *

When Rin was finally able to make it back to her living quarters without being seen she quickly blew out her light to ensure that anybody passing by would think she had already gone to sleep. She walked through the darkness searching for her bed, taking one careful step at a time. She took another step closer she heard the abrupt "squeak" of the floors and the sudden sound made her nerves stand on end. In the darkness she jumped for her bed and landed on the soft padding, and instantly she curled up into a ball with her body. Without a moment's notice, Rin's mind seamlessly moved from a state of physical terror to the haunting reminder of the squeaky floors…and the held secret they held for her. _The kimono…Sesshomaru...how could she ever…_ Rin's plans of making a lady out of herself and earning Lord Sesshomaru's respect seemed pointless now. She was an unworthy, indebted, and a burden before but... _Now what am I?_ Rin had mourned the loss of most everything in her life, but she had never had to mourn losing herself. _I have nothing left._

When Rin noticed the last light from outside go out she inched off her bed. Lying down on the cold floors she crawled through the dark searching for the squeaky floor square with her hands. Her fingers pressed and the creaking sound emerged. With her eyes closed she clawed at the board until it opened and she reached in for the bundle of fabric. _I'm sorry…I'm so sorry._

* * *

The darkness was like a blanket over the forest, her face and body only illuminated by the light of moon above her. Rin had managed to make it to the forest without being seen, most everyone was asleep. Rin walked without fear now. Her mind was consumed with only the sound of the wind passing through the trees. It was a sound that brought back old memories. It was a sound that actually made her feel safe. But when the sudden memory of looking up at the tree branches swaying as she lay naked on the ground attacked her, that momentary peace was gone. She clutched the bundled kimono to her chest. _I'm sorry, I am so very sorry_. This was the same forest she was destroyed in earlier that day. _This will be where I die_. This time Rin wouldn't ask death to take her...she would do it herself.

* * *

A/N: RIIIIIIN! I KNOW. I feel awful just writing this chapter! It was really f***ing hard :'( Don't hate me too much, I swear this is going somewhere! Sorry to leave you hanging here. What do you guys think so far?


	5. I See Fire

A/N: For those of you waiting in total anxiety for Rin, here comes the next domino. Brace yourself! lol. Warning: Explicit language ^_^

* * *

Rin's feet touched the water; it was so cold it felt tingling hot. The river was so beautiful and calm. It looked like a black flow of water illuminated only by the ethereal light of the moon. _Take me away from this world_. She lowered her arms away from her chest and stared at the bundled kimono she held tightly. It seemed so small and so old and distant. She whispered to the kimono,

"I'm sorry old Rin, I failed you…I was wrong."

Rin began to step further into the water, she gasped as the breathtaking cold seized her body. She could no longer feel her toes or even her feet. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. _Take me away, river._ Rin took another step forward. She could feel the river's current pressing against the side of her ribs beckoning her to give up resistance and be swept away. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably, her body being to shake from the intense cold. She began to take another step.

"Don't take one more fucking step!"

Rin froze, shocked by the sound of a person's voice. Quickly looking around she couldn't see anybody in the dark. Her body was now shaking and felt as if was going to seize. _This is my only choice_. Rin lunged her body forward into the black abyss. Everything went dark.

* * *

"You are a fucking idiot."

Rin's freezing body felt as if it floating and being pinned to the ground all at once. She could barely keep her eyes open, but all she could see was the blur of the ground. _Am I dead? Am I free?_ Rin was incoherently mumbling her thoughts out loud.

"No you're not fucking dead!" that strange voice spoke again.

 _Can this thing holding me hear my thoughts? Is this a spirit taking me away from this world?_

"Stupid girl…yeah this _spirit_ is carrying your ass." the voiced grunted.

The little vision Rin had left began to disappear…everything went dark.

* * *

Rin awoke and immediately felt pain stab every inch of her body. Everything was sore, and she could barely move. Rin's eyes darted around the room she was in, her vision still very blurry. She was suddenly overcome with fear with the realization she was not in her own room.

"Be still" a strong voice whispered from the dark corner across the room.

"W-where am I? W-who are you?"

Rin tried to move from the cushion she lay on.

"Be still!" the voice louder and now more demanding.

Rin froze in place. A moment later she saw what looked like a woman walking towards her and Rin's eyes widened.

"There will be a time for talking, but for now, you rest."

The woman placed her hand against Rin's forehead.

"Sleep, child."

Rin felt her heavy eyes closing on her. The warm hand felt soothing against her throbbing headache. She had no clue where she was or who she was with, but she couldn't care now. Her body felt so heavy and broken. _What does it matter, anyways?_ After all, she had been ready to die…so why fight now?

* * *

When Rin's eyes slowly opened a stream of daylight crossed over her body from a window beside her. She could see the dust dancing in the golden light arching over her. For that moment she watched as it illuminated the whole room. _It's so beautiful_. The moment of peace didn't last long though. She heard the abrupt sound of a door slide open and slam shut, and instantly her body tensed and her eyes widened with fright.

"Good, you're up. Come here, girl."

Rin looked in the direction of the voice. Her eyes landed on a woman. This woman was strange to Rin. Her black hair was unusually short for a woman and bluntly cut at shoulder length. And amidst her thick hair she had two…cat-like ears. Her orangey eyes were like cat eyes, but larger and fiercer. _She looks kind of like that Inuyasha I met a long time ago…Oh my God she's a…hanyou?_ The woman before Rin, whatever or whoever she was didn't wear a kimono. Her clothing oddly resembled that of a man's attire. Regardless of her clothing, the woman looked intimidating and was a complete unknown to the girl that lie in front of her. Rin was beginning to feel she had made another big mistake, fear tingling up her spine.

"Calm down girl, and come here."

The woman gestured with her hand for Rin to come. Rin slowly and shakily got up, her body not nearly as sore as the last time she had been awake. She hesitantly took gradual steps towards the woman.

"My name is Azumi."

The woman gestured again, now signaling for Rin to take a seat at the table to the side of Azumi. Rin sat and crossed her legs and Azumi sat down across from her. Rin had so many questions running through her mind. But when Rin looked down at her seated posture she realized she too was wearing the odd clothing of a man. _How did I get into this? Is this a man's hakama? Who dressed me?_ Rin's eyes widened again.

"What is your name, child?"

The woman looked straight at her with those inhuman, feline eyes waiting for a response. Rin looked back up meeting the woman's fixed gaze, her orange eyes staring at her even more intensely. This woman, Azumi, made her feel frightened. Rin could feel the blood leaving her now pale face. Rin could feel this dread begin to build up in her. But Azumi's clawed fingers tapped on the table and Rin was reminded she was waiting for an answer.

"M-my name is R-rin…I'm a w-ward of the F-fugashi Household", Rin finally responded softly dropping her gaze low out of respect…and training.

"Look me in the eyes when you speak to me, Rin."

This statement jolted Rin. She was instructed never to hold a strong gaze, but rather keep a soft and low gaze out of respect of lady-like humility. Azumi poured some tea into a small, crude, ceramic cup and placed it in front of Rin. Azumi flicked her hand over it motioning Rin to take it. Rin picked the small cup up with an unsteady hand and took a small sip; she tried to hold the cup in as much of a courtly manner as possible.

"So…you're the missing Fugashi lady in training, eh?"

Rin looked confused. She didn't realize anyone thought she was missing. She had only gone to the river last night.

"It's been a week, Rin."

Rin's eye's widened again, but her head remained low as if she couldn't bear to look up. Azumi watched the girl carefully, studying her every movement.

"So was my half-brother's Household that bad?"

Rin's eyes shot up. _Did she say 'brother'? Oh no, when Master and Lady Fugashi find out— when Lord Se—Why couldn't I have died that night?_

"Relax, Rin. I have no intention of _forcing_ you to return, or making you do anything for that matter."

Rin looked up again for a moment, now searching Azumi's eyes. She felt a tiny glimmer of relief at the woman's words.

Azumi looked at her squarely, and her fire-colored eyes felt as if they pierced into Rin's soul with perfect precision.

"Rin I can tell you've been through a lot. When I pulled you out of that river, which was fucking cold I might add, you were in _very_ bad shape…"

Rin's head dropped again, ashamed that someone had caught her in the act… but more ashamed that she had failed to complete it.

"Rin, I want you to listen to me carefully, and what I am about to say…"

Rin brought her disgrace-filled eyes back to Azumi, tears now welling.

"Do you want to make the person who hurt you pay?"

Rin's attention was abruptly caught. _What does she mean? How could she possibly_ _ **know**_ _?_

Azumi snapped her fingers in front of Rin's dazed eyes.

"DO YOU WANT THE PERSON TO PAY?" Azumi repeated herself loudly, her eyes now fiery and fixed.

Rin's head dropped, tears falling from her face and her disheveled hair hanging down like a curtain over her. When Rin's eyes closed **_his_** face flashed in her mind. Rin's body constricted and her hand dropped the ceramic cup she had been clenching without notice. She heard the hard sound of the cup hitting the table and felt the warm liquid begin to drip on her lap, but she couldn't move. **_That_** **face**. She squeezed her eyes tighter trying to blot out that insidious image from her mind. All she wanted to do was run away. Rin remained silent and her body numbly shook.

"If you want to run and hide, you are welcome to do that, Rin…but let me make something very clear to you that I have learned. No matter where you go or where you hide, there will always be _his_ kind around. You can't escape that. And even if you do escape from here, what's to keep it from happening again?"

Azumi placed her hand on Rin's trembling hand and gripped it gently. Rin was crying heavy streams now, her mouth uttering broken, breathless sobs. Rin felt herself unraveling. Azumi's words cut at the only the strings that were holding her together and she could feel her spirit falling apart.

This flood of emotions and this inescapable feeling of being wholly exposed overwhelmed Rin. She felt beyond naked; she felt stripped of very her skin and bones. She kept thinking of **that** day and reliving the nightmare that clawed at her soul and consumed her at her at ravenous pace. _I can't go on. I can't. I am what everyone said…I'm weak and worthless…a burden…a burden to even myself._

Azumi watched the girl, and she could see she was losing her. Azumi recognized the darkness that preyed upon Rin and it's power to devour her. When Azumi had brought the unconscious girl back to her cabin that fateful night, the girl looked as if she had barely survived a tsunami. And when Azumi tended to Rin's mangled body, Azumi knew…this girl had endured something much, much more horrific. Azumi's hand grasped tighter onto Rin's, she wouldn't let this human girl lose this fight.

"Then there's killing yourself, that's another option…and if you want that after all than I won't stop you again…but you know what that means, Rin? Do you? It means that little shit WON. You want him to WIN, Rin? You want him to take every little, last, piece of YOU? You want him to take EVEN MORE away from you?"

Azumi paused for a moment.

"Are you going to **allow** **him** to keep taking from **anyone** he pleases?"

Rin felt her stomach clench. A spark in the darkness caught within her. Amidst the broken sobs and flooding tears she suddenly remembered pushing Ryuu away as hard as she could. She could feel the pressure in her hands, remembering them beating against him with all her strength. She remembered screaming until her voice gave out. She remembered fighting until she had nothing left in her. She remembered the bruises that had covered her body and how they now reminded her of the war it had endured. A flame had ignited within Rin. Azumi tightened her grip even more around the girl's hand. She could see the embers of something powerful catching inside of this girl.

"So, I will ask you once more…Do you want to make the person who hurt you pay?"

Rin's fixed gaze came up to Azumi's eyes. Her tear streaked face now fiercely unflinching. As Azumi stared into the young girl's eyes she could see the voracious fire that was now ablaze in Rin's soul.

"Good. But **YOU** will have to make him pay."

* * *

A/N: Ohhhhh snap! I don't know about you guys, but that last scene gave me chills! This girl is on FIRE! lol :3 Hope you all are enjoying where the story is going...more to come! Let me know what you think ;)


	6. The Price of A Secret

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! Happy you seem to be enjoying the story as much as I am. And yes, up to this point is has been horribly sad :'( If only I could provide some cyber tissues lol. Anyways, here's the next chapter! Alsoooo..I'm considering creating my own cover art for this story…to do or not to do?

Warning: Explicit language (from which character? haha I think you know)

* * *

[The Fugashi Household, the morning after Rin tried to commit suicide]

Azumi stood in front of the seated Master Fugashi, her eyes flagrantly fixed on his.

"You never did know how to respect your elders, Azumi."

Master Fugashi's voice dripped with disgust and resentment; his temper clearly unsettled this morning.

"I respect only those who have earned it, Sato."

Azumi looked around the room, observing the finely decorated chamber. Paintings depicting her half-brother's victorious war stories hung on the walls. She narrowed her eyes on one and shook her head.

"Why are you here, Azumi?" Master Fugashi asked, obviously irritated by his hanyou half-sister's presence.

Azumi brought her eyes back to him and took a step closer.

"Your ward is missing, is she not?"

Master Fugashi's eyes widened in shock, he immediately stood up with his hands clenched. His eyes flickering with a fiery, orange color.

"You have Rin?!"

Azumi didn't flinch, she didn't even blink.

"Azumi, you will be lucky if I spare your life! For taking that girl, you will pay gravely!"

Master Fugashi's claws began to extend, Azumi in the crosshairs of his red-hot gaze.

Azumi casually looked away from him, unimpressed by his show of anger.

"I never _took_ anything. Your girl ran away."

Master Fugashi looked stunned and confused, his breath stuck in his armor -covered chest. Azumi could see his mind at work as it tried to figure out why the girl ran away and why she had gone to Azumi of all people. _Useless idiot. Who knows how long it will take him to work through those pompous thoughts of his. Guess I'm just gonna have to spell this out for him or else I'll be waiting here forever._

"Sixteen year old girls do have a flare for drama, Sato. Even ladies in training can run away from home…perhaps her first love left her and she couldn't bare the thought of being without him?"

Master Fugashi was still catching up. _Baron Hara did take his leave just yesterday…_ Azumi looked back to the distressed and speechless Master and sighed a long exhale of disappointment.

"Don't worry, half-brother. She'll return."

Master Fugashi looked back to Azumi, shocked by her lasts words. He had realized Rin was missing only moments before his hanyou half-sister's arrival. He was extremely agitated and had assumed that Azumi was here to remind him of their agreement they had made so many years ago—an agreement which was his despised secret. That was, after all, the only reason she ever came around. _Look at her now, trying to humiliate me. I hate this hanyou._

"Do you hear me, Sato?" the tone of Azumi's voice now hinting her irritation.

"She will return to you…eventually…and when she does, you will continue on as if nothing ever happened."

The Master's mouth clenched and his eyes fired up again. _How dare she!_

"Why would I do such a thing?!", he hissed at her.

Azumi paused, letting a long moment of silence fill the space between them.

"Because if you don't, I will tell Lord Sesshomaru of your failure."

Her words sliced to his very core. She knew of her brother's agreement with the Lord of the West, and she knew that Lord Sesshomaru would show no mercy to the person who failed him with his entrusted ward. _Sato, Sato, Sato. You fucking idiot._

"I presume you're wondering what _I_ get out of this? Why I even care?"

Azumi looked away from him again, scrutinizing the paintings of her half-brother once more.

"Let's just say this girl intrigues me. She reminds me of myself a bit."

Azumi grinned knowing those words insulted everything within Master Fugashi. The Master calmed his shaken demeanor and unclenched his hands trying to recover his dignified state.

"And what's to keep me from simply telling Lord Sesshomaru that you took the girl and now use her as a bargaining chip?" Master Fushagi hissed.

Azumi's gaze remained on the paintings; she expected this from him.

"Ahhhh, Sato. What will keep you from doing that, eh?"

He looked at her, uncomfortable with her jesting tone and mannerisms.

"I will tell you older brother…would it not be terribly unfortunate if that little personal agreement of ours was to dissolve?"

Master Fugashi froze.

"It would be a shame for all the people you reign over with such esteemed superiority to find out that their beloved and respected war hero is not much of a _hero_ at all…"

"We had an agreement! Your silence in exchange for your freedom! I've left you alone as you demanded!" Fugashi yelled with a hushed voice, as not to be heard.

"Well, this is the _new_ agreement."

The powerful Master was rendered completely helpless and still frozen in place.

"The girl will return. She will resume her training as a lady, and you will do _nothing_ to punish her…"

Master Fugashi's head dropped in pitiful resignation, his pride sorely damaged.

"How long will she be gone? What will I tell my subjects?" he whispered in a defeated voice.

"She'll come back when she comes back. Until then, be creative, Sato. She's a lady in training, simply say she's visiting a potential suitor; creating new allies."

"Lady Fugashi will never belie—"

"MAKE her believe, Sato…You are after all, the " _Master"_ of the House"

Master Fugashi nodded his head, it still hanging low.

"And also…the girl will visit me whenever I wish."

The Master looked up, shocked by Azumi's seemingly never-ending demands.

"Why would YOU need to see her?" Master Fugashi's face aghast, his pride now severely injured.

"To ensure you are keeping your word, half-brother, of course."

Azumi stepped closer to Fugashi and traced a single claw across his embellished breastplate. She knew he wore it not out of obligation, but because he fancied himself superior to everyone else. Even though he never acknowledged it, Azumi knew he loved being the revered war hero. _Self-important asshole. The stench of your unearned pride makes me want to vomit._ Master Fugashi growled lowly as Azumi's nail created a high-pitched screech; he bore his fangs at her.

"Remember, _Sato_ , I am not the one who is afraid to die."

 _Make your threats and plans to kill me, half-brother. But we both know the truth._ _You are no warrior._ Azumi swiped her nail quickly away from his armor, leaving a chink in his beloved regalia. _Let that be a reminder, Sato._ And without another word, Azumi exited the room and left the Fugashi House and her demoralized half-brother behind her. _Tiger demon? What a fucking joke._

* * *

A/N: Is Azumi a bada$$ or what? I kinda love her character, she totally reminds me of this other hanyou we all love lol ^_^ Also, in the next few chapters I'll share some little details behind choices I made regarding certain characters (in the A/N) if people want to know :) As always, let me know what you think ;) Thanks for reading!


	7. The Daisuke

A/N: Hey guys! I'm writing like a mad woman. Just work, necessary tasks and writing...and watching Noragami hehe. But I think I'm starting to come down with a cold :/ I guess that will mean I'll have more time to write...lol. Fingers crossed that I'm not though :-S Thanks for all the reviews! They really encourage me to keep writing! Well, here's the next chapter...enjoy!

Warning: Explicit language ;)

* * *

"Are you ready?"

Rin stared at the river in front of her; the very river she had tried to drown away her pain in just two weeks ago. She stood there holding the bundled kimono to her chest once more, but this time she didn't want the river to carry her away. The river still looked so serene, but it felt different now. _I feel different._ Rin looked down for a moment, glancing at the bundled kimono that Azumi had given back to her. When Rin had told Azumi that she wanted her to burn it, Azumi had told her she 'didn't welcome liars in her home'. Azumi was right and Rin knew it. It's just that the tattered kimono now reminded her even more of a life she would never have again; a Sesshomaru she could never have again. Rin's eyes lifted and she turned her head over her shoulder bringing her eyes to Azumi.

"Must I return?" she quietly asked.

She didn't want to go back to the Fugashi House, or that village altogether. She wanted to remain with Azumi. _It's safe here._

"It is necessary, Rin, if you want your freedom…I never said it would be easy."

Azumi knew that returning to the Fugashi Household and the life it held for her would be no easy feat for the young girl. She knew that Rin would have many obstacles to overcome and those obstacles would not wait for her to feel ready.

"Rin, Ryuu Hara has already left the village and returned to his home."

Rin's stomach clenched. The sound of his name made her sick, terrified and simultaneously furious.

"Why are you even helping me?" Rin yelled at Azumi.

Rin's anxiety over returning to life at the Fugashi House was beginning to surface and she was lashing out at the only thing she had in front of her. _She can't make me go back! She said she wouldn't force me!_

"It's not polite to bite the hand that feeds you, girl", Azumi snapped.

"Like you even care about 'polite', you old hanyou hag!"

Rin shocked herself a bit. _What did I just say? She's gonna kill me_. Out of the piercing silence a deep laughter broke out. _What the…_

"You truly are a quick study, Rin."

Azumi was stifling her laughter with the back of her hand. Rin narrowed her eyes on Azumi. Her face dawned a boisterous scorn directed toward the woman's mocking laughter. Azumi caught Rin's stern gaze on her and suddenly stopped her joking.

"That's more like it, Rin. I like your fight. You're going to need that."

Rin softened her gaze, her face was an easy book for Azumi to read. Azumi walked towards the girl and placed her hands on her shoulders. _You can do this, Rin. I won't let you fail_.

"Remember what we talked about, Rin? Remember what you must tell yourself when you think you can't go on?"

Rin nodded her head, her eyes dropped low.

"Tell it to me, Rin. Recite the mantra."

Rin's eyes remained down cast, she felt unsure about this path before her. She began to whisper the mantra.

"I am not a girl…I am not a human…I am not a lady…"

"Louder!" Azumi commanded.

Rin firmed up, she clenched her fists.

"I am the ever growing fire…the fire that can bring warmth or burn to the touch; the fire that can pierce the bitter darkness; the fire that lights the unknown path…I am the fire that neither bows nor diminishes itself for anyone, man or demon…"

Rin's eyes arose and met Azumi's.

"I am RIN."

* * *

[6 Months Later]

"Rin, don't forget your lesson with Lady Akira later today! You were late for your last lesson."

Lady Fugashi didn't approve of Rin traveling alone to study outside the village, but nonetheless the Master of the House had demanded it and she would not dare question him or his mysterious and sudden interest in the girl's education. Rin slid her door open and gently smiled at the Lady of the House.

"I promise won't, Lady Fugashi. I apologized to Lady Akira for my rudeness."

"Ah, good! Tardiness is truly distasteful, Rin."

Rin bowed to the Lady and took her cued exit. _Damn it, I'm late! Azumi is going to KILL me._ Once Rin was outside the House of Fugashi she picked up her pace, but made sure to keep her brisk walk graceful. Anytime she saw a villager she would slow down and drop her gaze low, letting a hint of a smile grace her face.

[FLASHBACK]

"Riiiiiin"

Lady Fugashi prolonged Rin's name in a way that only she could. _God, that is so annoying_.

"Rin, a lady should never brazenly smile, like that a mad man…"

Rin mentally prepared herself for yet another lesson about how you can neither do too much of this nor too much of that. _Here it comes…_

"But you can neither frown like a impudent child…"

 _Aha! Called it! She can't resist. She fancies herself a demon sage!_ Rin was now biting her lip trying to keep herself from chuckling.

"Rin, you must smile in just the softest and smallest of ways…just the very gentlest corners of your mouth should tilt towards the heavens."

 _Wow, she never ceases to amaze me. The Demonness truly has a gift for all things dramatic._ Rin made her face serious, realizing Lady Fugashi was now staring her down wondering if her lesson was taking.

"Rin! It's called 'the smile of knooowing'"

Rin's eyebrows knit together in mild confusion. _What the…_

"A lady should smile as if she knows a secret no one else does."

 _I know a lot of secrets no one else does. Not one of them makes me want to smile like a dumbass._ Rin's thoughts halted for a moment in shock. _Oh noooooo! I sound like Azumi! God help me!_

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

Rin continued her hurried walk towards the forest, mockingly reciting Lady Fugashi's cues with a smug voice in her head. _'Smile of knooooowing', Rin. Corners of your mouth just slightly towards heaven! Not too much! Not enough! Yada, yada, yada!_ Rin began to make herself giggle. When Rin finally reached the forest and no one was in sight, she began to sprint. _Azumi is gonna make me pay this time_.

* * *

[1 Year Later]

"Don't you dare stare at my sword, Rin. Unless you want me to cut that fanciful little hand of yours off with one swift blow."

Azumi tapped the tip of her blade against Rin's katana creating a resounding "ting".

"Look at my torso, Rin. Watch me move _before_ I move. Everything else is peripheral."

Rin shifted her eyes to Azumi's torso and then darted her eyes back to Azumi's tilting blade. Next thing she knew she was on her back and Azumi's hands held her katana vertically over Rin's heart.

"Dead."

* * *

[2 Years Later]

Rin shifted her gaze to Azumi's torso, she could see her chest rising and falling with each breath. Rin wanted this win badly. Six months of endless sparring with each round finishing the same way: defeat. _Rin, you can do this_. _Breathe_. Azumi's hips shifted and in less than a second she darted and her blade came crashing down with powerful force. Azumi's eye's widened. Rin stood behind her, her katana to the side of Azumi's neck. Azumi watched as a few of her freshly cut strands of hair fell to the ground.

"Well done, _Lady_ Rin."

Azumi turned her head over her shoulder looking back at her remarkable protégé, she was proud of the young woman who stood there. _I knew you could do it_. Rin's rigid face melted and a bright smile rushed across her face. She dropped her katana on the ground and jumped on Azumi, wrapping her arms around her tightly in an excited embrace. This was her proudest moment.

"Hey! Watch the ears!"

Azumi smiled and began to laugh with Rin. She grabbed at Rin's arms, sharing in the embrace. When the moment of celebration had passed, Azumi turned towards Rin and signaled her with her eyes to pick up her sword.

"AGAIN? We already fought ten times to—"

"Pick it up, Rin."

Azumi stood there, unmoving. Rin bent down grabbing her katana. _Never a dull moment with Azumi_. _Here we go again_ … Rin prepared herself, taking her stance.

"Uh-uh."

Azumi held her hands out in front of Rin and her eyes looked and Rin's blade and then back at her own hands.

"Give it to me."

Rin looked confused. _Why does Azumi want my blade? She gave this to me. Why would she take it away now?_ Rin's confusion was abruptly interrupted by Azumi's impatient gaze. Rin hesitantly lowered her sword and stance and placed the blade gently into Azumi's hands. Azumi turned around and walked back into her cabin without a word. _What the…seriously?! What the hell! Does she want me to go back to hand-to-hand combat? I thought she said I was past that! Come on!_ Azumi reappeared from the sliding door. She was holding an old, long, leather box in her hands. She walked towards Rin and stopped just a couple feet in front of her.

"This is for you, Rin."

Rin had no idea what was happening. Azumi was one for a lot of things…fighting, cussing, pushing you to your utter brink, but gift giving was NOT one of them.

"Open it."

Rin looked at Azumi then looked down at the tattered box. She could see an old, faded, etching of a woman clothed in the skin of a tiger. Rin's hands reached towards the box and slowly opened it.

"It was my mother's, Rin. My father, a great tiger demon, had Totosai, the great swordsmith, make it for her…"

Rin stared at the blade in silence.

"My mother was human, but she was nothing ordinary…she was a woman of immeasurable strength of mind and body. She didn't pretend to be anything she wasn't. And she feared that which deserved to be."

Azumi paused, looking down on the blade as well.

"My father had the Daisuke made for her. And Totosai forged the blade of my father's own blood and bone. Totosai designed the blade for an exceptional woman, an exceptional _human_. The Daisuke was not yet consecrated until my mother's blood was also forged within it. Her human blood bonded part of her spirit to the blade, making the sword usable only to a mortal. "

Rin looked up at Azumi as the hanyou woman gazed at her late mother's blade.

"I cannot wield this blade, Rin. But that is ok because unlike my mother, I have demonic power to draw on…but Rin, just as it was for my human mother, now it shall be for you. This blade will be your companion, your helper…"

Rin's eyes began to tear up a bit as she stared at her teacher with complete respect and devotion. It had been a long time since Rin allowed herself to cry, but Azumi had become the closest thing to family Rin had.

"Rin, you will need this blade for what you are called to do next."

Azumi's eyes suddenly shot up. Her cat-like pupils locked on Rin's dark brown eyes.

"It's time."

* * *

A/N: Excited? Good stuff coming, guys. Also, I promise you'll get some Lord Sesshomaru time VERY SOON. How do you guys like the Daisuke? Let me know what you're thinking ;) Here I go, I'm off to conquer another chapter ^_^


	8. The Lord Returns

A/N: Here's the next chapter! Happy Wednesday (or whatever day it is where you are) ;) Thanks for the reviews and letting me know what you guys think-it motivates me to keep writing! Enough chit chat! Enjoy!

* * *

Standing at the edge of the forest he could see the village clearly. It was that very same village he had refused to look back on years ago, the very same village that seared its image into his mind and never left him. Sesshomaru felt a bittersweet relief in seeing the sight before him, as if the image in his mind had been haunting him with it's lingering presence all these years. Now he could truly see it, and the image in his mind no longer needed to plague him. He had managed to stay away for eight years. He thought he'd care less about this all by now, but there was no such change. No such luck in forgetting.

"Milord, shall we continue on into the village?"

Jaken looked at his Lord and observed his stoic face, and found himself baffled as usual. _Lord Sesshomaru has been awfully strange these past few days. Ever since he decided we'd return to the Fugashi Household he's been so tense!_ _Is he worried about that human?_

"Lord Sesshomaru, I've been assured that Rin is completely fine! I haven't heard a word about her for the last 2 years! That must be a good sign, right?"

Jaken was beginning to regret opening his mouth. He meant to reassure the Lord and remind him that Rin had been entrusted to an esteemed family. And so far they had done well to raise Rin in to a lady. However, Lord Sesshomaru's gaze was unfaltering as he stared at the village in front of them. _It's as if he didn't even hear me! Wait, that's a good thing…_

* * *

"Oh, my Lord Sesshomaru!"

Lady Fugashi scurried herself into the room where he and Jaken had been seated by servants.

"It is our highest honor to have you with us again! The Fugashi House is always open to your majesty."

The Lady of the House bowed deeply and seated herself across from the Lord. Sesshomaru stared at the Lady, his face expressionless. The Lady took out her fan, whipping it open and fluttering it in front of her face. Sesshomaru's face remained unchanging. The Lady looked to a side door where a human servant waited. With a flick of her fan she cued the girl to bring them some tea. Sesshomaru's eyes looked at the human for a quick moment then resumed his gaze back at Lady Fugashi.

"My apologies on behalf of the Master of the House. Master Fugashi is away at—"

"Where is the girl?"

Sesshomaru interrupted the Lady and had no intention of apologizing. Lady Fugashi was a little stunned by his words. Did he not at least care to have tea with the Lady of the House before inquiring about the human ward? Had she not earned at least that? She had, after all, raised the human orphan into a distinguished lady. And when Lord Sesshomaru had left Rin with her, he barely said a word and then disappeared. _How unbecoming!_ Lady Fugashi fanned herself a bit more trying to regain her composure.

"Like I was saying, the Master of House and Lady Rin..."

 _Lady Rin_. The maturity of that title paired with **_that_** name made Sesshomaru feel that lingering knot tug within him.

"They are both away at the moment, My Lord. My sincerest apologies for this unfortunate inconvenience, Lord Sesshomaru. I'm sure you've traveled very fa—"

"Where is she?"

 _Interrupted again_. Lady Fugashi bit her tongue for a moment. She knew Lord Sesshomaru was not one for beating around the bush, but she thought he'd be a little more…grateful? Lord Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed slightly on the demonness, his patience growing thin.

"My Lord…Lady Rin has gone to visit one of her potential suitors, a close ally of the Master of the House."

Lady Fugashi's words seemed to fall on deaf ears from what she could see. Lord Sesshomaru's narrowed gaze was still fixed upon her and completely unchanging. Lady Fugashi's words felt as if they scraped against Sesshomaru's skin, leaving a residual stinging that deeply agitated him. But the great Lord showed no such discomfort. He sat there for a moment in contemplation. Why had they not asked his **_permission_** before presenting her to 'potential _suitor_ s'? Why had they not asked him before letting her travel outside the village? _Why isn't Rin here!_ Sesshomaru was beginning to feel a growl building within him, the tiniest corner of his mouth beginning to twitch.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Is it not admirable that the Master and Lady Fugashi have tried to secure a prosperous future for our Rin?" Jaken anxiously interjected, trying to spare the Lady of the House the wrath that was beginning to seethe from Lord Sesshomaru's eyes.

Sesshomaru's gaze abruptly shifted. A long period of silence filled the room. Lady Fugashi and Jaken sat nervously, watching the Lord's face as they waited for his reaction. Sesshomaru now stared out a window, his gaze long and distant and his face settled into that stoic posture again. The moment seemed to last forever. Then suddenly with no notice at all, the Lord arose from his seat.

"Take me to her chambers."

The Lady's face displayed her obvious confusion. This was not a request…it was a demand. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the short, green imp nod his head towards the door and she was reminded to make haste. _Oh! I dare not keep the Lord of West waiting._

"O-of course, My Lord."

Lady Fugashi led the Lord to Rin's living quarters, and gently slid the door open and stepped aside. Sesshomaru paused at the doorway. He could smell _her_. That scent had a powerful effect on him. The lingering aroma wrapped around his body and consumed his senses. He felt the back of his neck tingle. Even though she wasn't even there, her scent was so compelling. _She smells... different_. Lord Sesshomaru's eyes closed for a single moment. He tried to picture Rin's face, but he was sure the image he had was no longer accurate. His eyes flashed open again and he gazed around her room. It was simple and clean—very minimal decorations, and even fewer personal affects. This was the closest he had been to Rin in a long time…but something felt different; something felt changed, and this made Sesshomaru even more uneasy within. The scent of her both comforted him and tortured him. He couldn't figure out why her scent's change in nature bothered him so, but it did and that made him frustrated.

"Would you like to enter the room for a closer inspection, My Lord? We've given Lady Rin everything she could want for."

Lady Fugashi outstretched her arm in the direction of the room welcoming the Lord in.

"No."

Lord Sesshomaru turned around and began to walk away. Lady Fugashi was stunned. She replayed the previous moment again in her mind scrutinizing where she went wrong. Her dazed look suddenly jolted when she looked to the Lord and noticed he was not waiting up for her. She quickly followed after him and his little servant.

* * *

"Must you leave so soon, my Lord Sesshomaru?"

Lady Fugashi was trying desperately to please the infamously indecipherable Lord of the West. She was having no such luck.

"When shall I tell Master Fugashi and Lady Rin that you might grace us with your presence again?"

The Lady was clearly searching for some firm answers, which she was obviously not getting. Lord Sesshomaru was a strange demon to her. He seemed like he was in a whole other world that she and everyone else for that matter, couldn't see. All she knew was that she feared him and she wouldn't test the reputation that preceded him. Sesshomaru stared at the door and began to walk towards it, completely disregarding Lady Fugashi's presence.

"Eventually."

The Lady's face fell. _Eventually? How long is that?_ Even the great Lady Fugashi's best attempts were complete failures when matched against this unruly demon Lord. The Lord of the West answered to no one, and changed for no one.

* * *

Sesshomaru wanted to leave as swiftly as possible. It had only been a day since he and Jaken have arrived, but he couldn't escape fast enough. Ever since he smelled her scent his mind had been racked with endless and seemingly pointless questions and thoughts…thoughts and questions Sesshomaru had never contemplated or asked himself before. _What is Rin like now? Will she still remember me? Does she still smile like she used to? Will she recognize my face? Will she be afraid of me now?_ He hadn't sleep at all the previous night, his mind was unbridled and in full rampage; something he **never** allowed. He needed to get out of there, **now**. He needed to clear his mind from this dense fog that hung over him and confused everything within him. As Lord Sesshomaru and Jaken left the edge of the village, Sesshomaru's hand clenched. Jaken followed behind the great dog demon hastily. He gazed upon the Lord, confused as to why he would not just wait a few days for Master Fugashi and Lady Rin to return from their travels. _The Lady of the House was happy to wait on the Lord during his stay_. Jaken shook his head; there was no point in trying to decode Lord Sesshomaru's ways. All he could do was loyally follow and wait. The Lord of West continued on, once again refusing to look back.

 _I cannot see her, right now…not like this._

* * *

 _A/N: ! I can't wait for Lord Sesshomaru to finally SEE Rin again, especially if that was his response to her lingering smell! [fanning myself rigorously] lolol. What did you guys think? Lemme know ;)_


	9. You Are Not Revenge

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for letting me know what you think! I'm so happy you're pleased with my depiction of Lord Sesshomaru-it was a fun chapter to write. So here's the next one, its a longer one! Warning: it does have explicit language and themes (kinda the norm for me now lol). Enjoy!

* * *

It was night, and the moon-less darkness hung over the Hara House like a malignant mist which consumed everything. Rin watched the Household as she sat perched on one of the high walls that protected the Hara estate. She had been perched there vigilantly for three hours, watching and waiting. And Rin had waited so long.

[FLASHBACK]

"Rin, focus!" Azumi snapped at her, irritated that Rin's hand-to-hand combat wasn't improving fast enough.

Rin had had a long day of training and she was exhausted and at her very end. Lady Fugashi had been particularly on edge with her since the twins had left her to travel to the East pursuing potential brides, or more accurately their dowry. Rin had been scrutinized endlessly by the Lady of the House early today only to be followed by merciless training with Azumi.

"I'm tired, Azumi! It's not like I haven't been trying!"

Rin's cheeks were covered with dirt; her hair housing some twigs and leaves. She had seen the ground in defeat many times today.

"Try **_harder_** , Rin."

Azumi lifted her fists and took her stance. Rin looked at Azumi her eyes flared with anger.

"Do you even want to make him pay?"

Azumi words sliced sharply. The hanyou watched Rin's mouth clench and her fists tighten. Rin made the first move, lunging herself forward. Her anger burned furiously within her and Azumi was going to feel the fire. _I will make him pay! How dare she question that!_

Thud. Rin was on the ground and Azumi stood above her.

"You're lucky I didn't hit you in the face. We both know how much Lady Fugashi hates it when you clumsily hurt yourself."

Rin hated when Azumi pushed her like this. She knew Azumi was intentionally clawing at all of her triggers. _How long will it take? How many times will I have to do this again? How many days will I have to bear this?_

"How long will I have to do this, Azumi?" Rin said with her eyebrows knit together with frustration, still lying on the ground.

Azumi looked down at the girl before her.

"Until the ground no longer scares you."

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

Rin had imagined this moment everyday for almost four years. _Four years_. She had hungered for this moment, yet she was suppressing a stinging fear that crept into her stomach. _You will not_ _ **take**_ _anymore_. _I will not allow you_. Rin saw her moment; she leapt down from the wall.

 _It's time_.

* * *

Rin entered the room and slid the door closed behind her. She walked towards the bed. She could see the sleeping figure moving slightly up and down with the movement of its breath. Rin felt a shiver pass through her body. This person before her was the man who had haunted her dreams for the past four years. Everything in her wanted to end him now without another thought, while simultaneously she wanted to run away and hide herself. _This is your battle, Rin._ _Breathe. Focus._ Rin approached the body quietly. She took a deep breath in and then lifted her arm over the body and dropped the item in her hand on it.

The metal landed with a thud. The sleeping figure immediately shifted and frantically sat up in bed in a state of confusion. Rin took a few steps back, waiting for the man's eyes to adjust to the darkness. The man reached to his lantern, lighting it quickly. The dim light illuminated the room softly.

"Rin?"

Rin's stomach twisted inside her. His voice instantly awakened a wave of unwanted emotion; unwanted memories. She felt the terror again. She felt the desolation…all of it. Rin was scrambling to regain her focus and control, as she stood there frozen.

"It is you, Rin."

The Baron's voice now sounded much less surprised and much more arrogant. Rin's hand clenched around the tsuka (handle) of the Daisuke.

"Pick it up."

The confidence in Rin's voice surprised her. It was as if something had possessed her.

"What?" Ryuu said in casual confusion looking around himself. His eyes then landing on the blade beside him.

"Ohhh, Rin. Is this what you've come here for? You're going to kill me?"

Ryuu grinned at Rin, his expression sickly playful.

"Rin you've grown into quite the exquisite woman…Even with a man's clothing on I can still see your lovely figure."

Rin's heart flickered for a moment. She could feel that terror reaching for her, demanding her to surrender. _Breathe, Rin! Focus!_ She knew Ryuu was toying with her. Her hatred of this monster was growing with each second.

"I'm not here to kill you, Ryuu. I'm here to _fight_ you. Pick up the katana."

Ryuu laughed and looked at the blade lying on his bed. He looked back to Rin, tilting his head childishly to the side and pouted his lips.

"Fight _me_ , Rin? I couldn't possibly fight a woman. Besides, I know you wouldn't hurt me, would you, Rin?"

Rin's eyes narrowed on him. The fire in her now burned intensely. Rin unsheathed her blade and pointed it towards the other sword.

"Pick. It. Up."

"Rin, why would you want to fight m—"

A silver streak cut the air in front of him. Ryuu gasped and brought his hand to his cheek, which now burned from Rin's deadly slice. His eyes shifted to hers and narrowed. Ryuu gripped the katana beside him.

"You, worthless bitch." He sneered at her.

Rin felt a calm come over her. This was the beast's true face before her, no more facades. Rin was ready to make him pay.

"I considered giving you a death by a thousand cuts, Ryuu. But I will not waste my time on such lowly animal."

Ryuu lunged, swinging his blade at her raucously. When he failed to make any contact with Rin, he tried to regain his composure.

"I'm giving you the courtesy you never gave me, Ryuu"

Ryuu glared at her.

"And what is that, you filthy whore?"

Rin shifted and the Daisuke swiftly drew blood. Ryuu gasped again in pain. He grabbed at his bicep, now bleeding profusely.

"Once wasn't enough for you, Rin? Want me again?" Hara sneered at her.

"I will give you a fair fight, Ryuu. And I _will_ take your life away tonight…but at least I give you this."

Ryuu was fuming now. _Die, bitch!_ He furiously swung the katana at Rin and held nothing back. Suddenly his movement was halted. His breath abruptly caught in his throat, now gurgling with blood. His hand dropped the katana and clenched around his own throat. Ryuu dropped to his knees; he could feel the blood spurting out of his neck. His eyes were wide open in shock. Rin approached him slowly, watching her haunter slowly die. She stopped shortly in front him, and as his blood splattered across her kimono as she looked him in the eyes.

"I am not a girl. I am not a human. I am not a lady…"

Ryuu's eyes widened even more as Rin's venomous eyes pierced through him, her was voice low and chilling.

"I am the ever growing fire; the fire that can bring warmth or burn to the touch; the fire that can pierce the bitter darkness; the fire that lights the unknown path. I am the fire that neither bows nor diminishes itself for anyone, man or demon…"

Rin lifted the Daisuke, once more,

"I AM RETRIBUTION."

* * *

Rin untied her obi releasing the blood-drenched clothing to the floor. The crimson liquid had begun to dry and transform into a deep maroon. She washed her hands in the basin of water, watching the clear substance become infected with Hara's blood. _He's gone…Once and for all._ Rin cleaned herself quickly, wrapped the stained kimono up and then blew out the light. She changed into clean clothes then sat on the edge of her bed staring into the darkness. She felt empty. She felt numb. She didn't know what to feel or think.

 _What now?_

* * *

When Rin awoke in the morning she quickly darted to the chest in the corner of the room. She opened it up and dug through her kimonos finally reaching the bottom. _It's still here._ Rin sighed in relief. It hadn't just been a dream. She had actually killed Hara, and her discolored kimono was proof. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She then began to cover the evidence up again. She packed her chest tightly; then changed into an elegant kimono. Rin combed her long hair out of the French braid she had worn from the night before and pinned it back in a neat bun. Her mission was not yet complete; she was not yet in the clear.

"Lady Rin?" A handsome voice called at the door.

Rin took another deep breath and then walked to the door sliding it open. She bowed gracefully.

"Ah Lady Rin. You need not bow."

Rin looked up at the young man before her, the son of a human Nobleman who went by the name of Ishi. Rin gently smiled and then dropped her soft gaze low.

"It's the least I can do for your kindness and hospitality. You've made Master Fugashi and myself very comfortable these past few days. It has been an honor to meet you and your noble family."

"The pleasure was all mine, Lady Rin!"

Ishi obviously liked Rin. It was easy to when she performed so well. When Ishi Kondo's father had told him Master Fugashi was bringing his ward to visit and discuss potential marriage, Ishi was infuriated. However, upon meeting Lady Rin, Ishi's heart had drastically changed, and he no longer wished for her to leave. He would happily wed the graceful woman before him even if the marriage were only his father's attempt to secure a demon ally. Rin, on the other hand, wanted to leave. She had done what she came to do. And she wouldn't feel comfortable until she had returned to her village and completed her mission.

"Master Fugashi?" Rin inquired regarding her guardian.

"Oh! He's waiting outside with the carriage, Lady Rin."

"Well, I should not keep the Master waiting."

"Y-you are correct, Lady Rin" Ishi's tender voice said, eager to please.

"I shall have the servants carry your chest out immediately!"

The man quickly bowed, his nerves beginning to get the best of him. Rin stared at the overzealous suitor in front of her. _He dreams of marrying a lady. He thinks I am a lady…He wouldn't know what to do with a human like me._ Rin bowed once more.

"Thank you, Sir Kondo. I will not easily forget your kindness."

Ishi blushed as he watched the Lady gracefully leave. She was not something he would easily forget.

After Rin bowed to Master Fugashi, already on his horse, she entered the carriage. Once they had left the Kondo House grounds she let out a deep exhale _._ _I did it_.

* * *

[8 Months Later]

"Rin."

Azumi looked at the woman before her remembering the night she had pulled a girl out of the river. _She's made it_. Azumi was undoubtedly proud of her apprentice. She had conquered the beast that had terrorized her for these past years, and now she could be free. Rin had grown into a woman, a Lady…a Warrior. Azumi no longer feared for Rin's safety; this was no longer a girl in front of her. Azumi was confident that this human could physically protect herself from most anything. However, now Azumi worried for her in another way. Her eyebrows knit together as she watched Rin clean the blade of the Daisuke with undivided attention.

[FLASHBACK: Day after Rin returned from the Kondo House]

"So you missed Lord Sesshomaru."

Rin's eyes darted away from Azumi; she didn't want to talk about the matter. _Leave it alone, Azumi_. Rin reached for her Daisuke and unsheathed the blade.

"I think I'm starting to tap into its power, Azumi. The night I killed Hara, it glowed."

Azumi remained seated on her porch, observing Rin as she slowly swept the Daisuke side to side cutting the air with grace and exactitude. _So you want to avoid, do you? Not allowed._

"The Daisuke's power is far beyond a blood-soaked glow, Rin. It will take more than a kill to unleash it's true potential."

Rin's eyes flashed to Azumi's, her eyebrows now knit together in frustration. Azumi turned her head to the side ignoring Rin's obvious glare.

"Why don't you ever grace me with your lady-like manners, Rin? Seems I'm always getting the short end of the… _Rin_. Don't you think?"

Rin grunted and turned her glare away and immediately returned to her practice.

"So did you cry when you found out Lord Sesshomaru had come and gone when you were away?"

Azumi vigilantly watched Rin's reaction out of the corner of her eye. _Come on, girl._ Azumi was pulling at the threads waiting for Rin to unravel.

"Why would I care about Lord Sesshomaru? His comings and goings are neither my business nor my concern!"

Rin's hands clenched her katana and she turned her back to Azumi. _Why must she do this? Why must she claw at worthless shit like this?_

"Is that so? So you no longer love this Lord Sesshomaru?"

Rin halted. Her body tensed.

"Why would I love somebody that would never love me? Why would I waste my time trying to love someone I could never be equal to? All I feel towards the Lord Sesshomaru is indebted for his mercy years ago."

"Oh, so you are above love now, eh? You are _above_ Sesshomaru?"

Rin sheathed the Daisuke and returned it to her obi, her back still facing Azumi.

"I have no desire to be made smaller or less than what I am…I am the fire that bows to no person, man or demon. Did you not teach me that, Azumi?" Rin's voiced hissed.

Azumi turned her head towards Rin, now staring at her squarely.

"Being made to bow is **not** the same as being made to love", Azumi's voice burned.

"Will I not have to bow first to be loved? What man or demon, in any of these lands, does not look at me and see first a woman he can make his own? They desire to either conquer you or to save you, and I have no desire or need for either."

Rin was trying to control her breath, trying to calm herself. _Damn it, Azumi!_ Rin could feel Azumi's eyes weighing on her back; they felt like heavy shackles placed on her.

"Bullshit."

Rin's chest was constricting. She didn't care what Azumi said. Azumi didn't understand. _Azumi was not the one made to be a lady. Azumi was not the one made to live a life filled with constant failure. She doesn't understand what it's like to be reminded that your very existence is a burden to everyone, every single day_. _She doesn't understand what it is to be left behind and forgotten!_

"'Those who try to be forever divine, those who try to be forever kind, and even those tainted by evil… _everyone_ wishes to be saved.'"

Rin stood silent.

"My mother told me that, Rin…right before she passed. They were the words of a powerful priestess, and they were true when my mother told me them and they are still true now."

Rin stood there for a moment, unmoving. Azumi watched her closely. Then, without a word, Rin walked away.

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

Azumi commanded her protégé,

"Come sit down."

Rin looked at her teacher, Azumi's face looked sterner than usual. Rin placed the Daisuke in its sheath and returned it to her obi.

"What is it?"

Rin began to walk over to Azumi preparing to take a seat across from her.

"Just sit down, Rin. We need to talk."

Rin now felt alarmed. _What's this about?_

Rin sat down on the floor and Azumi looked at her firmly.

"I am leaving, Rin."

Rin was shocked. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. _Leaving?! What?!_

"And you will not be coming with me…"

Rin's shocked turned to outrage.

"Azumi! What the hell are you tal—"

Azumi slammed her fist on the table between them and Rin's voice immediately halted.

"I am leaving and you will stay here! You don't need me anymore."

Rin's face clenched as she listened to Azumi speak such untrue words.

"You don't need me, Rin. If anything you need me to leave."

Rin was so confused. _What is she talking about? I need her to leave?! What is Azumi thinking?!_

"I am going to leave. And you are going to move on with your life."

Rin couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"What life? You can't leave me, Azumi! I have no one else!"

Azumi gazed at Rin and let out a deep and prolonged sigh.

"Exactly, Rin. You have no real life. You have no one. You have nothing…"

Rin's face began to drop. _Why would she say such a thing to me?_

"Rin, you've made the person who hurt you the most pay the greatest price. Now it's time for you to move on. I've watched you train endlessly and transform into the warrior you were always meant to be. _You_ created the great fire within you, and I am proud of that. But after Hara's death…"

Azumi reached for Rin's hands, they were clenched into fists, unbeknownst to Rin.

"…After Hara's death you needlessly stoked the fire with nothing but anger and hatred. You don't even realize the battle was won; the war is over."

Rin's hands began to release their grip. A single tear ran down her cheek as she stared into the eyes of the only person that could see her so clearly.

"I must leave, Rin. So you can find your freedom, a freedom apart from all of this. You need to figure out what you want and go get it."

"I already know what I want. This is it. I want to stay with you."

"Don't lie to me, Rin. We agreed we wouldn't do that a long time ago."

Rin pulled her hands away from Azumi's.

"I'm not lying, Azumi!"

Azumi glared at her protégé.

"You are not allowed to end up like this, Rin!"

Rin's eye widened in shock as she looked at Azumi, her head now hanging low.

"Rin…you don't want this life. And I don't want it for you…"

Rin's emotions were going haywire. In all her years of training with Azumi she had never seen her in a moment of vulnerability. Rin could say nothing.

"I never told you why Master Fugashi kept our relationship and your disappearance a secret because it was never necessary to tell you…until now. As you know, Sato Fugashi is my older half-brother. He is a full tiger demon who's despised me and my kind for as long as I can remember. My brother has always prided himself in being superior to my human mother and me. But my father never treated me so. He allowed me to train with him and my brother. He treated me as an equal. It didn't take long until I became my father's most dedicated protégé, and Sato detested me for that. I disregarded his hate for me and focused only on my training; my one way to prove I was worthy. However, when my father was killed in battle it was not I to take the head of the Tiger Army and Household; I was only the hanyou daughter after all. Sato spited me and took my father's army into a rushed battle just to prove he was the true leader. However, when Sato's unwise decision turned on him, he and his army were cornered in what can only be described as a hopeless massacre. It was then my mother, a human, used the Daisuke to save Sato. At the time, I couldn't understand why she would go into battle with him. He despised her, yet she sacrificed everything to save him, just because he was the son of the demon she loved. And she died on that battlefield, defending that ground for the Fugashi House. And while she did so, Sato ran away like the coward he is. It was then that I defended the Fugashi name and won the battle…but it was too late…If only my pride had not blinded me. If only I had not hesitated to go with my mother when she left…maybe then she would still be alive."

Azumi looked to Rin. It was the first time Rin had ever seen tears in Azumi's eyes.

"Sato keeps our secret because I agreed to keep his. I agreed to let others believe he was the war hero who valiantly defended that ground. I let him pretend he is not the helpless coward that he truly is."

"Why would you do that for him?" Rin yelled, angered by this story.

"Because I wanted his demise to be a long and slow one, Rin. I wanted him to have everything he ever wanted. Power, wealth, pride and praise. I wanted him to have it all so that I could take it away with a single word. That's why I stayed here, outside the village. I wanted him to know he could never truly feel comfortable or safe. I wanted him to live in constant fear of losing it all. I wanted him to live everyday knowing he would lose everything he treasured. And most of all, I wanted every moment of his happiness tainted with pure fear."

Rin's face was aghast.

"Insidious, is it not? Let me tell you something, Rin. You want to know who paid the greatest price? Who lost the most?"

Azumi's eyes burned with fire.

"Me."

Azumi stood up.

"I lost my life to my revenge, Rin. I lost my mother and I lost myself to the fiery war within…"

Azumi pointed to the Daisuke on Rin's hip.

"But that sword is a reminder that you can choose not only what you will die for, but more importantly what you will choose to _live_ for."

Azumi walked over to Rin and crouched in front of her.

"Repeat your mantra."

Rin was caught off guard; she didn't know why Azumi asked her to do this. She hesitated, but then began.

"I am not a girl. I am not a human. I am not a lady. I am—"

"Not my revenge." Azumi finished Rin's sentence.

Rin was stunned. Tears now flowed down Azumi's cheeks as well as Rin's. Azumi looked at her student fervently.

"You are not your revenge, Rin. You are not your revenge."

* * *

A/N: WOAH. That was a lot! What did you guys think? I personally loved Rin's moment of vengeance 3:) Can't wait to hear your thoughts/reactions! Feels like I'm finally getting to part of the story I'm excited to write haha. Also, the quote Azumi references is from Kikiyo from Season 5, Episode 120. Definitely not mine! Had to reference it though ;) Till next time, happy reading!

Frida D


	10. Our Lady Rin

A/N: Here's the next chapter! And as always, thanks to you readers that are leaving reviews! It's fun to the read them and hear other people's reactions and feelings towards the story/characters. So much of it is jumbled in my own head and it's nice to hear your perspective! Keep em' coming! Happy you're enjoying the story as much as I am ;)

* * *

[2 Years Later; Rin is 23]

"Our great Lord returns today, Lady Rin! How fortunate his coming aligns with the village's annual festival!"

Lady Fugashi was thrilled. This would be her chance to woo the difficult-to-please Lord. _Master Fugashi is here. Lady Rin is here. And the festivals will be dedicated to the Lord of the West! How could he not be satisfied?_

"Rin, we will receive our Lord Sesshomaru with a formal tea ceremony! And you will entertain his highness and display the distinguished lady that you now are!"

Rin was unbothered by Lady Fugashi's overzealous plans; this was nothing out of the ordinary. However, Rin did wonder why the Lord was returning so shortly after his last visit; she had expected that he wouldn't return again for another several years, if at all.

"Rin! Did you hear me? Prepare yourself! Go bathe and make yourself pleasing to the eye!"

Rin nodded her head and bowed. As Rin walked towards her living quarters she began to think to herself again. _This changes nothing. Rin, remember what you want. Remember your freedom._

* * *

"Ahhhh! Our mighty Lord Sesshomaru! You're presence is our greatest honor!"

Lady Fugashi bowed deeply and then ushered the Lord into the room.

"Please, do sit! Our servants will come in shortly to ensure your comfort!"

Lady Fugashi then fancifully scurried to her place next to the seated Master of the House.

"My Lord. It is good to see you. It is our honor." Master Fugashi said in a serious and low tone, bowing his head in reverence to the great Lord.

Sesshomaru sat down and looked to Jaken waiting for him to take his seat. When Jaken sat down Lord Sesshomaru looked to Master Fugashi.

"We have much to talk about, Fugashi."

The Master of the House's eyes slightly widened with a tinge of concern, but he quickly composed himself and continued on.

"But first, we must take an honored tea commemorating your arrival."

Sesshomaru's face remained unchanged. And within a moment the Master of the House was signaling the servants to proceed with the tea. Sesshomaru gritted his teeth and continued to stare at Master Fugashi while the nervous servant before him poured some tea into an extravagant porcelain cup.

"Ah! An honored tea! How delightful!" Jaken spouted, happy that the Fugashi's knew how to treat such a great figure as his Lord Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru looked to Jaken, who then froze in his place, and then resumed his fierce gaze at Master Fugashi. He had no time for these frivolities.

"As I was saying, Fugashi—"

The door slid open, interrupting the Lord's sentence. Instantly Sesshomaru's voice halted, and immediately he could smell _that_ scent. His eyes darted to the human at the doorway. There she was…bowing. _It's her._

* * *

Rin bowed gracefully and then entered the room. She looked to the Master and Lady of the House and gently curtsied, and then proceeded towards the Lord and his servant. Rin smoothly descended to her knees and bowed her head and hands to the floor in front of Sesshomaru.

"My Lord."

Sesshomaru was completely motionless. His eyes fixed on the creature in front of him.

"Please accept my humble thanks and gratitude for your mercy in saving my life all those years ago, and for entrusting my care to the Fugashi Household. I am forever indebted to you, Lord Sesshomaru…And Master Jaken, my deepest thanks to you as well."

A moment of long silence passed.

"Lady Rin! You need not thank me! And, oh how you've grown!"

Jaken interjected after the Lord's continued silence; consumed with the feeling of success. He had done it! _My plans worked! The wild girl has been tamed!_ Lord Sesshomaru remained unmoving, his eyes fixed on Rin's bowed head. _Her voice…it sounds so…different._

"Our Lady Rin, play the great Lord a song." Lady Fugashi commanded.

Rin nodded her bowed head and then arose from her position and walked to the center on the room and seated herself. A servant quickly came to her side and handed her the shamisen. Rin's eyes remained low; she had not once looked at Sesshomaru. Rin then began to play, and within a moment the sounds of footsteps and servants shifting around halted. Now, only the sound of her shamisen filled the room and its melancholic melody haunted its listeners. And as Rin played, her eyes closed. She shut out the world and focused only on the sound of her instrument.

* * *

As Rin bowed before him he felt a wave of pressure against his chest. Who was this woman before him now? Where was the young girl he had left behind? _She's so…_ Before the Lord could utter a word she was arising and taking her place in the center of the room. She looked so different. She felt so strangely familiar, yet so unknown. Lord Sesshomaru was disturbed by this. However, when the music began, Sesshomaru's thoughts ceased. He had never in his life cared for music or human entertainment, but this was different. She was different. And as Rin's dark eyes closed and she gracefully played her shamisen, the only thing Lord Sesshomaru could do was watch, his eyes unflinching and his face without a single expression.

* * *

When Rin's fingers left the last string of her shamisen she opened her eyes looking to the floor and bowed deeply to the Lord once more.

"It is an honor to be in your presence again, my Lord."

Rin arose and kept her gaze down. She gracefully walked to her place beside Master Fugashi and seated herself. Her powder blue, silk kimono draped over her as she sat poised with her eyes softly gazing at the ground in front of her. _Well done, Rin. Just a little longer and you will have conquered this. This is no different than any other obstacle you've overcome. Breathe and focus._ When Lady Fugashi's voice began to fill the air with exclamations of praise for Rin and her abilities, Rin shut the sound out. Rin knew the Lady of the House would not miss an opportunity to not-so-secretly praise herself and her amazing ability to tame a belligerent human child into a delicate Lady. _She will never let anyone forget how big of a feat it was to do such a thing_. As Rin's world grew silent she suddenly felt a weighing presence that stung at her. _I can feel his eyes on me._ Rin felt uneasy with the sensation. She wished it would stop. _Just a little longer, Rin_. _Focus._

A few minutes later when the chatter of the Lady of the House had ceased, Master Fugashi shook a hand and signaled the ladies and servants to leave.

"Let us now talk, Lord Sesshomaru."

Rin arose after Lady Fugashi and gave a small bow to their honored guests. As Lady Fugashi performed her grand goodbye and spared no embellished gesture, Rin stood quietly, her gaze a few feet before her and a lady-like smile across her distant face. When Lady Fugashi finally exited, Rin followed and walked through the doorway. Rin turned around once more to bow and then slide the door shut, and as she did so her eyes came up for a single moment and she saw the Lord's amber eyes fixed on her. Her breath caught in her throat. She closed the door quickly.

* * *

The next day, Rin walked through the village marketplace, taking her usual stroll. She treasured this time to herself, especially now that the Fugashi House was in a state of chaos serving the visiting Lord. When Rin walked through the human village and was met with kind smiles and conversation, she felt a moment of normalcy. In those moments she found a little relief from her own thoughts and memories. As Rin looked around at the vendors before her she suddenly saw a familiar short, green figure. Rin's eyes raced around him looking to see if he was alone. Rin let out a quieted sigh. _He's alone. You're safe_.

"Ahhh! Lady Rin!"

Jaken had spotted the frozen lady standing there. Rin regained her composure and smile kindly. After that initial moment of panic had passed she felt a light happiness envelop her. It had been so long since she had heard the imp's voice and it brought back many unexpected happy memories.

"Master Jaken."

Rin took a delicate curtsy.

"My Lady Rin! You are such a lovely woman now!"

Rin stifled a laugh with her hand and nodded her head. Jaken looked a bit shocked and confused.

"Oh! What did I say, Lady Rin, to make you laugh? Have I offended you?"

Lady Rin shook her head.

"Nothing, Master Jaken. It's just good to see you again."

Jaken's green cheeks blushed and he shook his head in an attempt to shake the feeling off. Before he could think to say another word, the Lady had crouched down and wrapped her arms around him. _Huh? What's this?_

"Master Jaken, I really have missed you."

Rin's embrace made the imp's body stiffen. She was no little girl hugging him; she was a distinguished lady holding him tightly. His body began to relax, though still pretty uncomfortable with the public display of affection.

"…I guess Lord Sesshomaru and I have missed your human presence too, Rin."

Rin began to release the imp from her arms. She straightened herself out and took a step back.

"Nothing quite replaces the presence of a wily human girl!" Jaken joked.

Rin smiled kindly and nodded her head in agreement.

"So why are you here? And by yourself, Master Jaken?"

"Oh, I just needed to grab a few things for Milord. And I needn't bother him with such petty errands."

Rin nodded her head once more. _Some things never change…_ Suddenly a raucous broke out in front of them and a little girl ran from a crowd and crashed directly into Jaken.

"Watch where you're going, foolish child!" Jaken scolded.

The little girl bowed speedily, her eyes amazed by the short, toad-man in front of her. And in an instant she had dashed off as if she had never been there. Jaken brushed himself off and patted his kimono flat.

"Where was I, Rin?"

Rin was frozen. Her eyes fixated on Master Jaken, but her mind somewhere very far away. _That girl…she reminds me of…me._ Rin had been overpowered by a surge of memories; memories that now were not so warm. These memories where tainted with pain and longing. _I remember that little girl. I remember feeling so alone._ Rin remembered being saved by Lord Sesshomaru and the feeling she had that day. And then she suddenly remembered the day she had been left at the Fugashi Household with no goodbye. _Why did he save me? Why would anyone go through all that trouble just to then leave me alone?_ Rin's heart burned with a subtle resentment. She knew she couldn't blame Lord Sesshomaru for the life she had; it was hers. And he owed her nothing. But at the same time, she couldn't help feeling that it would have been better if he had just let her die that day. _All that "saving" to be left to this?_ When Rin had locked eyes with Lord Sesshomaru the previous day, she had felt something that repulsed her. Rin didn't want to see Lord Sesshomaru; she didn't even want to think of him. Because every time she thought of him she had to fight the twisted feelings of reminiscent love and deep resentment, and then chastise herself for casting her struggles upon another. _This is my battle. No one can fight this for me._ Rin didn't want to feel _anything_ towards Lord Sesshomaru. Not hatred. And definitely not love. She didn't want to care or hurt anymore. _Rin, just focus and breathe. This will pass._

* * *

A/N: Rin and Sesshomaru in the same room! Seems awfully tense to me! What are you guys thinking? Lemme know :)

Also, here's some of the little details behind the story…just thought I'd share them :]

I purposely chose names for certain characters/things.

Ryuu = Dragon, Azumi = Safe Residence, Daisuke = Great Help


	11. Festival of Fire

A/N: Here is it! Chapter 11, and it's a longer one ;) Thanks for the follows, reviews and support! It's always awesome hearing your thoughts and unique reactions to the material :3 Are you guys as excited as I am to finally get some Rin & Sesshomaru time/interaction? Well, sending my thanks for your kind words and shared enthusiasm 3 Happy reading!

* * *

[In the tearoom, some time after Lady Rin and Lady Fugashi had been dismissed]

After Lord Sesshomaru had talked with Master Fugashi he immediately exited the tearoom. He didn't plan on being there long and wanted nothing to do with the village's festival.

"But you must stay, you are our honored guest, my Lord" Master Fugashi had insisted on behalf of the Lady of the House.

The Lord would have easily refused the forced invitation if not for the fact that his mind was still fixated on _her_. The last time Lord Sesshomaru had left the village it took him months to shake that scent off. And it took him even longer to stop thinking about it. And now here he was again, and not only was her scent stronger than ever, but he now had to see the actual person that had preyed upon his consciousness for so long. And no matter of tactics seemed to correct his disturbed state of mind. As Lord Sesshomaru walked towards his chambers, his eyes fell on that door that he had stood in front of last time he had visited. He knew _she_ was in there, just behind that door. He couldn't subdue the thoughts that came to his mind. He pictured her face once more, knowing now that the image in his mind was accurate. He brought his gaze back in front of him and continued to his quarters.

* * *

[The next day; Jaken returns from the marketplace]

"Milord, are you okay?"

Jaken returned from the village market to find his Lord in the exact place where he had been when Jaken left earlier that morning. Hours had passed. Lord Sesshomaru sat at his window staring off into the nearby mountains. His face stoic as ever and gaze unflinching. _I never know what to do when he goes into these deep thoughts! Goodness!_

"We will leave soon, Jaken."

The Lord did not move from his seat or even look at his loyal servant. Jaken was a bit confused.

"But Milord, we just got he—"

"We will leave soon."

Jaken had frozen. Lord Sesshomaru rarely repeated himself and Jaken dared not make him do so again.

"Of course, Milord!"

After a moment of silence, Jaken decided to shift gears.

"I saw the Lady Rin while at the marketplace! She is still the sentimental girl she was before…"

Lord Sesshomaru's eyes fixed on Jaken.

"That human still knows not how to restrain her shows of affection!" Jaken rambled pretending he had been offended by Rin's actions.

"She shamelessly wrapped her arms around ME in the middle of the village market! To think that all those people could see such a spectacle made by Lady Rin! Ai ya!

Lord Sesshomaru's eyes slightly widened as Jaken continued to rant about Rin's brazen public embrace of him.

"Where is she?"

Jaken paused with the interruption; now noticing the Lord was focused on him.

"Uhh…I'm not sure, Milord. I last saw the Lady at the market when I said goodbye. But I'm sure she will return soon!"

Lord Sesshomaru turned his attention back to the window. Jaken looked around nervously. What had he done wrong?

"Milord, the village's week-long festival begins tonight. I'm sure our Lady Rin will be attending with the Fugashi Household. Would you not join them? You are, after all, the festival's honored guest!"

Lord Sesshomaru brought just his eyes back to Jaken for a moment.

"Perhaps."

Jaken was surprised. He was sure the Lord was going to either dismiss the idea or ignore the question altogether. He stood there for a moment in shock. Lord Sesshomaru looked back to the window.

"Send word to Lady Rin that I will escort her to the festival, is she so chooses."

Jaken was now in even more of a state of shock. _What just happened?_

"O-of course, Milord" Jaken's voice stuttered.

Jaken stood there for another moment in residual shock. Then the Lord's eyes darted back to him.

"Now, Jaken."

"Ahh! Yes, Milord! Of course!"

Jaken scurried away to fulfill his Lord's command, and Lord Sesshomaru remained unmoved with his thoughts once more.

* * *

When Rin had first heard the request from Master Jaken she had been caught off guard. Besides their first meeting, when Rin had bowed and honored the Lord, she had not seen much of him at all. And she preferred it that way. She wanted to decline the invitation, but knew the Master and Lady of the House would not let her so do without consequence. _Play your part, Rin. Don't forget your end game_. _You're getting close. Focus. Breathe._

Rin sat there on the edge of her bed once more, staring at the door in front of her. It was all so strange and ironic to her. The young, uncivilized girl that had entered this room so many years ago only wanted for one thing. And yet, here she was, a tamed _lady_ and all she wanted was the exact opposite. _I would have died to be with Sesshomaru_. Rin shook her head and closed her eyes. She ran her hands across her lap, feeling the soft silk caress her fingers. Suddenly the fabric caught, and her eyes opened. She looked to her lap and saw that the silk had snagged on one of her calluses. Rin remembered the countless hours she had spent and continued to spend training for combat. _Guess I'm not so tame after all_. Rin heard approaching footsteps and her heart stopped for a single moment. The steps halted in front of her door. A moment later there was a knock and Rin stared at the door in stillness. Another blunt knock followed and Rin stood up straight and began to walk towards the door. Suddenly there was a squeak in the floorboards and Rin's mind instantaneously went to the hidden kimono; the kimono Lord Sesshomaru had given her. As her thoughts raced after the memories of that kimono, her hand landed on the door. Rin's hand felt as if it could feel his presence, as if it could feel a warmth radiating from him. She paused trying to regain control of her thoughts. _Breathe. Focus._

* * *

When the door slid open Lord Sesshomaru could not have prepared himself for the surge of emotion that floored him. In all his years and all his training, he had never encountered such a powerful opponent. He was the great Lord of the West. The Lord who conquered many lands; whose strength and agility were respected and feared; the Great Dog Demon Lord who need not bow to another. But these titles meant nothing when faced with this internal battle before him. And as he fought for control within him, his exterior remained unmoved. That much he had left within his control. He looked upon Rin, and for the first time he was able to gaze at her without the eyes of onlookers watching him. He didn't need to armor himself. And as the Lord looked upon her, he felt something strange and compelling. She was like nothing he had ever seen before. Her long, thick, dark hair was loosely pulled back in a bun with just a few wandering strands of hair remaining around her face. Her skin was flawless, yet not perfect at all. The little scars and darkened shades of her skin showed that she had not lived nobly her whole life, but that she had survived much. And as her dark brown eyes gazed slightly down and away from him, he could not break his stare from her. There was so much to see, to observe. Lord Sesshomaru looked at her he felt an unfamiliar sense of admiration for this human; something he had never felt before…for anyone. He was taken by all the little imperfections that made her distinctly Rin. He hadn't realized that he had missed those so.

* * *

It was time to do it. She could no longer avoid it. _I have to look him in the eyes._ Rin internally bolstered herself, trying to ready her mind. _Focus, Rin. Breathe. This changes nothing._ Rin looked up and immediately found her eyes locked with the eyes of the demon Lord in front of her. His amber irises burned hers. She broke the gaze, and looked down trying to regain her resolve. _Nothing is changed. Remember your freedom_.

"Lady Rin."

His low and steady voice made her uneasy. She took a silent inhale and looked back up with a soft face.

"My Lord."

Rin quietly bowed to the demon Lord in front of her. She couldn't muster enough to say his name aloud. Sesshomaru stood there unmoving as Rin began to straighten up and look to the Lord once more.

"Shall we go, my Lord?"

Lord Sesshomaru's eyes were still fixed on her. Then in a moment, he nodded his head and extended his arm for her to grab. Rin reached her arm out, resting it on top of the demon Lord's. Everything within Rin was screaming; she wanted to pull away. Her skin was crawling and she was bearing down trying to not show her repulsion and internal confliction. Sesshomaru's arm firmed beneath hers. She felt the support and looked to him briefly. He no longer looked at her, but now his gaze was firmly in front of them. Rin looked back down and they began to walk. _What does he want from me?_

* * *

When Lord Sesshomaru had requested Rin's presence with him at the festival it was with the full intention of telling her that he would be leaving shortly…and that she would be coming with him. Talk of war had been spreading throughout the province and when Lord Sesshomaru caught word he knew immediately what must be done. The time had finally come to journey back to his place in the West, and that is where he intended on leaving Rin. He would not make the mistake of entrusting her to anyone else again. However, upon seeing Rin he found that he could not keep his usual, unadulterated focus.

[FLASHBACK]

"Sesshomaru, one day you will no what it is like to be made completely dumb by another's presence!"

Sesshomaru's eyes glared to the side. He despised his mother's lectures on love and companionship. As far as he was concerned, his duty to his mother and their family name was to surpass his father's legacy and forge new and secured territory for the West. _Father is no longer here, Mother. We cannot rely on the loyalty of others if we are to maintain our power. It will be I who secures our name and safety now. Without that security our family will surely perish._

"Don't disregard me, Sesshomaru! I am not one of your pathetic subjects!"

His mother approached him and stood directly in front of the Lord, she hated when he pretended to ignore her. Sesshomaru refused to look at her and acknowledge her rantings.

"You may be the Lord of the West, but you are not immune to being a demon!"

Sesshomaru's eyes looked to her for a moment. He couldn't imagine what she meant by that, but he often couldn't make sense of his mother's emotion laden ramblings.

"Once you find your _mate_ , then you will know what it is to be powerless…"

Sesshomaru's eyes fixed on his mother.

"I will do no such thing."

The Lady broke out in laughter. Sesshomaru growled. _If finding a mate means risking my power or the security of our kingdom, I will never succumb to such treachery. I will not make Father's mistake. Being without a companion is a very small price to pay. Why can you not understand this, Mother?_ Sesshomaru's mother turned her back to Sesshomaru and began to leave the room. She paused at the door and looked by over her shoulder at her son, the great demon Lord, her eyebrow raised.

"Like there's a choice."

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

* * *

Lord Sesshomaru watched as Rin walked around greeting the villagers participating in the festival. He watched her body move as she bowed and smiled at the other humans. He couldn't describe what she evoked in him, and the enigmatic nature of it all tortured him. When Rin began to disappear into the crowd, Sesshomaru grew uneasy. He got up from his seat at the banquet table and made his way toward her. When his eyes finally found her, he stopped for a moment and observed. He could see Rin intervening in a fight between human children. He watched her crouch down next to a small girl who had been thrown to the ground and gently help her up. Lord Sesshomaru kept his distance, he wanted to listen from afar; he wanted to observe this person who bothered him so.

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Rin looked to the little girl before her. Her knees were scraped and there were a few tears streaming down her dirt-covered face. Rin undoubtedly saw herself in this girl. The little girl's chin shook as she held in her small cry; she nodded her head and kept her eyes low. Rin's gaze shot up to the boys that had obviously harassed this girl. Her eyes burned on them.

"Leave this girl alone of you'll have me to answer to."

Rin's voice was firm and unflinching.

"And I _will_ know if you don't."

The boys quickly ran off and Rin brought her attention back to the wounded girl in her arms. She looked down at her with such compassion and empathy. _I wish I could take all the pain away. I wish I could undo this all._ Rin propped the girl up and helped her stand on her own two feet. Still crouching down Rin then grabbed one of the girl's hands and placed it between hers making it flat. Rin pressed her hands together molding the little girl's palm prostrate. She looked to her.

"What is your name, child?"

The little girl's teary eyes met the Lady's.

"K-kamiko", the little girl whispered.

Rin then used a hand to hold the girl's wrist up, forcing the girl to look at the flat palm she had formed. Rin then traced her fingers along the pinky-edge of the girl's hand and tapped on it.

"Make it harder, Kamiko."

Kamiko looked at the Lady in confusion and then flexed her flattened hand making it sturdy.

"Ah, perfect."

Rin smiled widely at the girl.

"Now, Kamiko. The next time anyone tries to push you around, you take this edge of your hand…"

Rin brought her fingertips back to the pinky-edge of Kamiko's hand once more. She then brought that edge of the little girl's hand to her throat.

"You hit here as hard as you can."

The girl's eyes widened.

"I promise you, Kamiko, they will never touch you again."

A little smile crept across the girl's face. And Lady Rin smiled back at her.

"Now go, enjoy the festival."

Kamiko quickly bowed to Lady Rin then ran off, repeatedly looking back over her shoulder and smiling brightly.

Rin stood there with a weary smile on her face watching as the girl began to disappear from her view. _Give them hell, Kamiko._

* * *

As Sesshomaru stood there watching Rin teach this girl how to protect herself he found himself disturbed yet fascinated. This was not the making of a Lady. _How does she know this? Why does she know this?_ He had so many questions and he was beginning to feel increasingly unsettled by his losing control and focus. _What is this?_

Sesshomaru watched as Rin began to make her way back to the banquet table. When she took her seat he watched as she looked around realizing that the Lord was not there. Everything about her confused him. Everything about her drew him in, and then pushed him away. He felt like this woman had some demonic hold on him; he was beguiled by her very presence and at the very same time he was disgusted by the sensation within him. Sesshomaru was beginning to dwell of the words his mother once said to him. Sesshomaru was beginning to wonder… _Is she?_

* * *

As the evening came to a close, Lord Sesshomaru arose from his seat and extended his arm once more toward the Lady Rin.

"Shall I escort you back to your chambers, Lady Rin?"

Rin didn't like it when he called her that. She didn't like anyone calling her that anymore. But she especially didn't like it when Lord Sesshomaru used that title. For some reason it made her feel like she was a liar. It felt as if he was clawing at her mask that she wore so well. _Errrrrrr. It's just like…Azumi…_ Rin reached out and placed her arm on his once more. As they stood together and began to take their exit, a gentle breeze passed through and Rin's scent encompassed Lord Sesshomaru. Suddenly his arm dropped away from hers and Rin's arm abruptly fell to her side. She looked to him in surprise and confusion. _What the hell was that?_ Rin kept her gaze on him, waiting for him to extend his arm once more. Sesshomaru stood there, unmoved. His gaze in front of him and his face expressionless. _That scent._

"Shall we go then?"

Rin was stunned. What had just happened? Why did he not want to support her arm now? _What the hell just happened?_ Lord Sesshomaru began to walk forward and Rin begrudgingly followed by his side. As they walked back to the Fugashi estate, Rin couldn't help but feel frustrated with the silent Lord. She started to feel that her old suspicions were right all along. _See, Rin. Nothing has changed. You are a human. You repulse him. Nothing has changed. Remember what you want, Rin. Freedom. Breathe. Focus._ When they began to approach the front gates of the Fugashi House, Rin froze. Lord Sesshomaru stopped a half step behind her and watched Rin closely.

Rin's eyes were fixed on a human man before them, just standing by the gates. He didn't look like anything special, maybe a guard based on his attire. The Lord looked back to Rin and saw that her eyes had widened with…fear. _Who is this man?_ As Lord Sesshomaru tried to grasp at what was going on before him, Rin completely changed her demeanor. Her tight mouth turned to a soft smile and her widened eyes slightly narrowed. Her clenched fists softened and she gently exhaled. _What the hell was that?_ The moment was gone, but Lord Sesshomaru had not missed it. He had seen her instinctual reaction to that human, and she looked _afraid._ Sesshomaru could sense his body tensing without his permission; his breath was growing hotter. Without a word, Rin then continued forward. Seamlessly, Lord Sesshomaru followed. As they walked towards the human, the man looked up and caught Lady Rin's gaze. Lord Sesshomaru watched as Rin stared into the man's eyes fiercely, not looking away once. The man, who had been laughing, froze in stillness. His eyes widened in terror. _Who is this man? And who is this woman?_

* * *

Rin couldn't believe it. It was _that_ man. _Hara's guard from that day._ She felt a sharp pang of horror rip through her body as she remembered it all clearly. She remembered his eyes looking at her and flitting away in shame. She remembered him pretending as if she wasn't there; pretending as if Hara hadn't broken her completely. _You did nothing. You heard my cries, you must have. You_ _ **saw**_ _me…and still, you did nothing. You did nothing!_ Rin's fire burned furiously within her. And in a single blink of the eye, Rin's training kicked in. She calmed her demeanor and focused on nothing else but him. She continued forward, staring into the eyes of this man without blinking. _Look at me! You cannot look away now! I will not let you forget! I can never forget!_ As Rin passed by him and his eyes finally caught hers, she could see the realization within his very pupils. He knew who she was. _He remembers._ Everything within her shook and without a thought her body had a visceral reaction. Her hips shifted and a clenched fist accelerated upwards. Then sudden stillness.

"Rin. Let us continue."

Rin had been halted. Her clenched hand caught in Lord Sesshomaru's. She was petrified. _What have I done? How could I lose control like that? Rin, get a hold of yourself!_ A moment later they were suddenly continuing forward, leaving the stunned man in the path behind them. Lord Sesshomaru's fingers permeated through Rin's iron fist. His clawed hand wrapped firmly around hers, holding it tightly. She looked to him as he kept his gaze forward, never releasing his hold of her hand once. _What is he doing? Rin. Focus._ When they finally reached her chamber door he released Rin's hand. Rin was still looking at him, waiting for him to do or say something. Waiting for some reaction. Lord Sesshomaru kept his gaze away from Rin's. His face was without a single indication of thought or emotion. Rin had been caught off guard by this sudden gesture, and was most definitely confused by this demon's actions. However, her training would not fail her now. She gripped her disorganized thoughts. _Rin! Breathe. Focus. Remember your freedom. Remember what you want!_

"Tomorrow, I will leave…"

Rin's eyes instantly narrowed on Lord Sesshomaru. _What is this? What does this demon want?_

"And you are coming with me."

Rin's eyes widened in shock. She felt the fire within her flash brightly. And then suddenly, a wave of calm came over her. The same calm that had enveloped her the night she took her revenge. _I bow to no one. Nothing changes. Remember that._ Sesshomaru's command firmed Rin's resolve.

"No."

Sesshomaru's eyes shot to hers. _Did she just say 'no'?_

"It was not a question. You are leaving this place."

Rin looked directly into his burning amber eyes matching his glare with her own. Even though her eyes held a deep rage, everything else about Lady Rin remained completely passive and delicate.

"If this is about what just happened, I don't need—"

"This has nothing to do with that. Your leaving with me had already been arranged."

Rin's eyes remained unmoved. Sesshomaru's as well. _Arranged? Is that so? You, son of a bitch._

"Why?" Rin's soft and contrived voice asked.

Rin looked at the Lord squarely, she was no longer intimidated to look him in the eyes. Sesshomaru was agitated by her questioning and simultaneously stirred by her tenacity. _What the fuck is this?_

"The 'why' does not matter. All that matters is that you _are_ leaving with Jaken and I tomorrow morning."

 _Tomorrow?!_ Rin was fighting everything within her that wanted to rage against this demon in front of her. She could see his eyes looking into hers, observing her every reaction. She would not be unraveled by his doings. _I will not let you. I will not allow anyone to break me again. I will not._ Rin steadied her breath and without a single word nodded her head and brought her gaze low once more. _You will not see me. You cannot have me. You will never control me_.

"Of course, my Lord. I am forever _indebted_ to you."

Rin could feel the fire burning in her heart. _I will never bow to this demon or any other. I AM RIN._ Lord Sesshomaru looked at the woman in front of him feeling internally conflicted by her last words. Even though she had submitted, her words felt like daggers stabbing at him. She was something completely different. He watched as she kept her now soft gaze low, but just a moment before he had seen it fume with indignant anger. She was something wild and untouchable in the most disturbing and shaking way, and the great and ruthless Lord of the West had no clue what to do with her. He could barely conjure enough strength to maintain his demeanor. And in just that very moment, Sesshomaru knew exactly who she was to him…He suddenly knew it so clearly. He would not say it to her, nor would he even speak the words aloud. But he suddenly knew without a doubt. _This woman is my…mate._

* * *

 _A/N: Oooooooooooh. Yea, I don't know what else say...hehe. What did you guys think? Review and let me know! ;) Until next time!_

 _Frida D_


	12. Choices Made

A/N: Hey guys! Love the reviews, and glad you guys are enjoying! They bring a smile to my face and push me to keep writing even when I feel like just taking a cat nap lol. Feel free to pm me if you have questions you actually want responses to-outside of these A/N's.

Just some vocab:

tsuka: katana handle

mokomoko: Sesshomaru's fur shoulder piece

And as always, some explicit language :3 Enjoy!

* * *

[3 Years Ago]

"You know, son, it isn't all powerlessness…"

The demonness looked at her son, the impervious Great Lord of the West. He had accomplished everything he intended to. Lord Sesshomaru had undoubtedly secured the Taisho name and their reign across the lands. He was feared. He was revered. He was untouchable. But the Lady feared that amidst her son's unquestionable strength lie a terrible weakness, a blindspot.

"…When I had told you that when you found your mate you would understand powerlessness, I didn't mean to keep you away from it."

"You didn't keep me away from anything, Mother." Sesshomaru said sternly correcting her mistake.

The Lord looked to his mother. Why was she bringing this up again? What crazy and futile thoughts was she having now?

"Sesshomaru, when the time comes and you find her, you'll know…"

Sesshomaru looked away from his mother and began to disregard the conversation. _Not this. Not again._

"Listen to me, Sesshomaru. Yes, you will feel powerless. And knowing you, you'll feel threatened by it. But Sesshomaru…there is a great strength in that part of you; the part that _needs_ another."

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed.

"I don't _need_ another, Mother. I am not like you in that way."

Sesshomaru's words burned his mother deeply, and he knew it. Sesshomaru meant to do so; he purposely spited his mother to keep her from continuing on. He could stand no more of this talk of 'mates' and 'needing another'. _Don't speak to me of such things, Mother. You know better._

* * *

Shortly after Azumi had left, Rin decided what she wanted for herself. She wanted to leave on her own terms. She wanted the freedom to come and go as she pleased and to be whoever she desired and not the role she was assigned. She wished to no longer be constrained by the title of "lady" or have to continually submit to other's wills and hide her strength. And amidst all of Rin's desires she knew that she did not happen an unlimited amount of time to make this happen. It was inevitable that she would be made to be someone's bride. And Rin would not allow that. _I will escape this life and this Rin. I_ _ **will**_ _leave this place._

* * *

Rin walked into a room. She now stood in her empty living quarters looking at the four walls that had represented her life for more than a decade. This was not how she had imagined leaving, escaping. But nonetheless, this would be her opportunity and probably her last chance to make it out of this life she had fallen into. As Rin bid an internal goodbye to the space around her, she took a step towards her bed to touch it one last time. And when inevitably the floor squeaked, Rin's mind returned to the object she had hidden for so long. _The kimono. The old Rin. The girl._ Rin contemplated for a moment if she should just leave the old kimono there, to never see it again. But something within her was curious. _I want to see it one last time_. Rin lowered to her knees and began to lift the floorboard. And there it was, a bundle of fabric, dusty and untouched. Rin lifted it and began to open the tied up cloth. Her eyes landed on the tattered kimono and she felt the rush of so many memories pass through her. Good memories. Painful memories. Longing. Emptiness. The last time she had looked at this bundle of fabric she was recovering with Azumi. _It seems so long ago, now. God, Azumi, I miss you. I could use you right about now…No, Rin. You can do this on your own._ Rin could hear Azumi's voice in her head correcting her; reminding her she would need to do it for herself. Suddenly the floorboards creaked again and Rin darted her gaze behind her. It was him. Lord Sesshomaru stood at the doorway and his amber eyes had fallen to her hands. _Shit._ Rin looked back down at the bundled kimono and quickly folded the cloth back over it, pretending there was nothing to be seen. Her hand shifted the floorboard back in place and she promptly stood up and took a short bow to the Lord.

"My Lord."

Sesshomaru was still staring at the bundled cloth in her hands.

"It's nothing. Just an old childhood object I had forgotten."

Rin turned back to her bed and placed the bundle down.

"I'll have a servant dispose of i—"

"May I see it?" The Lord interrupted.

Rin's eyes widened.

"The childhood object. May I see it?"

Rin's body tensed a bit; she then picked up the bundled of cloth and hesitantly turned around. Rin looked to Lord Sesshomaru, but his eyes were still fixed on the object. Rin walked towards him and extended her arms out, watching his eyes follow the object. A moment later Sesshomaru reached for the item and held it with his own hands.

* * *

Even though it was covered in old cloth, Sesshomaru knew what it was. He could smell the threadbare kimono and the scent it held onto. _This is the kimono…I gave her._ Sesshomaru's fingers gripped the bundled fabric, his eyes fixed on the object before him.

[FLASHBACK]

"Milord, we cannot care for this human anymore!"

Jaken was panicked, Lord Sesshomaru could tell that without a doubt. Sesshomaru sat unfazed by the small imp's distressed rantings, he watched as the toad flung his arms about and walked in circles.

"Her name is Rin."

Jaken froze mid sentence, totally caught off guard by the Lord's response. _I didn't think he was even listening._

"Whaaa?"

"We cannot take care of _Rin_ anymore. Isn't that what you meant?"

 _Didn't I say that?_

"Y-yes, Milord, of course."

Jaken shook his head in agreement even though he was still confused by the Lord's correction.

"Milord, Rin is no longer a little girl! She's growing into a woman and I have no knowledge of such crazy things!"

Lord Sesshomaru looked to Jaken and then looked away.

"Milord, should we not secure a qualified residence for the gir—, I mean, for Rin?"

Lord Sesshomaru remained unmoved as he sat there in thought. Jaken awaited his response in anxious silence.

"Do you imply that I cannot offer her a good home, Jaken?"

Jaken's face expanded in horror.

"No! Milord! Never!"

Sesshomaru brought his gaze back to the imp in question.

"M-milord! I only imply that you still have much work to do securing the Taisho name and reign! And a human, like Rin, will only get in the way of your important objective!"

Sesshomaru drew his glare away from his servant. He knew that he was right, even if he didn't want to believe so. _Why am I even bothered by this? He is right. The human will just get in the way. My duty is only to the Taisho name and kingdom. I will not succumb to any distraction, big or small. I must do what it necessary._

"You are correct, Jaken."

Jaken was stunned yet again. _I'm right?...I'm right!_ Lord Sesshomaru suddenly looked to Jaken. Jaken halted his internal self-praise, prepared for the Lord to rectify his misunderstood affirmation.

"Secure her a residence, Jaken."

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

Sesshomaru stood there in front of Lady Rin in complete stillness. His fingers gripped tighter around the bundle of fabric that seemed to permeate through his clawed hands. His amber eyes were unable to look away from the wrapped kimono. The feel of the cloth, the faded scent of a human, the memories attached; they were all attacking Sesshomaru. This object was a reminder of many forgotten things. It reminded him of how much time had really passed. It reminded him of the choice he had made. It reminded him that he had left her. It reminded him that she still…remembered.

So many choices made that didn't seem like choices at the time.

* * *

By dusk they were miles into the forest, long past Azumi's empty cabin. They had been traveling since morning and Rin felt a bittersweet sensation throughout her mind and body. She was relieved to finally have left that Household, to know she would never have to call it home again. However, she was not leaving of her own accord, and her fellow travelers' presence constantly reminded her of that. As Rin sat atop A-Un, her old friend, her eyes watched Sesshomaru's long, white hair sway side to side and he continued to walk forward. She was still at a loss regarding Sesshomaru's reaction to the bundled kimono earlier that day.

[FLASHBACK]

"You mean to dispose of this?"

Rin was caught off guard. Lord Sesshomaru had been standing there, just looking at the wrapped kimono for a very long, uncomfortable period of time. And when he finally spoke his eyes never strayed away from the object in his hands. He hadn't attempted to unwrap it, he just stared at it, unmoving. _What is going on? What is he doing?_

"Uh, yes, my Lord…"

Rin began to extend her arm out to reach for the clump of old cloth. Lord Sesshomaru's gaze suddenly shot up to hers and his amber eyes looked as if they were on fire. _What the hell?_ Sesshomaru's hands clenched and his gaze quickly dropped away from Rin. He took a deep breath as Rin watched him carefully observing his every movement.

"I will dispose of it. For you."

The Lord's voice sounded as if it had a murmur of a shake in it. _What the fuck is going on? Did he see it when he came in? Is he angry I'm throwing it away? What right does he…_ Sesshomaru turned on a heel and began to exit the space. He paused just outside the door.

"Jaken and I will be waiting for you outside."

Rin looked at his back now. She could not understand this person. And Rin did not want to spend anymore time trying to understand him or trying to decipher his actions. She did want to have to work to try not hating him…because if she hated him that would mean she cared enough to be hurt by him. _Focus on what you want, Rin. Focus on your freedom._

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

"We'll stop here and camp here, tonight."

Jaken pulled on A-Un's ropes and the creature halted. As Rin looked around to scan the campsite she suddenly felt hands wrap around her waist. One of Rin's hands instinctually grabbed at the perpetrator's wrist, her fingers clenched. Her narrowed eyes instantly followed. There she was staring into Sesshomaru's eyes with focused ferocity. Her breath was caught in her chest. She could see he meant to assist her off A-Un, but Rin was on alert since she had left home and her reflexes were beyond her. She released her clamped hand and shifted her gaze away from him.

"I can get off on my own…my Lord."

Without a word, Sesshomaru swiftly brought her to her feet.

"I know you can."

Sesshomaru released his hands and walked away. Rin grit her teeth and took a deep breath. _Rin, focus._ She felt fire burn in her, but she fought it fiercely. _Do not allow anyone to see this. Don't let him get to you, Rin._

* * *

Darkness had swept over the campsite as their fire began to lose its power, sinking into glowing embers. Rin's eyes opened. She looked around herself searching for the bodies of her traveling companions. She could see Jaken and A-Un, and a moment later she could see the Lord propped against a nearby tree. Rin slowly began to sit up, watching the Lord and Jaken for any movement. When all was still, Rin began to stand and lightly walk towards the one chest of belongings she had brought with her. _The one moment walking like a lady pays off_. There was barely any light out, the moon was a slender sliver in the sky, but it gave her just enough light to see her way. _This is your moment, Rin. Take the opportunity before it passes. Breathe. Focus._ Rin opened the chest cautiously, looking around her to be sure Jaken and the Lord were still asleep. Rin reached to the bottom of the chest and she felt it. _Daisuke. Let's get out of here._ Rin placed the wrapped blade on the ground and grabbed her clothes. She carefully closed the chest and looked around her once more. She kept her eyes on the Lord as she slowly rose to standing and then she began to take one step backward at a time. She did so until she could no longer see them or the fading embers of the fire. She then turned on her heels and began to quietly sprint. Her heart was racing and she could feel it as if it were pounding in her throat. She was so anxious. Even more than the night she had killed Hara. _I have to escape. I've waited so long. I only have this one chance._

Rin kept running, her heartbeat getting louder and louder in her ears. She ran until she had no breath left within her and then darted behind a tree resting her back on it. As her chest heaved up and down gasping for air she looked around her scanning her surroundings. _You're alone. Good._ Rin crouched down and began to untie her obi with one hand. The other hand clenched her blade while her eyes continued to look around. She shook away her now frayed silk kimono, and looked around once more. When she was sure she saw no one around her she put her blade down and began to put a simple man's kimono on. She secured her obi and then grabbed the wrapped Daisuke. She unraveled the dark cloth around it and then she placed the sheathed Daisuke in her obi. Rin took the cloth that had wrapped it and placed it within her kimono, against her chest. She quieted her breath for a moment and closed her eyes. She stood there, against the tree, and listened. She could hear the little cooing sounds of the forest; she could hear that wind rustling through the leaves bringing calm to this wild domain. Her thoughts flashed to the night she had walked the dark forest alone making her way to that river. _Not this time. This is the real thing, Rin. You're doing it. You're free. So, breathe. Focus._ One of Rin's hands dismantled the bun in her hair and then her hands quickly fastened her loose mane into a French braid. She fastened the braid with a piece of cloth and then looked around once more. When she saw nothing she brought her hand to her hip to hold the Daisuke close and prepared to run once more.

"Don't run."

Rin's eyes darted around herself frantically searching for the voice. She heard a twig snap behind her and instantly her hand withdrew her blade and she pivoted swiftly and drew the blade down on her opponent. Rin's eyes locked with the amber eyes before her. Sesshomaru's hand held the blade up, keeping it from slicing into his face. A stream of blood trailed down his arm from his hand. Rin's breath was short and shallow, she suddenly realized she was still bearing her weight down into her katana; cutting into Sesshomaru's hand. She withdrew her blade and took a defensive stance. _No pretenses now._

"Move away."

Rin glared at Sesshomaru, ready to destroy anything that may stand in the way of her freedom. Sesshomaru looked at his hand noticing the blood and then looked back to her, his face unchanged.

"Move. Away. I am leaving."

Sesshomaru stood still and unmoving. His amber eyes fixed on hers.

"Move away! Don't force my hand!"

Rin lifted the Daisuke, the blade diagonally held to the side of her face. The Lord remained unmoved. _So be it._ Rin shifted forward and swept her katana creating a silver streak through the dark night. Sesshomaru sidestepped. Rin's eyes looked to her side seeing the Lord just a half step away from her. She pivoted and glided her blade and felt it make contact. The Lord stood there expressionless and she withdrew her blade from his flesh. His hand came to his shoulder, his kimono now torn from the katana's cut, blood was leaking out. His eyes were still fixed on her. _He's not fighting back. Fight me, demon! Get out of my way or fight me!_ Rin recoiled into her stance.

"Either get out of my way or fight me."

Her eyes glared at him with full rage; she no longer had to hide her fire.

Sesshomaru did nothing; his blood began to soak his pristine kimono.

"Leave me be, demon!"

Rin lunged forward, propelling her body as a weapon. _You will not take my freedom!_ Suddenly her body was constricted. She looked up and saw his eyes. His arms were wrapped around her, binding her in a close embrace. She could smell his blood. She could feel the touch of his mokomoko against her skin. She could feel his pulse.

"Get off me!" Rin hissed.

His grip released and Rin fell to the ground and instantly began to crawl backwards, clutching her blade. Her face and body now covered in the Lord's blood. Rin felt herself unraveling, and fast. Millions of thoughts and memories raced through her mind. _I won't go back. I won't go back!_ Rin backed herself against a tree as Sesshomaru took a step forward. She looked like a cornered animal seething with animosity. Sesshomaru took another step forward.

"Stop!"

Rin brought the edge of the Daisuke to her throat. Sesshomaru halted.

"Don't take another fucking step!"

Sesshomaru stood still, his gaze locked on Rin's teary eyes.

"I won't go back. "

Rin had nothing left to lose. If she could not escape this life, she would escape this world. _I'm sorry, Azumi_. _I tried._ A streak of white shot before her and suddenly Sesshomaru was kneeling in front of her, his bloody hand holding the blade of the Daisuke once more. The blade suddenly glowed red. Rin's eyes looked to the radiating blade and then back to Sesshomaru. _No! Let me die!_ Rin released the tsuka and clenched her fists against her chest like armor. She looked into the Lord's amber eyes and did not look away. If she could not fight him with her blade, she would fight him with her words.

"Take me, then. Do what you, please. You will never have me. You will never break me!"

Rin's voice was livid with malevolence. Sesshomaru could clearly see the fire ablaze in Rin's soul. And Sesshomaru said nothing, and his silence infuriated Rin. _Why do you stop me?! Why do you continue to torture me?!_ Rin wanted him to react. She wanted to see him in pain, to see him hurt…like she did. _I hate you. I hate you, you cursed demon._

"Go, Sesshomaru. Make me your servant for the rest of my pathetic, human life. Make me wait upon you until I am no more."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened. She was onto something. Rin continued, digging her bladed words into the discovered artery.

"Yes, _Lord Sesshomaru_. Make me wait longer. Make me even more decimated than I am now. Is that not what you wanted? Is that not what you intended for your spared human burden?"

Sesshomaru's pupils retracted in horror. Rin's hands grabbed the collar of her kimono and started to pull it away. _I will make you face me. I will make you see what I've become._

"Why not take me here and now and get it over with, _my Lord_? Take what's rightfully yours. What is _indebted_ to you…"

Rin's words sliced deeper than a blade ever could and Sesshomaru felt the cuts deeply. He dropped the Daisuke's blade away and grabbed her hands, stopping them in place. He pressed his hands into her, pinning her against the tree, immobilizing Rin's body. Rin closed her eyes and laughed. The sound sent chills down the Lord's spine.

"Yes. You are all the same."

Sesshomaru's eyes were frozen on Rin's sickeningly calm face. He couldn't move or say a word. Her laughed suddenly ceased and her eyes opened on his.

"Take what you want..."

Rin leaned her head in close, bringing her hot breath to the demon Lord's ear. Lord Sesshomaru couldn't move himself. She then whispered to him sensually,

"You wouldn't be the first."

Lord Sesshomaru pushed her away and stared at her in terror. Rin closed her eyes once more, leaning the back of her head on the tree behind her in a dark satisfaction.

"That's what I thought…" she whispered.

Lord Sesshomaru couldn't even breathe. He had never in all his battles and injuries felt such pain and paralyzing fear.

"Not the Rin you wanted…am I?"

* * *

A/N: Oh, damn. Right? Shizzzzzzz. Things are getting crazy :3 lol. So what do you think? As always, let me know in the reviews ;) Hope you all had a good Sunday/weekend. Here's to another work week...ugh.

Cheers,

Frida D


	13. Wounded

A/N: Hey guys! So here's the next installment. It's shorter one...we had a rainstorm in my little corner of the world and it resulted in my friend's basement flooding and me helping carry water out (ahhhhhhh!). So I am currently exhausted. Just a normal Monday, right? lol. Well I hope you are all having a less eventual week so far. As always, thanks for the reviews and shared thoughts! Happy Reading!

* * *

"So what will the great and feared Taisho Dog Demon do now?"

Rin opened her eyes, tilting her head to the side. She felt dark within. She felt empty and numb. She felt as if the fire that had once furiously burned within her had suddenly vanished and taken her with it. _I don't care what happens anymore. There's nothing left to take from me. I am already dead._

* * *

Sesshomaru sat there, his eyes closed and breath steady. He was listening to her footsteps. He could smell her scent moving around the camp and he wondered what she intended to do. The Lord thought about opening his eyes for a moment, but dismissed the thought. _Wait. Let us see what she does._ Lord Sesshomaru heard the sound of Rin opening her trunk and a moment later another scent emerged. _That scent. The smell of human blood._ Sesshomaru was no longer curious; his attention was fixated. His eyes remained closed as her heard the slightest sound of footsteps drift away from the camp and then suddenly the sound of Rin's kimono flitting as she ran. In less than a second, Sesshomaru was on his feet and gliding through the dark forest. His steps were like air and his demon instincts were in full effect. He could see perfectly in the dark, even better than in the daylight. His eyes locked on Rin and watched as she darted behind a tree and stopped for a moment. He paused, and watched from a distance. Sesshomaru observed as Rin look around constantly, watching for followers. Rin's eyes couldn't see him or much of anything in this heavy darkness. Rin then began to quickly untie her obi. Sesshomaru's eyebrows knit together. He watched as her elegant kimono dropped from her shoulders. Suddenly the Lord's eyes widened. It was not the bareness of the woman's body that caught him off guard, but the specific body before him. As Rin continued to look around her, on guard, Sesshomaru stood in stillness. _Her body._ Sesshomaru's eyes traced down her body swiftly. He observed a kind of body that he was not accustomed to seeing, or had ever seen before. Her figure was defined and sturdy, nothing fragile about it. The Lord's eyes followed the lines of her muscles, which were made visible with each movement. Her torso was riddled with scars, former injuries. And as she stood there, changing, he saw a strength and composure that he hadn't ever seen in any human woman before. But Sesshomaru's eye's fixed on something that bewildered him more than anything else. _What are those lines?_ As Rin shifted her body, Sesshomaru could see these black linear designs covering Rin's back and the sides of her ribs. _They look like…demon markings._

As Rin dawned her male kimono, she began to unwrap a sheathed sword and place it in her obi. _That scent. Dried human blood._ Sesshomaru's eyes widened once more in confusion. Rin began to move forward. Sesshomaru no longer wanted to observe her; he had seen enough and he wanted answers.

"Don't run."

Sesshomaru watched as Rin eyes flitted around looking for the voice that haunted her. Sesshomaru moved forward. And suddenly there was only stillness. Sesshomaru's hand was holding a blade; Rin had swiftly sliced the katana towards him. He felt a tickle of pain as he realized that the blade had cut into the flesh of his palm.

"Move away."

Sesshomaru's eyes were fixed on that of the woman before him. Sesshomaru was beginning to feel pain, but not because of the wound in his hand. He was starting to feel as if he been wrong about something, that he had made a poor decision. And this realization was in itself excruciating because it was something Sesshomaru had never thought or felt before.

"Move. Away. I am leaving."

Rin's voice was no longer that of a refined lady. Her voice was sharp and threatening. He couldn't look away from her.

"Move away! Don't force my hand!"

Rin began to draw her blade up and took a protective stance. Before Sesshomaru could even think, the light of the blade was flying towards him. He took a step to the side, but suddenly the metal made contact with him. His eyes were still fixed on hers. Rin withdrew the blade from his shoulder and Sesshomaru brought his hand to the wound in stoic realization. Sesshomaru could feel himself stunned. Not by her strength, though she was strong. Not by her agility, though she was agile. The pain he could see in her eyes stunned Sesshomaru, and he felt immobilized by it.

"Either get out of my way or fight me."

A moment of silence passed.

"Leave me be, demon!" Rin screamed.

Rin began to lunge forward. In a moment Sesshomaru found his arms wrapped around her, holding her close. He could smell the sweat of her skin. He could feel her heartbeat pounding against him. He could smell his blood covering her human scent.

"Get off me!"

Sesshomaru's arms released her. Her voice had sounded so full of contempt and pain. Sesshomaru watched as she crawled away on the ground. His mate looked like a wounded animal. He couldn't stand to see this. Sesshomaru took a step forward; he wanted to help her.

"Stop!"

Suddenly Rin brought her own blade to her throat, her eyes wide with fear and anger. _She looks…afraid…She's afraid of me._

"Don't take another fucking step!"

Sesshomaru couldn't look away from her. _What have I done? What have I done, Rin?_

"I won't go back. "

Suddenly Sesshomaru saw a look in her eyes. He saw the look of resignation. Before he could think another thought, he moved with as much speed at he could conjure and grabbed the blade of her katana once more. He wouldn't let her. The blade began to emit a red light, but Sesshomaru could care less about that; his only focus was on the person holding it. Rin dropped the sword and brought her fists to her chest.

"Take me, then. Do what you, please. You will never have me. You will never break me!"

Sesshomaru could not believe what was happening before him. _She wants to kill herself? Why?_

"Go, Sesshomaru. Make me your servant for the rest of my pathetic, human life. Make me wait upon you until I am no more."

Sesshomaru's breath caught in his throat. His heartbeat felt as if it ceased to exist and the pain of his open wounds began to burn through him. _She…she…_

"Yes, _Lord Sesshomaru_. Make me wait longer. Make me even more decimated than I am now. Is that not what you wanted? Is that not what you intended for your spared human burden?" Rin's voice hissed.

Sesshomaru felt as if he was being drawn into an abyss of darkness. Nothing seemed more real than the ravenous pain striking at his mind and body.

"Why not take me here and now and get it over with, _my Lord_? Take what's rightfully yours. What is _indebted_ to you…"

Sesshomaru couldn't breathe. He watched as Rin's fists turned soft and delicate once more. He watched as she began to pull the edges of her kimono away, revealing herself. Sesshomaru grabbed her hands and pushed her back against the tree. _STOP!_ His breath was ragged as if he had just come out of battle. Suddenly the sound of her laughter filled the air and Sesshomaru felt as if a ghost had touched him.

"Yes. You are all the same."

Sesshomaru looked to her. What was she feeling? _What do you mean?_

"Take what you want..."

Sesshomaru watched as Rin's eyes narrowed playfully on him. She began to bring her face close to his, and he felt paralyzed by her movement. She exhaled and he felt the moisture in her breath touch his skin. His skin felt as if it were burning. She brought her mouth to his ear.

"You wouldn't be the first."

Lord Sesshomaru's heart dropped within him as he pushed the terrorizing presence in front of him away. _This is not you! This is not my mate!_ Sesshomaru watched as Rin leaned her head back as a dark smile spread across her anguished face.

"That's what I thought…" she whispered.

Lord Sesshomaru stared at the woman before him, now filled with more emotion than he ever experienced in his whole life.

"Not the Rin you wanted…am I?"

* * *

"So what will you do, my great Lord?"

Rin stared at the stunned Sesshomaru, reveling in her ability to bring the great demon Lord to his knees. As she looked into his eyes she began to see something unfamiliar… _what is this?_ Sesshomaru dropped his head and took a few deep breaths. Gradually he brought his head up, his gaze down. Sesshomaru extended his arm out towards Rin, opening his bleeding hand in front of her. Rin was confused. She tensed her body, beginning to guard herself. _So he is just like the others. He will take me._

"The cloth."

Rin was confused. _What is he talking about_? Rin decided to take the offense.

"Can't look at your tainted human anymore, my Lord?"

Rin's voice hissed with resentment. Sesshomaru's eyes shot up to hers, they were burning red with fire, his pupils black and dilated.

"The cloth against your chest. The one you wrapped your blade in. Give it to me."

Rin was shocked. _How does he know about that?_ She brought a hand over her chest and protected the fabric tucked under her kimono. Sesshomaru's hand reached forward and slid within Rin's collar. His claws grazed her warm skin and Rin tensed her body and prepared for the worst. _I won't go down without a fight._ Rin burned him with her glare.

"You monster…"

Sesshomaru's hand sharply withdrew and brought the fabric that had been tucked against Rin's chest to him.

"Whose blood is this?" his voice asked lowly.

Rin was still confused.

"It doesn't matter."

"Whose blood stains this fabric?" Sesshomaru's voiced raised.

Rin searched his eyes. He had just been terribly wounded but now Sesshomaru looked angry with her. _Why does he care about the cloth or the blood? Didn't he hear what I said?_ Rin gritted her teeth. She **would** make him yield. She would make him hurt. She reached a hand out and placed it on Sesshomaru's bleeding hand. His eyes darted to hers.

"It's the blood of the man who raped me."

Silence filled the air. They stayed there staring into each other's eyes. Sesshomaru caught in realization and Rin unwilling to relent. And Rin wanted the first move. _I won't yield._

"I took his life. I made him pay the greatest price…and I enjoyed it."

Sesshomaru withdrew his hand from Rin. Within a single moment, he was carrying Rin and she felt as if she were flying through the forest. They were moving so fast Rin didn't even have time to react. A second later they were back at the camp. Sesshomaru dropped Rin to the ground beside A-Un and Jaken. Jaken abruptly awoke from his sleep at the sound of Rin's body landing on the ground.

"Watch her, Jaken. Do not let her leave." Sesshomaru commanded with intensity.

Jaken was confused and disoriented. He looked to his Lord, covered in blood, and then to Rin. _What's going on?_

"Milord wh—"

" **DO NOT LET HER LEAVE**."

Jaken shook his head in submission, his eyes wide with fear. And not a moment later Lord Sesshomaru was gone, and not a sound could be heard around them.

* * *

A/N:? Right? What do you guys think? Let me know! Thanks for the support and for sharing your thoughts! Your comments are awesome ^_^

Frida D


	14. The Most Delicate Thread

A/N: Hey Readers! It's been a crazy week. Finally had the opportunity to sit down and write a bit. Here's the next chapter, read and review and (hopefully) enjoy!

* * *

"Get out of my way, Jaken."

"No, Lady Rin! Our Lord said I mustn't let you leave!"

Rin looked down on the green imp. She had no quarrel with him, but she had no intention on staying here and waiting for Sesshomaru to return for his unexplained departure. She didn't care what came her way anymore. Live or die, it didn't matter. She just wanted to leave. _Let me go._

"Don't call me that."

Jaken looked to Rin confused as ever. He had no clue what the hell was going on, but he knew one thing for certain. _I cannot fail, Milord!_

"What do you mean, Lady Rin?"

Rin's eyes narrowed on the toad demon.

"Do not call me Lady Rin."

Jaken stood there staring at her in shock. _Who is this indignant human?_ The woman in front of him looked nothing like the Lady that had performed before Lord Sesshomaru; she looked nothing like the distinguished lady that had embraced him in the village market place. Before him stood a woman who looked ragged and rugged. She was painted in blood. Her hair was tied back in this strange woven pattern, but loose hair sprung from its hold. _She's even wearing a man's kimono!_ Even Rin's eyes looked different to the little imp before her. _Where did Rin go?_ Jaken nodded his head to signal that he understood Rin's request, or more like her demand.

"Now, move aside, Jaken."

Jaken's eyes shot to Rin's. _I may not be able to call you 'Lady Rin' anymore, but I will not be pushed around by some defiant human!_

"No! I will do no such thing!"

Rin began to walk forward, trying to push the little master back. Jaken grabbed his staff and pointed its heads at Rin.

"I will surround you with a prison of flames if that's what it takes to keep you here, human!"

Rin looked into the imp's eyes. She could tell he was serious, and nervous, but nonetheless serious. Rin stepped back and relented. It was still nighttime, and Rin was sure she would be able to find another opportunity to slip away before the sun came up.

"Go sit down, Rin."

Rin looked behind her at the dying fire she had left earlier. _Just sit down, Rin. Wait a couple hours until Jaken falls asleep again and then leave._ Rin turned around and walked beside the fire and took a seat. Holding his staff, Jaken made his way over to her and sat across from her, watching her closely.

"No tricks, Rin." Jaken muttered.

Rin looked at him and gave the imp an unconvincing nod of agreement. As the sat there in front of the emanating embers, Rin felt the gentle warmth of the fire caressing her sore body. She hadn't realized how tired it was. She then smelled the scent of Sesshomaru's blood lingering on her clothes, it changing as the liquid dried on her. _This scent_. Rin felt repulsed by it, but she couldn't do anything about it now. Rin brought her focus to a single glowing ember before her. She watched as it illuminated from a black lump with crackled lines of orange into a radiating red ruby of fire. It looked as if the ember itself was breathing as it changed back and forth. And as Rin stared at it she felt a heaviness come over her; she felt the weight of all her walls crashing down. Rin began to fall asleep.

* * *

When Rin awoke she took a sudden inhale, she hadn't realized she had even fallen asleep. Her eyes darted around. It was still dark, so she hadn't been asleep long. Rin looked to Jaken, his hand still wrapped around his staff, but his eyes closed. _Good. This is my chance._ Rin began to slowly stand up. When she did so without waking the little demon she smirked and then began to walk away one step at a time. Suddenly the sound of a ting against metal resounded through the camp. Rin looked back towards Jaken.

"I said no tricks!"

Rin looked back to see Jaken holding the Daisuke beside him, flicking his finger against it. _How the hell did he get that?_

"I am no foolish idiot, Rin! I knew you'd try to escape! So I found myself a little leverage!"

Rin's eyebrows knit together and an irritated frown covered her face. _I can't leave without it. I won't leave without that sword._

"Come and sit, child!"

Jaken pointed his staff to the spot she had just been sleeping in. Rin paused for a moment looking further into the forest, and then gradually began to make her way back. She sat down and stared at Jaken squarely.

"Well, if the blade is that important to you, you might as well sleep because it's staying right here with me."

Rin's eyes narrowed. _Jaken, you little shit._ _I will get my blade, and I will leave this all behind._

* * *

Rin heard a sound and shot up from her vulnerable position of sleep she had fallen into by the faded campfire. It was sunrise, and the sky above her was filled with vivid oranges and pinks. Rin looked up for a moment in awe and then heard the song of a bird echoing around her. Her body calmed and she released a soft exhale. _That sound, and the sky…it's so…beautiful._ Rin sat up more comfortably and breathed in the fresh air, laden with dew from the morning's moisture. Everything looked so new, and felt so new. Rin squeezed her knees in towards her chest, embracing herself and the little chill that covered her body. This felt so different from her mornings at the Fugashi House. Rin looked to the imp sleeping across from her, his arms wrapped around his staff and her sword in a cuddled embrace. She smiled. It was funny after all. Rin's eyes went back to the sky; she had never seen a sunrise like this. _This is…breath taking._ Suddenly the sound of steps emerged from the forest before her. Rin's hands clenched and her eyes darted to her Daisuke and then back to the direction of the sound. _We're not safe, Jaken I need my blade._ Just a moment later Rin's eyes widened in shock. There was Sesshomaru. He emerged from the woods from afar, walking towards their camp; his face completely blank and his eyes steadily forward. Sesshomaru was covered in blood. His white hair had streaks of red running through it. His pristine kimono soaked crimson and torn across his chest. The markings on his face were obscured by splatters of rouge. And his claws were painted with blood. Sesshomaru looked otherworldly. _What the fuck…_

Sesshomaru approached the fire, not bringing his gaze to Rin at all. His eyes looked so distant; he looked as if he wasn't there at all. His eyes were glazed over and his breath was so quiet, so calm.

"Let's go."

Sesshomaru's voice was low and unlike anything Rin had ever heard from him before. Jaken awoke to the sound and immediately found himself confused and disoriented.

"Milord! You've re—"

"We go now."

Jaken's eyes had just taken in the sight of his Lord Sesshomaru and his face was aghast. He had seen his demon Lord in countless battles and not once did he ever look anything close to this. Not once did he ever bear the blood of his opponent as a result of battle. Lord Sesshomaru was precise and clean; he was efficient and never cared to dirty himself with his victims' blood. But here he was, blood drenched and in a haze of carnage. _What is going on?_

"We leave NOW.

* * *

Rin watched as the demon Lord sat beside a pond of water. They had finally stopped walking and were settling down. It had been a long day and not a word had been shared between any of them. Rin had spent the whole day staring at Sesshomaru, wondering whose blood he bore on his body and why he bore it. Rin wanted to leave, to escape, but after the state of Sesshomaru's return Rin was unsure if she would be able to. And as she stared at him in confusion she found herself frustrated once more. Rin didn't want to care, she didn't want to wonder about anything regarding the demon Lord, but she couldn't stop the questions from surfacing in her mind. _Where did he go? Whose blood is that on him? Isn't he injured? Isn't he still wounded and bleeding? Didn't he hear what I said to him? Didn't he get that I hate him?_ When the Lord had finally ceased their journeying and signaled to Jaken to set camp, not a moment later he began to walk off into the forest again. Before Jaken could say a word, Rin followed. She would not be left to wait on him again. _I must finish this._ Rin followed him from afar, and eventually found him sitting by a small body of water. Rin watched as he stood and then dismantled his armor. Sesshomaru lowered his mokomoko and then began to walk into the pond. Sesshomaru's torn kimono began to bleed the color red as the Lord press further into the water. _No more waiting. No more questions._ Rin began to approach. Now was her opportunity. As Rin stepped toward the edge of the pond Sesshomaru halted, ribs deep in the water. His back was faced to Rin and the torn fabric of his kimono was floating in the pond's ever reddening water. Rin felt a strange pang of pain ripple through her body.

"Whose blood is that?" Rin asked firmly.

Sesshomaru didn't move, he didn't acknowledge her presence.

"It doesn't matter."

Rin gritted her teeth. He was using her own words against her. _So you want to play this game, demon Lord?_

"Did you quench your blood-lust, Lord Sesshomaru? Did you kill enough people to make yourself feel better?"

Rin watched his back closely, looking for any little movement or indication of a reaction.

"No amount of blood will do that."

Rin stood silent. His voice was firm, but it sounded so raw, and unhinged. _I…can't….back…down._ Rin was intent on pushing any sense of care or vulnerability away. She would not be made a fool again. _What do you want? Why do you keep me here?_

"You don't owe me anything. You don't owe me guilt or saving. I don't need to be saved."

Sesshomaru turned around, facing Rin. His eyes locked with hers.

"I killed them all."

Rin's eyes widened. She had no clue what he was talking about.

"The Fugashi name is dead."

Rin's pupils shrunk as her eyes opened in shock and terror.

"The Hara name is dead. And that man as well; the guard."

Rin was paralyzed in shock. She couldn't fathom how and why. Rin was grasping at loose strings within her. _How did he know about Hara? He killed Hara's guard? He killed the Fugashi Household?_ Rin was overwhelmed, and she was infuriated.

"I never asked you to do that! That wasn't yours to take!" she yelled.

Rin clenched her hands. _How dare you! You think that makes everything ok? You think their deaths will bring me happiness? You think that now I should feel better?_

"You think that makes me feel better? That it makes it all go away?"

Rin yelled fiercely at the demon Lord starting straight into his amber eyes. She could feel tears beginning to swell around her eyes. _No, Rin! Don't cry!_ Sesshomaru's blood splattered face stared at Rin's, which was smeared with his blood.

"No."

Rin's eyes looked to him searching for what he wanted; searching for what he could possibly say to make her not hate him anymore. Sesshomaru stood unmoved, not another word passing through his lips. Rin felt a tear beginning to crawl down her cheek. _No! Don't say it, Rin._

"If you wanted to make me feel better…you should have been there. You shouldn't have left me alone. You shouldn't have save me from wolves to leave me with them again. You shouldn't have left me believing…you cared"

Sesshomaru's eyes remained unflinching and fixed on her.

"No amount of blood will make it right. No amount of pain will suffice. No amount of blood will make you feel better…I've had to learn that myself."

Rin's eyes looked down to the ground, but no longer out of submission or obedience. She looked down because the weight of all her decisions, all her walls, all of her hurt was bearing down heavier than ever. She had made Hara bleed. And she had Sesshomaru too. But she didn't feel any better. She felt numb, empty…and alone. Who else could she hate? Who else was there to make pay? How would she pick herself up now? It felt as if the last and most delicate thread had broken within her. Without another word, Rin turned around and walked away. Everything within her felt worthless and purposeless. _Let him go, Rin. He's paid enough._

* * *

"Rin."

Rin heard her name, but for some reason she couldn't respond. She had just been sitting there staring into the distance, but her body felt lifeless. She felt as if her spirit had already left its vessel. She felt as if that fire that had driven her for so long had left and stolen her soul without notice. It felt as if she was truly feeling for the first time since Hara left her broken in pieces. So numb, yet so much riveting pain. She felt the price of her bitterness at its fullest. _I lost myself. I've lost myself._ Rin sat against a tree holding her knees near, cradling herself like a child. _Azumi, what do I do now? How do I save myself? How do I save myself from this?_

"Rin", the voice called again.

Rin looked up to find Sesshomaru standing before her. Standing in just his bloodstained hakama; his mokomoko over his shoulder. Her eyes saw him differently. She didn't feel the fury she had before. She didn't feel panic or desire. She felt pity _…_ she felt guilt. _He's not Hara. He didn't deserve your wrath_. _He really owes you nothing._ Rin was feeling the aftermath of her vengeful fire dying, and the guilt of her bitter fury.

"Rin. Listen."

Rin's glazed eyes looked at the Lord. _What am I? What have I done? What do I have left?_ Sesshomaru stared at her, his amber eyes fixed on her.

"I will not make you to stay with me…."

Sesshomaru's eyebrows knit together.

"I will not make you do anything."

Rin's eyes widened slightly in confused concern. _What is he doing?_

"I want you to have what you want."

Sesshomaru looked away from Rin's brown eyes.

"Live freely, Rin."

Rin stared at the injured demon before her in a state of shock. What was he saying? And why? _I've drawn your blood. I've made you pay for a crime you didn't commit. I've spited you_. _I've hated you._

"All I ask is that you do so in the West, where my reign in secure, and you are safe."

Rin's eyes widened even more.

"I know you don't need or want my protection. But this is my only condition. I give my word that I will not disturb you."

Rin couldn't take her eyes off of Sesshomaru. As bewildered as she was by the demon, she was more taken by the idea of her freedom being tangible; the freedom she had only dreamed of. The idea that the freedom to be something beyond this grief-stricken history of hers felt like the only light in the darkness.

"Allow me to escort you there. That is all I will ask. Then I promise to release you from any hold I've had over you. No more indebtedness…to anyone."

* * *

A/N: woah, woah, woah. Sesshomaruuuuuuuu lol :3 Hope you all are enjoying! Have a great rest of the week & let me know what you think ;)


	15. West Lands

A/N: Hey Guys! I'm so happy it's officially my weekend! I hope you all are doing well :) Well here's the next installment, hope you enjoy. Read and let me know what you think in the reviews ;)

* * *

When Rin had heard Lord Sesshomaru's words—his proposition, she could barely absorb what was being said to her. The night before she had driven the Daisuke into this demon's shoulder, she had lashed out against him, holding nothing back. She had told him that he failed her; that she believed it was his fault for abandoning her, and yet he offered her this; a chance at freedom. _I don't understand_. _What does he want?_ Rin wondered if the pain she had inflicted on him had caused this residual guilt, a guilt that drove him to make such an offer. She wondered if he felt indebted to her now. _Does Lord Sesshomaru feel pity for his former human ward?_ _He pities me. He pities this broken human_. But Rin couldn't afford to worry over the reasoning behind Lord Sesshomaru's choices; she could only focus on the closest she had ever been to her own freedom. _I will be my own. I will no longer belong to anyone or indebted to anyone_. The dream seemed too sweet and too close to be real, it had been distant for so long. _Azumi, I am going to be free_.

* * *

After several days of journeying they had finally began to approach the West lands. The travels had been long and Lord Sesshomaru had not said a word since giving his word to Rin. Jaken's voice had undoubtedly been the only one to fill the awkward silence, and both Rin and Lord Sesshomaru had grown tired of his aimless rants and lectures.

"Rin! You need to clean yourself up! You're disgusting!"

Rin's eyebrows knit together. She hadn't given it much thought, but she supposed he was probably right. She had been so focused on her coming freedom that she hadn't cared to halt their travels to bathe or clean up. She still had Sesshomaru's blood on her now filthy kimono. Her braided hair had long been disheveled and had become the home of twigs and leaves; her face smudged with dirt.

"Silence, Jaken."

Jaken eyes widened with the command from his stoic Lord who hadn't said a word for what seemed like days.

"We'll stop here, there's a lake just over there."

Rin looked in the direction of the Lord's lifted hand. She looked back to the Lord Sesshomaru, his back to her.

"Don't worry. By tomorrow we will be there."

Rin's eyebrows relaxed as her eyes remained on the back of the Lord's head. _Ok, we're close._

"Jaken, take Rin to the water. I will set up camp."

Rin looked to Jaken as he shook his head in obedience. Jaken looked to Rin and waved his hand signaling her to make haste.

"Come on, let's get you there before the sun sets!"

Rin hopped off A-Un and began to follow the green imp through the thick forest. All the while, Rin's mind circled around the same thought over and over… _freedom._

* * *

Rin sat in the water, submerged to her shoulders, watching her dark hair float on the surface of the water. The sky's setting sun was reflecting on the glassy surface and Rin felt a sense of peace, but this was a peace that didn't race away from her with a moment's notice. Rin was soon going to have what she wanted. _I'm going to have what I want for myself, Azumi_. _The only thing there is to want._ Rin began to think of what she would do with her newfound freedom; she hadn't ever thought that far. As Rin's mind began to wander her eyes fixed on the water across her chest. She could see the dried blood reanimate itself as the water absorbed it. _His blood._

"Sesshomaru" Rin whispered.

Rin still couldn't understand why the demon Lord was showing her such mercy and unwarranted kindness. Her fearful instincts told her to prepare herself for the worst. _It's a trap._ But Rin didn't want to believe that anymore. She didn't want that fire to come back and consume what little left she had. She had very little, and part of her didn't even care if it was a trap. _I just want to believe I can be free. I just need to believe it's possible…even if it's a lie._

* * *

As Rin dried off, she realized the only kimono she had was the blood stained one she had worn to the lake. _Guess I'll make do._ She took the cleanest part of her hakama and ripped it. Rin then took the large strip of fabric and wrapped it around herself tightly, securing a knot in place. She walked towards the direction of the camp and called out for Jaken. _He can grab me something, anything._

"Jaken?" Rin called.

When no one responded she felt a bit concerned. The sun was setting and it was getting a little cold. Rin looked back towards the blood stained fabric of her kimono. _I don't want to wear that again. I don't want to smell his blood. I don't want to remind him…_ Rin looked back in the direction of where she thought the camp had been set up. She began to slowly walk forward. _I guess I'll have to figure it out_. Rin started walking through the dense forest, but she quickly felt as if she was in unfamiliar territory. _Jaken, where are you? Where the hell did you go?_ Rin was looking around. _Maybe I'll be able to see the campfire_. Night began to fall quickly and Rin decided to backtrack. _Jaken will surely be waiting there for me now. I'll just go back_. As Rin turned around her eyes locked with Sesshomaru's.

"Where are you going?" his low voice asked, his eyes fixed on hers.

Rin's eyes widened in surprise. _He thinks...I'm trying to run again_.

"I was j-just trying to find the camp, I got lost."

Rin's voice shook a little with a shiver; her damp hair was growing increasingly cold against her back with the evening's cool air. Sesshomaru looked at her, his eyebrows knit together. Suddenly he was there, just before her. He lifted his mokomoko and wrapped it around her. Rin could feel the soft caress of it against her chilled skin; she could feel the lingering warmth his body had infused into the fur. Rin's eyes looked up toward his.

"No, it's okay. Your kimono was..."

Rin's mind flashed back to the moment she had planted her katana in his shoulder, tearing his kimono. She gently shook her head, pushing the memory away with remorse. Rin looked back to the Lord.

"This is yours, to keep you warm."

Lord Sesshomaru looked down at her. Her sturdy body was being to rattle with little tremors of cold. Sesshomaru said nothing, and secured his mokomoko around her. He began to step away.

"Why do you…" Rin's shaky voice whispered.

Sesshomaru paused, looking to Rin.

"Why do you show me kindness; mercy? Are you not the demon Lord of the West?"

Rin's eyes looked to Sesshomaru in question. As much as she wanted freedom, she didn't want him to feel guilt for her; she didn't want to be pitied.

"I meant what I said at the pond that day. You don't owe me anything; not kindness…and not _pity_."

"You think I **pity** you?"

Rin's eyes widened.

"You think that is why I do this?"

Lord Sesshomaru looked even more fixated on Rin. Rin looked into his amber eyes and shook her head in a nod of agreement.

"If not guilt or pity, what other reason could there be?"

Sesshomaru stared at Rin for a moment in silence. _I cannot tell you. I will not. I will not bind you to another obligation; another role you did not choose for yourself_.

"We should get back to the camp. You need the warmth of the fire."

* * *

The very next morning they set out for the final destination. Rin was still covered in the Lord's mokomoko; he wouldn't acknowledge her when she tried to return it. Wrapped in a make shift kimono and the mokomoko of the Lord of the West, Rin found herself very anxious. She felt like a caged animal that knew it was about to be set free. She didn't know what to expect, and she couldn't help but feel a little fear that the dream would slip out of her grasp somehow. But they were moving and Rin had no choice but to trust the promise of the demon Lord. _Please. Let this be real._

As the daylight began to fade, Lord Sesshomaru finally stopped walking, they were already far into the West territory. Sesshomaru had spent the last couple days preparing himself for what he must do. _Let her go._ He knew what must be done, but the demon Lord was unsure if the demon within him would let him do so. Sesshomaru turned around and saw the eager-faced Rin atop A-Un. Jaken stood beside A-Un looking perturbed as always, but compliant as ever.

"We're here."

Rin's eyes widened. She couldn't believe the moment had come. The demon Lord was keeping his word. Rin slid off A-Un and looked around. She had no idea where she would go, but everything seemed infinite and limitless. Even though she had nothing to her name she felt like she had more than anyone else in all the lands. Lord Sesshomaru approached Rin, stopping a couple feet in front of her. She looked to him and he looked at her. His hand stretched out to his side in the direction of his servant.

"Jaken, her blade."

Jaken looked to him in surprise and then quickly relented Rin's katana to the Lord. Lord Sesshomaru clutched the blade and then extended it towards Rin. Rin's eyes looked to her Daisuke and then up to Sesshomaru. Her hand reached out and grabbed the blade. As her hand touched it the blade began to radiate. Lord Sesshomaru withdrew his hand quickly and the glow retreated. Rin's eyes stared at the blade in confusion. _What was that?_ Lord Sesshomaru turned his gaze from her.

"You'll need that."

Rin looked back up to the demon Lord.

"Live freely, Rin. Serve no master."

Sesshomaru paused for a moment in silence, his face stoic and solid. Then without another word he began to walk away.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin called out.

Sesshomaru halted for a moment, turning his head just slightly back towards her. Rin bowed her head.

"For whatever reason you've granted me this, thank you."

Sesshomaru turned his head forward, his back to Rin.

"I am not your master. Do not thank me."

Sesshomaru continued to walk away, never looking back. And then a moment later, the demon Lord was gone, like a streak of light. Jaken stood there in shock. _What the hell is going on?_ Jaken looked to Rin and then out in the direction the Lord had disappeared in.

"Rin! You stupid human!"

Rin looked to Jaken in surprise.

"Don't worry Jaken, I'm sure Lord Sesshomaru will wait up for you."

Jaken glared at the woman before him.

"I don't care about that!"

Jaken shook his head in disbelief.

"You really don't get it do you, you foolish child!"

Rin looked to him. She was sure that Jaken was still confused about all that was happening. Rin was sure Jaken was just frustrated that she had caused so much trouble and had disrupted his Lord's life for these past couple weeks.

"Jaken, you don't have to worry about me. I will not be burdening you two anymore. Lord Sesshomaru has freed himself of me. And I am free for myself."

Jaken's mouth scrunched in frustration.

" ** _You_** may be free Rin! But Lord Sesshomaru will never be free!"

Rin's eyebrows knit together, her eyes focused on the irritated toad demon. _What are you talking about now, Jaken?_

"Ai ya! Rin! Lord Sesshomaru can never be free of his attachment to you! You're his mate!"

Rin's eyes widened in shock, her pupils detracted in fear. She stared at the little imp stunned into silence. _What is he saying? Why would he say something like that?_

"Stupid human! No demon can overcome their bond to their mate! They are rendered powerless!"

Rin's breath was caught within her. She tried to take a breath.

"J-jaken, what are you saying?" Rin's voice sounded rattled.

Jaken focused on her. _What does she not understand? This woman is clueless!_ Jaken crossed his arms over his chest with impatience.

"You are Lord Sesshomaru's mate, Rin. And forcing him to leave you will destroy part of his demon body! He will never be able to maintain his power with such a festering wound! No demon ever has!"

"I am not Lord Sesshomaru's mate. I am a human. I was his ward, nothing more."

Jaken shook his head again.

"That's the lie Lord Sesshomaru wanted to believe! But no one but him, and apparently you, believed it. Now look at the price he's paying!"

Rin's thoughts were racing through her mind. What did this mean? Did Lord Sesshomaru actually think this? Did he actually know this?

"Why did he lie?" Rin asked in stunned state.

"Our Lord has spent these past years defending the Taisho name and reign. He couldn't be distracted or compromised! His family depended on his reputation, on his strength."

Rin's face went blank. She didn't know how to feel or how to react to this idea. She didn't know if this meant everything or nothing at all. _This could be wrong, Rin._ _This doesn't change anything. You don't even know Sesshomaru. Why should you care? Why should you worry over this imp's ranting now? You have your freedom. Remember what you want. Remember what you HAVE. Why risk it?_

"If I did believe this, Jaken, wouldn't it just mean he didn't want me; that I was a burden? "

Jaken looked Rin straight in the eyes.

"I cannot answer such questions. Go ask him yourself!"

Rin was taken aback by the imp's response. After everything that she had done, everything that she had said, to go and ask him if she was his mate…to ask him why he didn't want her… _Why do I need to know? What does this change?_

"You have nothing to lose, woman."

Rin stood motionless in silence. Jaken's words were correct, but they scared Rin. Jaken had been so matter of fact about something that had seemed like impossibility for Rin's whole life. Rin had spent over a decade fighting any idea, any inkling of attachment to the Lord, and now she was supposedly his **mate**? _What does that mean?_ Rin looked in the direction that Lord Sesshomaru had left in and then looked back to the belligerent imp in front of her.

"Go, woman!"

Rin began to run. She didn't know why. She didn't know what would happen or what would become of her, but she ran. Something within her had to know; something within her had to face him; something within her had to hear him say it. _Even if he doesn't want me. Even if he never wanted me. I need to hear it for myself. No more lies. No more unanswered questions._ Rin felt a surge rise within her body; she would not stop until she had the answers she had spent so much of her life avoiding and burying under shame; the questions that had pushed her to change herself, to mold herself to others' expectations. _I want my freedom…but I need answers._

* * *

A/N: ohhhhhh ma' gerd. lol :3 Things are about to get interesting ^_^ So something I've stumbled upon that I thought I'd just throw out there. Does anyone want me to write the lemon version/installment to this story. Idk, I'll see what I can do, but I was just wondering if I should even consider it...hmmm. Well, as always, love hearing your thoughts and appreciate the feedback! Thanks! You guys are rad.


	16. Markings

A/N: Hey Everyone! So below is the short/non-lemon version of this chapter ^_^ If you're looking for the full version (lemon) the info to the link where you can read it is in my bio. Just taking a note from other authors and playing it a lil' safe :] Hope you guys like what I came up with! Feel free to read and review here or at the other site! Can't wait to hear the thoughts lol :3 Hope you all have a happy Friday! Alsoooo, if you do choose to read the lemon version, please let me know if you could/couldn't access it (in the reviews here at fanfic). It's a pain in the ass trying to link to another site here, so hopefully you're all able to get to it. Let me know! ;)

p.s. this is still rated M

* * *

Rin had run herself ragged. She had thought she was catching up to Sesshomaru, but his tracks came to an abrupt end and Lord Sesshomaru was nowhere in sight. _Where is he?_ Rin's chest was heaving up and down as she gasped for air. Suddenly, Rin heard a sound in the distance. She looked up to the nearby forest as she saw debris spewing out from the dense woods. Rin's eyes widened. _Sesshomaru?_ Without another thought she began to run towards the trees. She sprinted quickly, feeling leaves and branches slice at her face. _I cannot stop until I have answers._ Rin's feet were raw from the rocky ground beneath her, and her make shift kimono was falling apart. All of a sudden Rin stopped in her tracks. Her eyes were fixed on the creature several feet in front of her. Before her stood a massive, white, wolf-like dog. It was lashing out around itself shredding ancient trees with a single swipe of its vicious claws. Within an instance its eyes were fixed on Rin. She stood completely still, her breath caught within her. Rin stared into the demon's red eyes. _His eyes…_ The dog let out a howling cry and then began to growl, bearing its teeth at Rin. Rin felt a streak of fear pass through her body. She clenched her fists, and dug her feet into the ground. _I will not leave without answers. Face me._

"Am I your mate?" Rin asked loudly.

The growling creature stared at her, its teeth still visible. Rin stared back, her eyes unwilling to look away.

"Why didn't you want me?" Rin yelled.

"Why couldn't a human be enough?"

Rin felt tears well in her eyes. So much buried emotion was surfacing and running wild. She had spent so many years denying these questions; suffocating these feelings that only brought her shame and reprimand. _Answer me!_

"Why did I have to be a lady? Why did I have to be made into someone else; into _something_ else?"

Tears streaked down Rin's face. Rin stepped forward and kept her eyes on the demon in front of her. _I am not afraid_. _I have nothing left to fear._ She stopped just before it, feeling its hot breath spread over her like a wave. She reached out as the demon growled and touched it's face. Her eyes looked upon the violet crescent moon upon the beast's forehead. Rin looked back into the creature's eyes.

"I would have loved you with everything I had…I did love you."

Suddenly the great creature was gone, and Rin's palm was cupping Sesshomaru's face, her fingers touching the magenta stripes of his markings. Sesshomaru stood naked before her, but Rin could only see his eyes fixed on her. Rin's hand drew slightly away, hovering over his cheek, with her eyes still staring into Sesshomaru's. The warmth of his faced lingered on her palm. Sesshomaru's gaze was still fixed on her and unmoving. In this moment Rin felt a streak of regret. She began to feel as if she didn't want to hear the answers to her questions. Seeing Lord Sesshomaru before her like this made her feel naked as well, but not a nakedness of her body, but of her soul. _What will this change? It's too late. This is too painful. Azumi, I failed you._

"I'm sorry." Rin whispered.

Not a moment later, Rin began to turn away to run.

"You were never my burden."

Rin froze, her back facing the Lord.

"I was yours."

Rin squeezed her fists. These words felt abrasive to her.

"You don't have to say that. I know that you never wanted to have a human attachment of any kind. If you didn't want me, that is reason enough."

" **No** , that is not it…"

Rin paused waiting for the demon Lord's answer.

"It is not that I didn't want you, it is that I never wanted a **_mate_**. I couldn't allow it."

 _This is your answer, Rin. Make peace with it._ Rin turned her head over her shoulder slightly.

"Well, you don't have to fight it anymore. I am not yours to want or reject; I am not your mate."

Rin began to take a step forward, but before her foot reached the ground she felt Sesshomaru's clawed hand wrap around her arm.

"You **are** my mate, Rin."

Rin closed her eyes and held back unwanted tears. _I can't do this._

"Rin, you are not indebted to me anymore. You are free to do as you please."

Rin squeezed her eyes tight, she didn't want to say what must be said.

"I cannot be your mate. You do not know me!"

Sesshomaru's grip lessened around Rin's arm. Her words cut him deeply. Even though he had tried to prepare himself for this very outcome, Rin's rejection of him felt like a deadly blow. She didn't want him; _she cannot love someone who abandoned her; who had left her to the wolves for their own selfish gain._

"I am **not** the Rin you left behind, Sesshomaru. That Rin no longer exists."

Suddenly Sesshomaru's hand gripped tighter. He pulled on her arm turning her around. Rin's body turned to face the Lord but Rin cast her gaze away from the demon.

"Sesshomaru, just let me go", Rin whispered.

"Look at me!" Sesshomaru yelled, the dog demon within him still close to the surface.

Rin's eyes widened at the sound of his raised voice, her eyes shot to his.

"You may hate me. You may despise me. You may even forget about me. You are free to do so, and I will endure it. But you cannot believe that I do not want you. You may take me or leave me, Rin. Regardless, I am yours."

Rin looked at him in confusion.

"Take you? Leave you? Why do you even want me, Sesshomaru? What Rin do you even know?"

Sesshomaru stepped towards her, his bare body's presence drawing closer to Rin.

"Stop!"

Rin felt her heart clench. Sesshomaru halted, his amber eyes fixed on hers.

"I cannot give you what you want. You cannot even see me…you haven't seen the person I've become."

Sesshomaru remained unmoved, his face unchanging. Rin brought a hand to the demon Lord's mokomoko, which rested around her shoulders. Rin clutched it and then she lowered it from herself. Sesshomaru's body tensed thinking Rin was returning his regalia, rejecting even this small part of him. Rin dropped it to the ground. _What is…she doing?_

"See me, Lord Sesshomaru."

Rin reached at the tied piece of fabric wrapped around her body and began to undo the knot that held it in place. _Rin, he needs to see what you've become…then he will understand that you are not the Rin he left behind; the Rin he wants._

"I am not a human..."

Rin's eyes looked to her hands as they began unravel the tattered cloth around her body.

"I am not a lady…"

Sesshomaru's eyes widened with Rin's words and movements.

Rin's hands released the clenched fabric, and the cloth pooled around her feet. Her eyes looked back to Sesshomaru.

"I am Rin. I am nothing more, and nothing less. See me as I am."

Sesshomaru's wide eyes stared at Rin in her entirety. He had seen her bare before that night in the forest, but the Rin before him was completely different. She stood in front of him, unashamedly herself and Sesshomaru felt magnetically drawn to her; he felt connected to her very spirit; he felt her strength exuding from her human soul. The demon Lord's eyes washed over her body, taking in every curve and line. Sesshomaru saw the black stripes across bouts of her figure. His eyes fixated on them.

"They are my markings. They are my reminder that I am my own; from my own clan."

Sesshomaru reached his hand out towards her. Rin drew back, and Sesshomaru froze his movement. Rin looked at him carefully.

"May I, Rin?"

Rin's eyes widened. Sesshomaru's voice was so soft and steady. Rin hadn't been prepared for this. She didn't think he'd reach for her. She thought her markings would repulse him or confuse him. Rin looked to the ground in thought. _He wants to touch me?_ Rin looked back up to Sesshomaru, this time her eyes traced up his uncovered body. He stood there unflinching as she looked at all of him. His white hair was flowing around his exposed body like a current of light. Rin felt her heart flicker within her. _Rin! Focus. Breathe._ Rin's eyes finally reached Sesshomaru's and his gaze suddenly made her breath tight within her chest. _The way he is looking at me._ Without another thought Rin nodded her head. Sesshomaru's clawed hand reached forward, bringing his fingers to the black tattoos around her torso. He traced the length of one from the side of her ribcage to the corner of her hip. Rin felt like lightning was passing through her body. Rin instinctually reached out, bringing her hand back to his cheek, her palm once again against his magenta stripes. Sesshomaru's eyes glowed as he gazed at Rin fervently.

"Rin. I want only you…. as you are…nothing more and nothing less. This Rin is my mate..."

Rin felt her heart stop within her. Those words were sharper than any blade. Sesshomaru's gaze felt like it pierced through her and found her very spirit. Her body felt drawn to him, and the warmth he radiated. Without thinking, Rin leaned herself into Sesshomaru, her body pressing against his. The demon Lord's body firmed as she made contact with him. Rin could smell his scent; feel his warm touch. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around her waist drawing her into him.

"My equal."

Rin looked up into his eyes. _His equal?_ Rin had spent so much of her life trying to be different things to different masters, but an 'equal' was never one of them. Rin felt overcome by Sesshomaru's embrace of both her body and soul. _You see me as your equal, Sesshomaru?_ And even though Rin was overwhelmed by this declaration, she simultaneously felt like she was being seen for the first time, as she was. She felt so steady in his arms. She felt so at peace in the midst of her tumultuous history. Rin had never been allowed to just let go. And as she found herself in the embrace of this demon Lord, she felt safe enough to do so. As Rin looked into Lord Sesshomaru's unwavering eyes, she suddenly realized who she was to Sesshomaru. _I am…_

"Your mate."

Sesshomaru's eyes locked with Rin's, his eyes were looking so deeply into hers; Rin's statement had gripped Sesshomaru's mind and body.

"Yes, Rin. You are."

Just hearing Rin say she was his mate made Sesshomaru's heart burn for this human. Rin brought her other hand to hold Sesshomaru's face. Her eyes looked back to the markings along his face and then traced down his neck and then continued down his arms. She looked at the magenta-red stripes that covered his arms, the arms that were wrapped around her body. Then Rin looked back up to him. Sesshomaru's gaze hadn't left her at all as she had carefully inspected his demon markings.

"Are my markings to your liking?"

Sesshomaru grinned at Rin and Rin felt shivers pass through her. His playful gaze was something she hadn't seen before, and the sight of it made her feel something she didn't even know existed within her. Sesshomaru felt the chill pass through her and he clenched her tighter to his body.

"Are you cold, Rin?"

Rin dropped her hands from his face and wove her arms underneath his, drawing her forehead to his chest and resting it there. It felt strange to cling to someone else. She had spent so much time training to be strong, to only need herself. But Rin didn't want him to let go of him. Suddenly Rin's thoughts were interrupted; she could only hear the sound of the Lord's heartbeat against her cheek. Sesshomaru's eyes looked down on the woman before him, holding him tightly.

"Rin, let's get you to a fire. Your body is exposed and you are cold."

Rin squeezed his body tighter.

"No."

Sesshomaru's eyes slightly widened and then a grin reemerged across his face. Rin brought her face away from his chest and she looked up to him. _That grin._

"Rin, you are shiveri—"

Suddenly, Rin's lips halted Sesshomaru's words. The demon Lord's eyes widened and then flushed with red for a moment, his markings beginning to glow. His eyes focused on Rin as she pressed her soft lips against his, her eyes tightly shut. Sesshomaru could feel a heat within him rising, something he had never experienced. Rin's touch ignited a fire within him that felt all consuming. When Rin finally relented and drew her face away, Sesshomaru felt enslaved to the human before him. Rin looked at the Lord before her, she felt emboldened and yet exposed. **_You_** _kissed him. You're holding onto him and his naked body, Rin! What is going on?!_ Suddenly Sesshomaru began to press into Rin pushing her backwards. Rin's back hit against a tree and she felt Sesshomaru pin her to it, his strong presence pressing into her. Rin's mind uncontrollably flashed back to the last time she had felt this sensation; her mind saw Hara.

"No!"

Sesshomaru instantly withdrew his pressure on her. His amber eyes fixed on Rin.

"I'm sorry", Sesshomaru said with a look of shock in his eyes.

Sesshomaru began to withdraw his body, but Rin clenched his arm with her hand.

"No, don't…just not like this."

Rin's eyes looked away from Sesshomaru. She felt the residual slime of her past covering her. She felt like every part of her being had been permanently tainted by that monster. _I'll never escape that man._ Sesshomaru's eyes carefully observed Rin's grief stricken face.

"I am yours, Rin…I am powerless to you."

Rin's widened eyes looked up to the demon Lord before her. His eyes were so genuine and steady. She knew he was a powerful and feared demon Lord, yet she felt no fear facing him. _I want you._ Rin leaned into Sesshomaru and kissed him once more. When Rin drew away for a breath she held onto Sesshomaru's body and turned him around, bringing Sesshomaru's back to the tree. _I want you…on my own terms._ Rin put her hands on his chest and pushed him, pinning Sesshomaru against the tree. _I am not weak._ Sesshomaru's eyes widened in surprise. Rin leaned in and brought her mouth to the Lord's ear.

"I am not as fragile as you think."

Sesshomaru's eyes flashed red again, and his markings burned even brighter. Sesshomaru's arms wrapped around Rin's hips and he forcefully pulled her against him. Rin could feel every part of his body pressing against hers. The demon Lord brought a hand to the small of her back and then traced it down the curve of her bottom. Sesshomaru's touch felt like an entrancing spell over Rin's body. Rin instinctually leaned in and slid her tongue up the length of his neck, ending at his jaw line. She felt this carnal energy drawing her toward him, driving her every move. Sesshomaru's red eyes widened, his clawed hand clenched around her.

"I want **you** , Sesshomaru." Rin whispered in the demon Lord's ear.


	17. The Exchange

A/N: Finally got to write and post a new chapter! This past xmas/new year's was insane! It was hard to find time to write with family visiting and such :/ Hope you all had a great end of the year and start of 2016! Here's a longer chapter for you and all your patience ;) For those of you who didn't read the lemon version of the previous chapter, I've updated the chapter to include a little more info so you're not lost at the start of this one. As always I love to hear your thoughts!

* * *

Rin awoke and found herself alone and wrapped in Sesshomaru's mokomoko. She sat up quickly and looked around herself, realizing she was naked and alone in the middle of the forest.

"Rin, I'm here."

Sesshomaru's low voiced soothed Rin's sudden anxiety. She relaxed her body back down to the forest floor and looked in the direction of the Lord's voice. There he was standing before her, completely unclothed. Rin blushed and looked away.

"Now, you're shy?"

Rin blushed even more, she was still processing all that had happened in just one night; so much had suddenly changed. Rin had gone from focusing only on being free—focusing on being alone, to suddenly claiming a feared demon Lord as her mate. _What the fuck…_

"My mate is not shy" Sesshomaru stated firmly.

Rin's eyes darted to his. Sesshomaru had a wide grin across his face. _Oh, so you wanna play?_ Rin stood up, holding his mokomoko around her body. She dropped her gaze low and began to dawn her lady-like façade. She gently batted her eyes at the Lord and walked delicately over to him. Every so often Rin would look up for a moment and catch Sesshomaru's enamored gaze on her; she could tell he had no idea what she was doing, and was bewildered by her sudden personality change. She gracefully walked over to him and stopped just a few feet before the Lord. She bowed to him elegantly and then stood upright and looked him straight in the eyes. Rin dropped the mokomoko and stood exposed in front of the demon Lord.

" _Your_ mate is not satisfied."

* * *

"I suppose we should find some clothes before we return to Jaken", Rin said playfully.

Sesshomaru looked to her.

"I've already fetched them for you."

Rin looked at the Lord in surprise.

"When?"

Sesshomaru reached to his side and lifted a fresh kimono and placed it beside her.

"While you slept. I didn't want to wake you."

Rin looked at the Lord.

"Why didn't you give this to me when I woke up?"

Sesshomaru paused and looked at Rin.

"Did you need it then?"

Rin smiled and reached for the white and red kimono, looking at it carefully. _This is a man's kimono_.

"I thought that is what you'd want."

Rin looked at the kimono in silence.

"It bears the Taisho colors."

Rin clutched the kimono in her hands. She remembered the last kimono Sesshomaru had given her, and how precious it had been to her, that tattered kimono had been a reminder of what she had had. However, this kimono before her was something completely different; it was a promise of what was. She looked up at Sesshomaru and then threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his body unashamedly embracing him.

"You thought right, Sesshomaru. I'll wear this proudly."

* * *

As Sesshomaru and Rin journeyed back to Jaken, Sesshomaru held Rin's hand firmly.

"I meant what I said, Rin. I will not allow anything to take you away from me again."

Rin nodded her head, she wasn't sure why he seemed to be on the defense.

"Sesshomaru…I will never make you leave me again."

Sesshomaru squeezed her hand tightly, he felt like he couldn't let go of her. He had spent so many years avoiding her, creating distance between them that now he felt sick if he was not right next to her. Lord Sesshomaru couldn't fathom how he had survived so long without Rin by his side. _I cannot afford to lose you._

"Look! It's Jaken!"

Rin pointed to the little imp in the distance and Sesshomaru's eyes focused on his servant.

"Get on my back, Rin."

Sesshomaru's hand pulled her over to him and a moment later she was on his back and they were floating over the ground, gliding towards his loyal servant. Within no time at all they were before Jaken, and the imp's eyes were wide with shock at their arrival.

"Ahh! Milord!"

Jaken looked at Rin on Sesshomaru's back and back to his Lord.

"I see everything has been taken care of, Milord?"

Sesshomaru nodded his head.

"We shall return to my place in the West. Now is the time for peace."

Jaken shook his head in eager agreement and fought a smile of satisfaction from breaking across his face. Jaken prided himself in the fact that he had helped Lord Sesshomaru finally make his way back to his rightful throne in the West. _Finally! I did it! I served Milord well!_

"We shall take our place there as Lord and Lady of the West."

Rin's eyes widened at the statement. Jaken's eyes widened as well. It all seemed so surreal.

"Lady of the West?" Rin repeated in mild disbelief.

Sesshomaru turned the side of his face towards Rin, who was still on his back.

"Are you not the Lady of the West now?"

Rin's eyes widened once more. _I knew I was his mate, but am I his…_ Rin turned her face in towards his head, and brought her mouth close to Sesshomaru's ear and spoke in a hushed tone, as to keep her question a secret.

"Am I to be your wife?"

Sesshomaru's face remained unchanged.

"Are you not my mate?" he said aloud.

Rin held back a small smile. Sesshomaru's matter of fact tone about something such as this made her want to laugh. _Was that a proposal?_ It hadn't been very long ago that she wanted nothing to do with him, and now she was his mate, his wife. Being someone's wife had never appealed to Rin before. All that it represented to her was a life of submission and subjugation, but to Rin this didn't feel like that at all. Sesshomaru didn't treat Rin as an object or trophy, he took her as she was… _he respects me._ Rin stared at the side of Sesshomaru's face looking at him closely. She had chosen him for herself. He let her choose, and she chose him. _Do I…?_ Sesshomaru watched from the corner of his eye as Rin stared at him in silence.

"Are you not, Rin?"

Sesshomaru was subduing his uneasiness from her prolonged silence. Even though he had lain with her and marked her, he still feared losing Rin to something or someone else. Never in his life had Sesshomaru allowed himself to fear anything. Lord Sesshomaru wanted an answer; he wanted Rin. Rin brought her face to the sweeping white hair beside the demon Lord's face. She allowed herself to say the words to him with all their power.

"I am", she whispered to him.

* * *

[3 Days Later]

"We're approaching the Taisho castle, Milord!"

Jaken was more than ready to revel in his newfound sense of accomplishment. And it seemed that a time of rest was long overdue. Rin had decided to walk the last day of their traveling even though Sesshomaru had insisted he carry her.

[FLASHBACK]

"Rin, get on my back."

"No, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed on her.

"I am a demon, I am not weakened by carrying you."

Rin shook her head and stood unmoved.

"No. I don't want to."

Sesshomaru's eyes slightly widened in response to her statement.

"You don't want to?"

Rin looked at the expression on Sesshomaru's face. She hadn't meant to hurt him. That wasn't her intention at all.

"No! I mean I can't."

Lord Sesshomaru's eyes searched Rin's face for some indication of what she meant. Rin was still so mysterious to him. He knew she wasn't like any other human or demon he knew, but Lord Sesshomaru struggled to figure her out. Rin looked at him in anxious distress. _Sesshomaru, don't make me say this!_

"Sesshomaru…"

The Lord's eyes fixed on hers, Rin's tone sounded uncomfortable.

"Being so close to you is difficult…"

Sesshomaru's eyebrows knit together as he tried to decipher the meaning behind Rin's cryptic words. _Really? I have to say this out loud._

"Sesshomaru!"

Sesshomaru's eyes widened in surprise at the sound of Rin's raised voice.

"It's too much to be on you, and not be able to be _with_ you! Do you not get that?!"

Rin put her hands over her face in embarrassment. Besides letting Rin ride on his back, Lord Sesshomaru hadn't even tried to touch Rin since they had met up with Jaken. Even though Sesshomaru and Rin had lain together, she felt terribly uncomfortable saying such things to him. This was all new territory. She had never had to say anything like this before aloud. She had never had to face a person she was so attracted and drawn to. _God! I sound so weak and distracted!_ Suddenly Sesshomaru's arms were wrapped around Rin's hips, and he had pulled her flush against his body.

"Make no mistake, Rin. I don't carry you because I think you're incapable. I've carried you for my own selfish reasons."

Rin looked up at him in mild confusion.

"If others' presence prevents me from bedding you, I will make do with feeling your body wrapped around mine as I hold you close."

Rin felt heat cover her cheeks. His words comforted her, but they also ignited that fire within her again. _Not now, Rin. Not yet. Focus. Breathe. Get a hold of yourself._

"But it was selfish of me, Rin. You can walk if that's what you want…"

Rin looked down at the ground and took a deep breath trying to convince herself not to jump on the demon before her right there and now.

"But once we reach our destination, Rin…I will take what is mine."

Rin felt chills travel up her spine. She bit her lip. _Focus, Rin! Breathe!_ Rin drew away from the Lord. She turned her back to Sesshomaru beginning to walk away. _You've got this._ She paused for a moment, without looking back.

"I consider that a promise."

[FLASHBACK ENDS]

Rin stared in stillness as her eyes took in the Taisho castle. It was like nothing she had ever seen. It was so large, and so unusual in it's design—it looked nothing like any house or village home she had ever seen. She wondered how something this massive and elaborate could go unseen, for she had never heard of anyone seeing this impressive estate. Jaken looked at the stunned Rin and laughed.

"Never seen a demon Lord's palace, eh?"

Jaken chuckled.

"Not many have, given it's usually concealed by a demonic force field."

Sesshomaru clasped Rin's hand.

"This is yours now."

Rin looked to Sesshomaru and back to the castle in front of her. Rin was wondering how she had ended up here. She was beginning to believe that being a demon's mate was something fated beyond human understanding because she couldn't rationally explain how she felt. Rin who had been without a sense of belonging, home or self, suddenly had all three. She was overwhelmed, and slightly nervous. Every good thing in her life had been followed by drastic tragedy. Happiness and comfort hadn't suited her well, but she so desperately wanted to lay down her arms and hold onto that elusive peace she had chased for so long. Sesshomaru's gaze looked forward as he began to walk, entering the Taisho grounds and bringing Rin with him.

"Stay close to me."

Sesshomaru's gaze remained unmoved, and his hand firmly holding Rin's. They walked through a marble gateway that towered over them and as Rin's eyes absorbed the sheer scale of this foreign architecture. Within the blink of an eye servants were before them, bowing. Suddenly a woman's voice emerged from the silence.

"My son, you have finally returned."

Rin's eyes widened as she watched a Lady emerge from the mansion in front of them. The distinguished Lady approached Sesshomaru and stopped in front of him.

"Mother."

Rin was totally unprepared to stand before the Lady Taisho. _Why didn't Sesshomaru warn me? What if she rejects me, her son's human mate?_ Rin was digging deep, trying to calm her demeanor and present herself confidently. _Just breathe, Rin. You have nothing left to prove._ Rin watched as the Lady's eyes looked to Sesshomaru's hand intertwined with Rin's. Lady Taisho looked back to Sesshomaru. Rin kept her eyes on the Lady.

"I am pleased you have returned…"

Rin fought everything within her that wanted to run away. Her instinct was to take avoid the inevitable blow that would come. _I am human. Even Sesshomaru had a hard time accepting me as his mate. Lady Taisho will need time…a long time._ Rin clenched her teeth. As much as she wanted to brace herself for the impending rejection, she wouldn't let herself falter. Lady Taisho's eyes locked with Rin's, and Rin kept her gaze firm. Lady Taisho's eyes flashed back to Sesshomaru.

"I like this woman."

Lady Taisho's hand reached out and grabbed Rin's hand from Sesshomaru's. The Lady instantly pulled Rin away from Sesshomaru's side and began to walk them back towards the mansion.

"We have much to discuss, my Lady."

Rin's eyes were wide in confused surprise. Her hand was limp in the Lady's hand. Before Rin could look back to Sesshomaru they were entering the decadent quarters.

"What shall I call you?"

Rin's eyes looked back to the Lady. Rin looked at the demonness before her. Lady Taisho's eyes looked like they were waiting.

"Rin."

Lady Taisho smiled as she began to move about the room.

"Ah, Lady Rin."

Rin's eyebrows knit together.

"You needn't call me that. Rin is fine"

Lady Taisho paused her movement and looked to Rin.

"I can see why my son chose you."

Rin's eyes slightly widened. She didn't know if she was being inspected or interrogated. She felt like she was on display, and the feeling made Rin uneasy. It felt like her time in the Fugashi House.

"And why is that?" Rin asked.

The Lady grinned at Rin.

"You have just as much will as he does."

Lady Taisho walked towards Rin and signaled for her to sit with her. They sat down across from each other and the Lady fixed her eyes on Rin.

"I like you, Rin."

Rin was caught off guard by the forward comment. She didn't expect it or anything like that at all.

"I was waiting for you to come along; waiting for you to do the impossible."

Rin looked at the Lady, searching her eyes. _What does she mean by that?_

"I'm sorry, Lady Taisho. I am flattered that you seem to like me, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

Lady Taisho reached a hand forward and touched Rin's hand once more.

"You are his mate, Rin?"

Rin looked to the Lady's hand and then back to her eyes. Rin silently nodded her head in hesitant agreement.

"As I thought…Rin, do you understand what it is for a great demon Lord such as Sesshomaru to take a mate?"

Rin's eyebrows knitted together, her expression serious.

"I know that I am human. I know I make him susceptible because of this, I am a liability."

Lady Taisho clutched Rin's hand.

"No, Rin. It is not that simple."

Rin was confused. The gravity of Lady Taisho's voice made a tingle of dread trickle down Rin's spine. _What don't I know? What's going on?_

"Rin, when Sesshomaru claimed _you_ , he in a way, levied upon his demonic title and power."

Rin looked even more confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Rin, when a demon takes a mate, there is a natural passing of power. And when a demon mates to another demon, there is an exchange of demonic power, a mutual give and take. Even with a mutual flow of energy, the stronger demon inevitably weakens with this exchange, and is ultimately compromised from their original state. Sesshomaru has only been able to acquire and maintain the amount of control and power he has by rejecting any claim to a mate. In this way, he has been able to defend the Taisho name without any formidable challenge. However, what you must know is that when a demon mates to a human, the flow of shared energy is greatly altered; there is no mutual exchange of demonic power…the demon's power is slowly depleted."

Rin's eyes were wide. Her mind was racing and her heartbeat had quickened. _What does this mean? Why didn't Sesshomaru tell me this?_

"Because Sesshomaru has chosen you, he _will_ be compromised. Without a doubt, Sesshomaru will be weakened, and he will lose his power…and given Sesshomaru's reputation, other demons will certainly come and prey on the weakened Lord. Sesshomaru will be a sitting target."

Rin's breath was caught within her chest. She felt like someone had punched her in the stomach, and the sensation of suffocation consumed her. She felt that tingling dread spread through body. Lady Taisho gripped Rin's hand firmly.

"Will you still want Sesshomaru as your mate when he is no longer the Lord of the West? No longer powerful? No longer immortal or impervious?"

Rin's heart stopped. So much fear was welling within her. She didn't want to be the demise of Sesshomaru, the only thing she wanted. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to lose him. _I can't lose Sesshomaru. I can't lose anymore. I can't let this happen to him._

"I will not let Sesshomaru be compromised by me. I will die before seeing him hurt!"

"But he will be, Rin. And you will be shamed by his loss of power, won't you?"

"Shamed? I have no care or need for any title or reputation!" Rin yelled.

Lady Taisho smiled at the emotionally shaken Rin.

"You are the one I have waited for all these years…"

Rin's teary eyes looked to the Lady. _How could this be so?_

"But Jaken told me that not being with Sesshomaru would weaken him…I thought he needed me…but I am only hurting him."

"Rin, even compromised, Sesshomaru needs you. He may have immense power, but without a mate, Sesshomaru would eventually be destroyed by his own doing. Denying your mate is like cutting out a piece of your own heart, a piece of a vital organ. No demon is meant to hold singular power forever; there is a natural give and take in all things. Sesshomaru knows that now, he understands. And he has found something worth sacrificing his power and immortality for."

A tear crawled down Rin's face. _Is it my fate to be forever tortured? Will all glimmers of happiness be made to dust before me?_ She shook her head.

"I cannot be his undoing. I will not."

Lady Taisho wiped the tear away with her hand.

"Rin, Sesshomaru has chosen you. And you chose him. He has made the decision that the cost is worth the reward, and I am proud of him for that…you cannot make this decision for him. You can only honor it."

* * *

As Lady Taisho ushered Rin into the grand dining room Rin's eyes saw Sesshomaru. His gaze was fixed on her, watching her closely. Rin averted her eyes to the ground; the old habit now served another purpose. Just seeing Sesshomaru sent sharp pain cascading through Rin's body. It was as if she had to stare at the very thing she loved the most and watch it slowly slip from her grasp. _I can't do this…I can't endure this. I can't lose this too._ They all sat down around a long table and Rin felt the Lord's eyes heavy on her. It took everything in her to not run away or break down in tears. She didn't want to hear his voice or see his face. In all her years of training, not once did Rin have to bear such a weight of impending loss. Rin couldn't even bring herself to look up to Sesshomaru once, or try to join the table's conversation. She sat there politely, staring at her food and trying to maintain control over herself.

When the dinner ended, Rin quietly excused herself and began to exit the room. She had no idea where she was going, but she just needed to get out of there, she felt like the walls had been closing in on her and the air harder to breathe. Lady Taisho's words were ringing in Rin's ears, deafening her. ' _The cost is worth the reward…you can only honor it'. Am I supposed to watch Sesshomaru die? Am I supposed to endure losing everything it my life? I can't do this. I can't lose anymore!_ Without a thought Rin began to run, her feet trying to carry her away from this inescapable fate. Eventually she found herself outside on a balcony, the cold air surrounding her. Her breath was ragged, Rin could barely breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut and brought her hands to her stomach trying to hold herself as her chest heaved up and down for oxygen. Rin fought the tears that were screaming to come out. _I just found him… I just found this. I can't lose him. I will have nothing left._ The grief was overriding Rin's body, and she could feel herself submitting to the overwhelming power of fear consuming her. Suddenly Rin's arm was jerked and a second later she felt herself floating. When she opened her eyes Sesshomaru was setting her on a bed. His hands never leaving her body.

"Rin. What's wrong? Tell me."

Rin's eyes were filled with tears. She felt so utterly weak and vulnerable. She felt a victim to her horrible fate once more. And the helplessness made her infuriated. And as Rin stared at Sesshomaru she suddenly felt full of this fire. Her hurt was fueling that flame that once burned in her. _I can't believe I thought I could find peace. It will never happen!_

"Rin, tell me."

Sesshomaru's voice was stern and his eyes were fixed on Rin's. He wanted answers. Now. _How could you not tell me Sesshomaru?_

"I can't…do this."

Rin broke eye contact, and turned her head away from the Lord. Sesshomaru was kneeled beside the bed looking down at Rin.

"I can't be your mate, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru's eyebrows knit together, his gaze burned on Rin.

"Rin, we discussed this. I want you and only yo—"

"Well, I don't want you!"

Rin's words burned her. It hurt her to say such things, but Rin couldn't endure the alternative. She needed to amputate the limb that was going to kill her; she needed to cut Sesshomaru out before he destroyed himself. A flash of white shot across her and suddenly Sesshomaru was straddling Rin's body, on all fours. His clawed hands clenched the bed to the sides of Rin's head.

"You don't mean that." Sesshomaru said firmly, his tone low and firm.

Rin refused to look back at him, she kept her face turned to the side, watching one of his clawed hands grip the bedding in frustration.

"Look at me, Rin."

Rin kept her eyes averted.

"Look at me!" Sesshomaru's voice was raised.

Rin clenched her teeth; his voice singed her soul. _I can't look at you..._ Sesshomaru brought a hand to Rin's chin and pressed it back to center, forcing her to face him. Rin's eyes remained averted.

"Why will you not look at me, Rin? Are you not my mate?"

Sesshomaru's voice sounded undone and burning with anger. Rin's eyes shot up to his.

"If you had told me what being your mate meant, I wouldn't have ever accepted."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened in shock, his breath caught within him.

"You lied to me, Sesshomaru…"

Rin turned her head away again.

"You bound me to another life of loss and loneliness. You let me choose this."

Rin's eyes closed tightly and tears streamed down her face.

"You said you would not allow anything to take me away from you…yet you would willingly leave me all alone…you should have told me."

"Rin. I will not leave you."

Rin looked back to the Lord, her faced streaked with tears.

"I will be the cause of your destruction. I will not be forced to lose another person! What kind of life is that? I didn't know before, and now that I do, I will not let you—"

Sesshomaru slammed a fist into the bed beside Rin's head.

"That is not for you to choose!" he yelled. Rin had never heard his voice like this.

"I will not leave you, Rin. I am here now. And if I die for you, I will die happily."

Rin couldn't hold back the tears.

"I can't lose anymore…I can't you, Sesshomaru."

Rin felt a weeping sob slip through her lips. Suddenly Sesshomaru's mouth was on hers. She opened her eyes and saw his amber eyes looking into her. His eyes were full of tears, full of the hidden emotion he never displayed-full of years of hurt, pain and longing. He closed his eyes and kissed Rin passionately. When Sesshomaru finally drew his mouth away from Rin, a couple of tears had crept down his face. He brought his forehead to Rin's.

"You are mine, Rin. And I am yours. Nothing changes that. Nothing."

Rin closed her eyes while tears continued to stream down her face.

* * *

A/N: Baaaah! :'-( Right?! As always, I swear I am not making you hurt in vain, there is a point to this all. I hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think in the reviews! Thanks for continuing to R&R, you guys are the best!

Cheers,

Frida


	18. Tainted

**A/N: Here's the next installment! A big thank you for continuing to read and review. And to those that have left "critical" reviews, just wanna say that I do try to keep your comments in mind and consider if I can improve the story in any way. However, I will also say, if you don't like the story or its direction, please don't torture yourself reading it! lol**

 **Hope everyone's January is treating them well! Without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

"Lord Sesshomaru, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised by your statement."

The demon Lord's eyes fixed on the council member addressing him.

"Do not confuse my words, my Lord. I am pleased that you are declaring a period of peace for the Western kingdom…however…"

The councilman looked to the other members, suggesting he was not alone in his thinking. He continued on, his voice quiet and a bit fearful.

"…A 'time of peace' will be difficult for the people to trust given the rumors of your actions quickly spreading through the lands _._ Of course we know the rumors to be lies, but they will prove difficult to handle..."

The council members eyes dropped low as he said the words no demon at the table wanted to say. He was sure the price of his statement would cost him his seat or his head. Sesshomaru's eyes remained fixed on the councilman, his gazed expressionless and his face unmoved as to be expected. Finding his mate had changed Sesshomaru, but he would not allow his council to see it the severity of the changes within him; he knew the whispers of his compromised future were already quickly spreading. And the demon Lord knew that he could not depend on his subjects to be loyal. Loyalty was a quality few had in the realm of power and politics. Finally the tense silence was broken.

"And what rumors are these? Tell me."

Lord Sesshomaru's voice was firm and held the same command it always had with his subjects. The council member looked to his peers, hoping someone else would be willing to be the bearer of bad news. The eyes of everyone sitting around the table fell and silence consumed the room. Sesshomaru's eyes were still fixed on the singular councilman.

"I am waiting, councilman" Sesshomaru's tone was impatient.

The councilman's eyes dropped as he prepared himself for the worst.

"P-peace will be hard to welcome given the _rumor_ that you murdered multiple demon and human households, performing unsanctioned executions of whole bloodlines…"

The councilman's voice trailed off, his body tensing as he prepared for his own execution.

"B-but these are only rumors, my Lord!" he added.

After a long bout of unexpected silence, the councilman finally looked up to the Lord to find him gazing out a window. The councilman was confused. He was sure that the messenger of such news was going to be killed, that the news of these rumors would be seen as an act of treason. However, the demon Lord seemed unfazed by the rumors of murder and discord in his kingdom. Sesshomaru's gaze was fixed on the soft light streaming through the only window in the room. When he had called for this meeting with his council members, he knew there would be objections to his intention…but he didn't care. He had Rin now, and that was all he could or wanted to focus on. So much time, so many years had been spent claiming and maintaining the Taisho name and kingdom. Too much time had been spent. Too much time had been missed. _I won't lose her_. Sesshomaru would declare a period of peace, a time of resignation from his expeditions, and he would stay with Rin and protect her and give her everything he could. No one was going to convince him otherwise. However, the words of his councilman reminded the demon Lord that no matter how much time he had with Rin, it would never make up for the time he hadn't been there…

 **[FLASHBACK]**

"Shut your fucking mouth, Sato."

The master of the Fugashi house stood on his knees, his hands clasped together begging for mercy as the dog demon Lord stood before him, soaked in blood, his claws dripping with venomous liquid. Master Fugashi had been spouting cries for mercy in hopes the Lord would spare him.

"B-but my Lord! W-what have I d-done to deserve your p-punishment?" the glorified war hero now whimpering in fear, scrambling to keep his life for a few more moments.

Sesshomaru's eyes were red with fury; his black pupils retracted and fixed on the pathetic demon before him. Sesshomaru brought his the tips of his clawed hand to the demon's throat. His eyes narrowed on Sato's.

"What have you done?" Sesshomaru hissed.

Sato Fugashi's eyes scanned over the demon Lord's face in horror, seeing the smears of blood across the Lord's face and hair. He had never seen the Lord of West so bloodied and trigger-happy. Sesshomaru folded his fingers into his hand, leaving only the claw of his index finger at the demon's throat. Venom dripped from Sesshomaru's claw, burning the demon's skin like acid.

"You failed me. You failed **her** …and now you will pay."

Master Fugashi's eyes widened in confusion.

"Failed you? Failed her? What do you mean? Please spare me, my Lord!" Master Fugashi's voiced was panicked as he tried to figure out a way to calm the raging demon before him.

Sesshomaru exhaled loudly. He had decimated the whole Fugashi and Hara household without a single word being said and he didn't care for this dialogue between him and his last victim. Before this exchange, Sesshomaru's mind had been muted. His senses completely enveloped in the blood lust that his demon instincts were consumed with. All Sesshomaru had seen was the red mist that filled the air as he tore his victims into pieces. He didn't bear any sword or weapon; he didn't need to. He wanted to feel their lives ending with his bare hands. He wanted to feel his pain shared.

"If I must tell you how you failed her…your failure is greater than you can fathom."

" ** _Her_**? L-lady Rin? I-is that who I've failed?" The belittled master pleaded.

Sesshomaru remained unmoved.

"I-I don't understand. I gave you a lady!"

Lord Sesshomaru's eyes flared with fire, without notice his treacherous claws pierced into the demon's throat, burying them in.

"You were supposed to protect her!" Sesshomaru's voice roared loudly, its pain echoing through the household.

Master Fugashi's eyes were unnaturally wide and frozen open, fixed on the Lord as blood gurgled around the dog demon's penetrating fingers. Sesshomaru withdrew his clawed hand and watched the demon collapse on the floor and choke on his own blood. Stumbling backwards the dog demon backed against a wall and slid down to the floor. His eyes fixed on his own hands, held out before him and covered in countless victims' blood.

" ** _You_** were supposed to protect her…" his low voice was riddled with agonizing pain.

Sesshomaru bore his venomous claws once more and began to thrash at his own arms and chest, letting out a scream of excruciating pain and anger. Finally he stopped, his own blood flowing down his body, the poison only stinging him slightly. His head dropped low, and his eyes closed.

"I was supposed to protect her…I was supposed to protect to her."

 **[FLASHBACK ENDS]**

Sesshomaru's eyes focused back on the light cascading in through the window, being brought back from his thoughts and memories. He looked back to his council members and then settled his gaze on the singular councilman that addressed him in fear.

"They are not rumors."

Suddenly the eyes of all those sitting at the table shot up in surprise. The only person who seemed completely unbothered by the statement was his mother, sitting in the corner of the room, observing the council meeting.

"I will not explain the reasons for my actions, but I will say that the action was necessary. I do not regret my decision and I will face the consequences when they come…"

The council members' eyes were fixed on the demon Lord in utter shock and confusion. This person and these words made no sense to them.

"This will be a time of peace for me and my house. And regardless of what actions I took, I will expect that this peace will be honored and protected."

Sesshomaru's eyes scanned over the room as he watched his subjects nod their heads in confused and fearful agreement. And without another word, the Lord of the West stood from his seat and began to exit the room, Sesshomaru's mother following behind him.

* * *

As they rode back to the Western estate in their carriage, Sesshomaru could feel his mother's heavy gaze bearing down on him.

"What is it, mother?" his low voice ringing with mild irritation.

Lady Taisho stared at her son, the great and feared demon Lord.

"What I saw back there…I must ask…"

Sesshomaru kept his gaze out the window and away from his mother.

"I know the council members are confused and distrusting, mother. They will adjust with time and I will manage this—"

"I'm not speaking of the meeting. I'm speaking of your memory."

Sesshomaru's eyes darted to his mother's; his gaze intensified and fixed on her.

"I told you to never invade my thoughts, mother. I am not a child for you to spy on. You cannot just welcome yourself into anywhere you please!" Sesshomaru hissed at her.

"I didn't mean to, Sesshomaru! Sometimes it just happens!"

Sesshomaru averted his gaze away from her once more, his mother crossing her arms over her chest.

"What I saw, Sesshomaru…it was horrible—"

"I _know_ , mother. I killed them all", Sesshomaru hissed.

"No, that's not what I'm talking about…"

Sesshomaru eyes slowly made their way back to his mother's.

"The pain you felt…and what you said...what happened to Rin that would make you feel such guilt?"

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed on his mother.

"Nothing."

Lady Taisho leaned forward, drawing herself closer to her mysterious and distant son.

"That's a lie, and we both know it! Now, tell me the truth. Who else am I loyal to besides my son and his mate?"

Sesshomaru searched his mother's eyes. He could see that she was not prying, but riddled with concern. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.

"I left Rin to the wolves…and because of my selfishness she was taken by a man…" Sesshomaru's voice halted. The words to difficult to say.

Lady Taisho's eyes widened as she realized what he meant. _Taken? Rin was…_

"She was raped?"

Sesshomaru's eyes flashed opened. His mother's words resounding in his ears, leaving a residual burn. The demon Lord's reaction and silence was answer enough for Lady Taisho.

"And still you claimed her as your mate?"

Lady Taisho's eyes were glazed with shock and confusion. Sesshomaru's face was unmoved, his eyes looking straight at his mother sitting across from him.

"Why wouldn't I claim her? She's my mate."

The Lady didn't move.

"But…she's been taken my another man…tainted…Does that not bother you?"

Sesshomaru's eyes flickered with red as he faced his mother's questioning.

"Does it **_bother_** me?" Sesshomaru's voiced hissed.

"I despise the idea of what happened to her…I hate everything about it! I hate that I wasn't there to protect her. I hate that she endured such pain and trauma. I hate that she was alone. I hate that my own concerns occupied my mind, while she barely survived…"

Sesshomaru looked away from his mother's frozen gaze, his breath heavy as he spoke of the thing that pained him most.

"…What bothers me most is that Rin can love me…that she could want me…after I left her to the wolves…it **_bothers_** me that she can forgive me for leaving her, for allowing that man to hurt her…even when I can't forgive myself. So I ask you, mother, how is she the tainted one? Because she survived? Because she fought back? Because she made it out alive? How is she tainted? Is she guilty for a monster's actions? Is she any less innocent because of **his** unspeakable actions?"

Sesshomaru's voice had shaken with anger and intensity. He eyes finally looked back to his mother.

"I am far more tainted than Rin…and still she claims me."

Sesshomaru closed his eyes and leaned his head back. A long moment of silence passed as Lady Taisho stared at the demon Lord before her. She had seen the intensity within him, she had seen how deeply affected he was by Rin and what had happened to her. Even if it was just a moment, she had glimpsed within her son's mind…and heart.

"Your father would be proud, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru's eyes opened, looking towards his mother.

"And I am proud of the demon you have become as well."

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! ^_^**

 **I want to add something, my own thoughts, especially after this chapter. Being relatively new to the fan fix world (and sharing my own writing) its been an overall awesome experience hearing people's thoughts and reactions to the story I've imagined. And as more critical/negative reviews have come (which I expected) I've tried to be really thoughtful about their criticisms and how I can improve. And I've just had to accept that I can't please everybody (oh well!). However, there is one specific point and criticism that I want to address because it is important to me.**

 **I didn't include sexual assault in Rin's story to sensationalize that type of atrocity. I did not write it in to be cruel or thoughtless with my characters...and hopefully that's how it reads for the most part. I've tried to straddle the fine line of not desensitizing the subject, but also doing the story and the event justice. Sexual assault is NOT rare...sadly. Sexual assault has existed throughout history, and used a hideous tool or war, subjugation and coercion. I included it in Rin's story because it is something real, and it something that readers and writers often shy away from (not just because it's horrible and sad) but also because it's hard to imagine a heroine or love interest that has endured such a thing. But that's exactly why I felt compelled to create this story. Someone who survives sexual assault is just as much worthy of being the love interest/hero as anyone else.**

 **And to the greater and more important criticism I have found. Just because Rin was sexually assaulted doesn't mean she can't be a symbol of INNOCENCE! She is not a rapist. She is not the perpetrator. Innocence is not specifically virginity. And yes, I understand that she may seem "tainted", but to that I say we are all "tainted" by big and small traumas throughout our lives. Innocence is a quality of character. In my eyes, Rin can have survived/endured horrible things and still be innocent; she can still represent goodness, delicateness, and compassion. Yes, I will not deny that my Rin is not as "innocent" as the Rin from the series...but she's also not a child. I tried to bring a realness to her character as an adult, and this is only my interpretation. I hoped to create a character and (fan fic) world where norms and implicit cultural judgments were defied and redefined thoughtfully. I don't think I did this perfectly or flawlessly, but I gave it a go :) Still not offended if the story isn't for you, or not what you're looking for, but I hope this clarifies just a bit.**

 **Ok, all done with the serious talk ^_^ For those of you sticking with the story, thanks for enduring and reading. I appreciate all your support and shared thoughts/excitement. You make it worth it! Until next time...**

 **Frida D**


	19. The Worthy Cause

**A/N: Hey Readers! A big thank you for all your reviews, especially for the reviews of the previous chapter. That one was obviously a more personal one for me :3 Hugs and 'thank yous' to those special readers for the continued support and love, you guys know who you are ;) Your comments have really helped me stick with this story! So here's the next installment, I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Rin walked silently through the corridors of the Western estate. The halls seemed never ending, just like her thoughts. She usually enjoyed long walks like this, walks where she could be alone with herself. But lately her thoughts had haunted her with such ferocity that she preferred to keep busy and avoid the quiet. And for the most part, Rin had been able to do so. However, Sesshomaru and Lady Taisho had left for the day to attend a meeting with his demon council. Lord Sesshomaru intended to declare his resignation to the West, and a period of peace and settlement. Rin had wanted to go, but Lady Taisho warned her that her presence could cause more harm than good. So here Rin was, practically all alone in this mansion of home and left completely to her unnerving thoughts. As hard as she tried, Rin felt like a festering, open wound.

Sesshomaru's words of reassurance had brought her little comfort. _I don't care if he's happy dying for me…how am I supposed to continue on if everything I love is destroyed? Am I supposed to be happy with this?_ Rin couldn't make peace with knowing it was only a matter of time before she'd lose the one thing she now treasured most. _This life is cruel._ As Rin continued to wander down the lavish corridors, her eyes gazed upon the life-like paintings mounted on the towering walls around her. Her eyes fell upon on a portrait of young demon boy with flowing white hair and the violet crescent moon marking on his forehead. _Sesshomaru._ Rin felt her stomach knot. Seeing his delicate face made her hurt. Rin had spent the past couple days avoiding Sesshomaru's touch as much as possible. She felt like she had to prepare herself for the impending loss that was going to come. She was promised no amount time, she could lose him in a matter of years or hours. The uncertainty gripped Rin's lungs and she felt a stinging pang race across her eyes. Rin's gaze darted away from the haunting painting of her mate and landed on a painting of an orange tiger. Rin's mind immediately thought of her former mentor. _Azumi_.

 **[FLASHBACK]**

"…I lost my life to my revenge, Rin. I lost my mother and I lost myself to the fiery war within…"

Azumi pointed to the Daisuke on Rin's hip.

"But that sword is a reminder that you can choose not only what you will die for, but more importantly, what you will choose to **_live_** for..."

"Repeat your Mantra..."

 **[FLASHBACK ENDS]**

Azumi's words echoed through Rin's mind. Rin clenched her hands into fists. _I will not bow to anything…not a man and not this cursed fate. I am Rin._ Rin felt that familiar determination take hold within her, that same fire that kept her alive in the darkest nights of her life. Not a moment later, Rin sprinted back to her room and reached for her blade that had been set aside. She unsheathed the Daisuke and stared at the fine metal. _Help me. I must save Sesshomaru. And I must save myself from this fate._ Rin took a defensive stance, holding the blade in front of her body. She began to sweep the katana, cutting the air around her. Her eyes locked on the fine metal.

"Daisuke, I give you a worthy cause...Do not fail me."

* * *

When Sesshomaru returned from his meeting with the demon council, he felt anxious to be in Rin's presence once more. Leaving her for the day had proven to be far more difficult than he had previously thought, every movement felt labored. When Sesshomaru couldn't find Rin in the public quarters of the estate, he immediately went to their chambers. When Sesshomaru reached their room his eyes landed upon Rin standing in front a large window, looking out over the mountains surrounding the West castle. Sesshomaru stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He felt the strain within his body release as he entered into her presence. _Her aura is so strong._ At the sound of the door closing, Rin turned around and faced the demon Lord.

"Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru began to walk towards her. His body was eager to be close to hers. Even as he walked towards her, he was still surprised by the power of this magnetism that drew him to Rin. Rin quickly lifted her hand, signaling him to stop. Sesshomaru instantly halted and his eyes narrowed in confusion. He knew she was having difficulty accepting the consequences of being his mate. After that night she confronted him, he felt as if their bond was like a fragile and delicate thread. And Sesshomaru felt a tinge of fear that he was losing her already. The demon Lord was trying his best to hide any emotion, any inkling of fear that would scare her away—this was usually no difficult task, but with Rin he felt exposed and vulnerable. But all Sesshomaru could do was hope that he could make her forget, and that he could make her remember what they have now. Rin looked at him firmly.

"I need to say something."

Sesshomaru's chest was tightening, his teeth clenched together as his face remained cool and unmoved. _She doesn't want this._

"Sesshomaru…I accept that I am your mate…I accept that this will weaken you…"

Rin looked into the demon's cool eyes.

"But I will not accept you being taken from me. I will not accept that fate for myself…this is not petty denial. This is my declaration."

Sesshomaru's narrowed eyes fixed on her. _What is she saying?_

"Any battle you fight, I will fight with you. We will live…and die… _together_."

The demon Lord's eyes widened. He looked as if he was about to interrupt Rin, but Rin wouldn't let that happen.

"Because I am truly yours, I will accept that my existence weakens you. If you are truly mine, you will let me choose what I want from you. If you are mine unconditionally, than this is my only demand."

Sesshomaru was stunned by her words. Rin didn't sound panicked or scared. She sounded so calm, so fearless. Not a tear was in her unflinching eyes. Her words echoed in his mind. ' _We will live and_ _ **die**_...together'. His heart tightened within his chest. _I can't let her die. I couldn't let any harm come to my mate._ As much as the thought of her being in harm's way terrified Sesshomaru, her words strangely comforted him. His mate was not a woman who demanded protection or title, she demanded **_him_**. Rin was a woman with conviction and Sesshomaru knew that this very quality that unhinged him, was also the reason he loved this human like to no other creature in this world. _She is bold…_

"Do you agree to my terms?" Rin asked impatiently.

Sesshomaru looked at Rin and then quickly grabbed her waist and pulled her body close to him. He brought his mouth to her ear.

"How could I not, Rin? I am yours."

Sesshomaru pressed his body into her.

"Now, let me have what is mine. You've kept me away too long."

Sesshomaru suddenly stepped back from Rin, her eyes looked at him in mild confusion. The Lord kept his gaze on her and his hands swiftly dismantled his armor, tossing it aside. He unfastened his obi and let his white and red kimono fall to the ground. Rin's eyes widened as the Lord untied his hakama and allowed it to slide down to his feet. Sesshomaru walked towards Rin once more, and Rin felt her body tremble. She felt an undeniable connection to this demon. Even when she wanted to hide or push him away, she felt something within her drawing her nearer to him. It hurt to keep distance between them, and it felt like home to be in his arms. Rin could only surmise that this was the power of being the mate of such a powerful demon. Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes on the contemplative woman before him. He reached his hand out to her.

"Don't keep me from you any longer, Rin."

* * *

[3 Days Later]

"Don't go easy on me, Sesshomaru."

Rin's eyes narrowed on the demon Lord as she took her stance and wielded her blade vertically, directly in front of her body.

"You're tired, Rin. You've had enough combat for today."

Rin clenched her teeth, but remained unmoved. _Focus, Rin. Breathe._ Rin's eyes fixed on Sesshomaru's torso, watching for any movement.

"Sesshomaru, you will know I've had enough when my blade is at your throat."

Rin slowly swept her blade through the air, bringing the Daisuke next to her face.

"Let me see your venomous claws, _Lord_ Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed on Rin. He knew she was trying to agitate him into action, and she knew how her calling him 'Lord' unnerved him.

"Well if you won't…" Rin muttered under her breath.

Suddenly Rin was in flight and a second later she had her blade at the shoulder she had once sunken the Daisuke into. Rin's eyes were locked with Sesshomaru.

"How can I train if you will not truly fight me?" Rin yelled.

"Rin, I cannot fight you—"

Rin brought the edge of the katana to Sesshomaru's throat.

"Sesshomaru, three days now I have given you to follow through on your word. You agreed to my terms, and I accepted the rest. I know you respect me as your mate, now respect me as a warrior. I will hold nothing back, and I expect the same in return."

Sesshomaru stood there, his eyes locked with Rin's, not a word being said. In an instant the Lord moved with striking speed, and within the blink of an eye he now stood behind Rin. His clawed hand to her throat, his sharp nails glowing as the poison waited to be unleashed. Rin turned her gaze over her shoulder and smirked.

"Better…much better."

A moment later Rin suddenly twisted herself, turning into the Lord and allowing his clawed hand to remain at her throat. Sesshomaru's eyebrows knit together in frustration.

"Rin, you are compromised. You've lost."

Rin looked at Sesshomaru and her eyes grinned.

"You are right, Sesshomaru. I am compromised…but so are you."

Rin's eyes looked down and Sesshomaru's followed. His eyes landed on the long edge of the Daisuke parallel to his abdomen. His eyes darted back to Rin.

"Again."

* * *

[1 month later]

Rin walked through the corridors, it was silent and all she could hear was the faint howl of the wind outside the castle walls. It was the middle of night and she couldn't sleep. She hadn't been feeling like herself and the reoccurring nightmares that had followed her kept her from sleeping. She knew Sesshomaru was concerned about her, so Rin pretended that the restlessness was because she wanted to train. She had to keep her part of deal; Rin didn't want Sesshomaru to know how difficult it was for her to face the fact the she was leading him to demise. She said she had "accepted" it, and she had to live by that.

 **[FLASHBACK]**

"Rin I will call for a healer. You haven't slept in days."

Sesshomaru stared at his mate, sitting on the edge of the bed as she lay there. Rin shook her hand in disagreement and Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed on her.

"Sesshomaru, it's just my racing mind…I just need to focus my energy. There's nothing to worry about."

Sesshomaru reached for Rin's wrist and pulled her close to him.

"There is everything to worry about. Rin, you've seemed unlike yourself…"

Rin looked into his eyes, she was tired and her body was fatigued, but she didn't want to face the dreams that awaited her when she gave into the exhaustion. _Even in my dreams, I can't endure losing you._ Rin rested her cheek on the Lord's bare chest. She could hear his strong and steady heartbeat. The rhythm comforted Rin.

"I'm sorry if I've concerned you. The night is just when my mind is most keen…and I enjoy using the time to—"

"Then I will keep you company."

Rin closed her eyes and held Sesshomaru close to her.

"No, Sesshomaru. I need this time alone to focus."

Rin could feel Sesshomaru's body tense against her face. She knew this hurt him, she knew he wanted to keep her from feeling any discomfort…but that was not possible. _Let me protect you, Sesshomaru._ Rin lifted her cheek away and looked at her mate.

"And you're no fun when you haven't rested."

Rin grinned at the Lord and felt his heavy gaze searching her eyes and heart.

 **[FLASHBACK ENDS]**

So when the night would allow her no rest, Rin used this time alone to build the fire within her. Rin would walk all the corridors and repeat her mantra. She would remind herself of the mission and the price she was willing to pay. _I don't care if I am just a human. I will not submit to this. I am Rin._ Every night that Rin walked the estate's grounds, she always found her way down to that one painting of the young Lord Sesshomaru. She would stare at it silently, her eyes tracing every detail of the portrait. She would gaze upon it and time seemed as if it stopped. As Rin stood there she suddenly felt an urge to touch the painting. She reached up and her fingertips just barely touched the textured surface. She smiled just slightly, she felt as if she was touching Sesshomaru himself. Suddenly a sound came from behind her. Rin's eyes darted back behind her to the dimly lit hall.

"Sesshomaru?"

Before Rin could turn her body around her eyes widened as a figure emerged from the shadows.

"Ahh Rin. I've finally found you."

Rin fell down and frantically turned herself around, backing herself up against the wall. Her eyes were wide and her face pale and cold.

"You can't be here!" Rin yelled.

"Oh, but I am Rin. And I am here to take what is mine…"

"You're dead, Hara! I killed you! This isn't real!"

Hara's dark grin spread across his face as he continued closer to the cornered Rin.

"No, Rin. I am not Hara…I am **_fate_**. And I am here to take my vengeance…"

Rin reached for her Daisuke. Hara halted and then threw his head back and let out an insidious laughter. The sound echoed the hallways and sent chills down Rin's spine and made Rin's teeth clench together.

"Rin, you think I want **_you_**? No, that is not my vengeance…"

Rin's eyes widened.

"I will make you pay where it hurts most…I will take all that you love."

Suddenly Hara's figure began to quickly float back into the darkness and his laughter began to echo through the halls. Rin's heart stopped. _Sesshomaru!_ Rin got up and ran as fast as she could to their chambers. She could hear Hara's faint voice. When she reached the door of their quarters she raced in and her eyes fixed on the sleeping Lord and then suddenly on the dark figure approaching his bedside.

"No!" Rin screamed.

Hara's black silhouette reached towards the vulnerable Lord.

"You will lose everything, Rin…"

Closing her eyes, Rin used every drop of strength within her and lunged forward towards her mate. Just as Hara's dark hand descended upon the demon Lord a radiating light pierced through the darkness. Rin opened her eyes and was shocked at the sight before her. She was laying over Sesshomaru, holding the Daisuke up over them. The blade was emanating a powerful red light. The light was tearing Hara's dark shadow of a body into pieces. Rin's eyes traveled down the edge of the sword to her own body. Rin could see that the light was originating from Sesshomaru and herself. Glowing red lines wrapped around her and Sesshomaru's bodies, and the katana wielded the permeating energy. As the fiery lightning encompassed them, Rin began to see a figure appear before them. Suddenly the face was made clear.

"Azumi?"

Rin was so confused. She had had this same nightmare so many times before, but never did she reach Sesshomaru in time; never did she save him; and never did she see her mentor.

"Rin. This is the power of my mother's blade, a blade that sacrifices all and defies all. The metal that helps the worthy cause."

Rin awoke from her sleep, her breath ragged and her heart racing. She had fallen asleep right under the painting she had spent so many hours gazing at. She stood up and looked back to the painting. She was still processing everything, the dream had felt so real. Rin looked around her and then reached up to touch the painting. _It was a dream, Rin. This is real._ As Rin's fingers touched the portrait of her mate, she felt her obi shake and her eyes shifted to her katana. The blade was glowing red. Rin's eyes widened. _Is this real?_

* * *

 ** _A/N: something's a coming! I don't know about you guys, but this chapter's got me psyched lol. Well, I hope you liked it, feel free to review! Thanks for reading! Hope everyone has a good weekend (we made it!)_**

Cheers,

 ** _Frida D_**


	20. God's Speed

**A/N: Hey guys! I apologize for the delay in getting you this next installment. I'm just bouncing back from having a serious case of the stomach flu (which is the absolute worst!), and one of my jobs is teaching aerial silks yoga...so yeah, that was a complete nightmare -_- Anyways, thank you for your patience and thanks for coming back to read! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Rin?" Sesshomaru's low voice whispered.

Rin's eyelids felt heavy as she squinted open her eyes to the demon lying beside her on the bed. Rin turned towards Sesshomaru.

"Yes?" she whispered.

"Are you happy?"

Rin's eyes dawned a look of concern; it worried her when Sesshomaru asked these sorts of questions. He wasn't the type to externally process or ask ambiguous questions.

"Of course, I am."

Sesshomaru shifted and look her straight into her eyes.

"Tell me the truth."

Rin searched his eyes with her own. He looked more concerned than usual. _Why is he asking this? Why does he seem so on edge?_

"What's going on, Sesshomaru?" Rin suddenly asked.

Sesshomaru eyes averted for just a second, and Rin instantly knew something was up.

"Tell me what is going on, **now**."

Sesshomaru slipped one of his hands into Rin's. Rin looked at their interlaced fingers in confusion as the feeling of dread crawled up her spine. Rin looked back to Sesshomaru. _This is bad._

"A Baron of the East is heading for the West..."

Sesshomaru's voiced trailed off. Rin's eyes widened as she connected the dots.

"Why is he coming here?" Rin asked, her voice laced with panic.

Sesshomaru took a long pause.

"To claim my title and territory."

Rin's pupils detracted. She clenched Sesshomaru's hand in hers.

"Tell me everything."

Sesshomaru looked at his mate. He didn't want to fail her…again. He didn't want to hurt her in any way. Sesshomaru had felt completely and utterly changed by this single human. He had never thought he would ever meet something he was so drawn to; someone he felt he needed. Sesshomaru had never considered what it meant to have a mate…an equal.

"He has already taken several villages. He is on his way…we need to prepare."

Rin's look of panic turned to anger.

"Is he a serious threat?"

Sesshomaru's eyes looked away from Rin.

"Rin…"

Rin's eyebrows knit together as she stared at the strange expression on Sesshomaru's face. _What hasn't he told me?_

"My strength has been significantly diminished."

Rin's eyes burned at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Sesshomaru looked back to his mate. _You are worth this. You are worth every cost, Rin._ His eyes stared into hers for a long moment of silence. Rin felt uneasy with Sesshomaru's calm gaze. It felt like a gaze of someone accepting their fate, and Rin was not in the place to accept such a gesture from Sesshomaru.

"I don't care if you're no longer a Lord or powerful demon."

Rin sat up, sitting on her heels atop their bed. She brought her hands to Sesshomaru's face and cupped his face. She stared into his eyes.

"If it comes to it, give him this kingdom, give him this land, this mansion and the title…just don't give up yourself."

Sesshomaru didn't say a word.

"Sesshomaru, you are mine. You're not up for negotiation."

"Rin, I would have nothing. I could give you nothing—"

"Sesshomaru! Stop!"

Rin's hands clenched around his face, keeping his eyes facing her.

"You are not up for negotiation."

Rin dawned a smile, trying to bring her mate some comfort. She slipped her arms around him and hugged him tightly bringing her head to his chest. She could hear his heartbeat once more, the sound that reminded her he was here with her right now. _You don't have to protect me. You don't have to guard yourself around me. I am with you, Sesshomaru. Nothing will change that._ Sesshomaru's arms held Rin tightly as he dropped his chin towards her ear.

"I love you."

Rin felt his hands grasp tighter around her and she melted into his arms.

"I love you, Sesshomaru...nothing will change that."

* * *

Rin knew the time was drawing near. After Sesshomaru had told her that the Baron of the East was heading West she knew that her fight was close. _Focus, Rin_. Rin had been training endlessly. All her thoughts had been focused on finding a way to change this unavoidable curse. And Rin believed that they might just have a fighting chance. Rin stood in her room staring out the window gazing upon the majestic mountains surrounding the estate.

"Azumi…"

Rin brought a hand to the pane of glass.

"If you can hear me…please know I've found something worth living _and_ dying for…Please know I'm giving everything I have to fight for this. I get it now...thank you for fighting for my life when I could not."

Rin heard a shuffling sound from outside and turned her head. She could hear people talking from the public quarters of the estate and wondered what was going on. She hadn't heard any news of visitors. As Rin made her way down the grand staircase she saw the familiar face of an old man walking through the front entrance. Rin's eye's widened in confusion.

"Hiroto?"

Sesshomaru stepped into view and greeted the old man. Rin was now even more confused. Sesshomaru turned back to Rin and faced his dumbfounded mate.

"Rin, I brought Hiroto here because of the agreement we made."

Rin's face was still covered with a look of bewilderment. _What is he talking about? This makes no sense._

"Hiroto, it is good to see you, old friend…but I am confused as to why you're here."

Sesshomaru smirked as he watched his mate try to figure out what he was planning. Before the old man could get a word in, Sesshomaru interrupted.

"Hiroto is here to tattoo me, Rin."

Rin's eyes widened in shock.

" ** _Tattoo_** **_you_**? Why?"

Sesshomaru looked to Hiroto and then extended his arm in the direction of a room. A moment later they proceeded to walk away. Rin was still stunned and standing in the middle of the staircase with her question unanswered. After a moment of shock, she quickly descended the stairs and followed after Sesshomaru. When she reached the room Sesshomaru was sitting down and taking his armor and kimono off. Rin looked to Hiroto and bowed and then shifted her focus to Sesshomaru.

"Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru brought his gaze up to Rin.

"Hiroto, may I have a moment with my wife?"

 _My wife_. Hearing Sesshomaru call her that still caught her off guard, but she liked it. Even now, as he kept her guessing as to what he was doing, he could totally dismantle her with saying those words. Hiroto's wrinkled faced smiled at the Lord and the old man quietly exited the room. Rin stood there in absolute stillness until the door closed behind her.

"What's going on, Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru continued to disrobe.

"It's good you are here, since it is your mark."

Rin's eyebrows knit together. _What? Give me a straight answer!_

"Sesshomar—"

"Rin."

Rin's voiced halted. Sesshomaru's tone sounded so serious.

"You have taken my mark. Now I will take yours."

Sesshomaru watched as Rin processed the statement.

"That was our agreement, that night, was it not? I intend to keep my word."

Rin thought back to the night he was referencing. _That night in forest…_

"You don't have to do thi—"

"I **_want_** to do this, Rin", Sesshomaru interrupted.

He stood from his seat, his upper body unclothed and bare. Sesshomaru walked over to Rin and brought his hands to her torso.

"We are our own clan. You bear the Taisho mark, now I want to bear your mark. Let Hiroto give me the markings you chose for yourself, so they can become ours. Rin…I will wear it proudly."

Rin looked up to him with a gentle smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"Sesshomaru…how is it you do this?"

Sesshomaru's eyebrows knit together as he looked down at her.

"Do what?"

Rin's fragile smile widened.

"How do you manage to turn my frustration into more love for you? How do you get to the heart of me so easily?"

Sesshomaru let a gentle smile spread across his face. Rin's happiness was his own happiness. This was something this demon Lord had never truly known…the power of your happiness being in another. Seeing Rin smile even in the midst of this dangerous time gave Sesshomaru more peace than anything else could. He drew her in close to him and held her tight for a moment. When he finally released her, he looked to the door.

"Hiroto, I am ready."

* * *

"Sesshomaru!" Rin screamed at the top of her lungs.

She was running as fast as she could, but no matter how fast her feet moved, it didn't feel quick enough. All Rin could see was Sesshomaru in the distance, facing the Baron of the East. He hadn't told her he was doing so, and had it not been for Sesshomaru's mother Rin wouldn't have known until it was too late. But Rin couldn't think about that now, she could only focus on getting to Sesshomaru.

When Rin was within fifty feet of the two demon Lords, Sesshomaru looked back over his shoulder and signaled Rin to stop. The look in his eyes sent chills rippling over Rin's body. Rin froze in her tracks. All she could see was the Baron's mouth moving, but she couldn't make out the words. Rin's heart was beating rapidly, and her breath was evading her. _Rin, breathe! Focus!_ Finally the Baron's lips ceased movement, and Sesshomaru nodded his head in a sign of agreement. Not a moment later, Sesshomaru was suddenly by Rin's side. Before Rin could even say a word, Sesshomaru had swept her up in his arms and was gliding over the ground. When Rin's eyes opened they were in their chambers and Sesshomaru was setting her down on their bed. Rin's eyebrows knit together and her eyes flared as she looked up at Sesshomaru.

"What is—"

Sesshomaru suddenly pressed his lips against hers cutting her questioning off. Rin knew something was wrong. She kept her eyes open, staring at the demon kissing her. His eyes were softly closed and his face peacefully calm. Finally he drew his lips from hers and took a knee in front of her, holding her hands in his.

"Sesshoma—"

"Rin", he interrupted.

"I know I told you that I if you accepted me as your mate that I would accept your terms…"

Sesshomaru's eyes lifted from her hands to Rin's worried eyes.

"But I made a promise that I had no intention of keeping, and I must ask that you forgive me, now."

The blood in Rin's face began to disappear. Rin tried to pull her hands away from Sesshomaru's, but he clenched his claws tighter to hold them there.

"Rin, please listen to me…"

Rin felt tears welling in her eyes, this felt all too familiar. This felt like a goodbye.

"Rin, I failed you when I left you all those years ago…I chose my pride and kingdom at the cost of your life and well-being. I can never forgive myself for letting you pay the price. And I swore to myself that I would never let anything hurt you again if I could stop it. And so I must ask you to forgive me now for breaking my promise to you. I cannot watch harm come to you Rin, even if you welcome it. I cannot bear to see you lose anymore because me. One day I hope you can forgive me for all the hurt I brought to you. I hope that you'll be able to forgive me for leaving you one last time."

Before Rin had a chance to say a word, Sesshomaru's lips pressed against hers. Rin tried to open her mouth to speak and as she did so, Sesshomaru was suddenly gone. The warmth of his hands lingered on hers; her panicked eyes scanned the room frantically only to find she was the only one there. Rin jumped off the bed and ran out the door calling Sesshomaru's name. When she finally reached the public quarters, she could see Lady Taisho standing by the front door.

"Lady Taisho! Where is Sesshomaru?"

The Lady turned around and faced her son's mate.

"He's gone, Rin."

Rin ran towards the Lady and grabbed her by the arms.

"Tell me where he's gone! NOW!"

The Lady looked away from Rin, her face covered in grief.

"I cannot tell you, Rin…it was his last request."

Rin dug her fingers into Lady Taisho's arms. She would use force if it called for it.

"Tell me!"

"Rin! Stop that!"

Rin's head turned to the voice chastising her. Her eyes landed on the little green imp standing behind her.

"Rin, Lord Sesshomaru has chosen this, and your safety is our command. Do not threaten Lady Taisho for following Milord's wishes!"

Rin's hands released Lady Taisho. She turned towards Jaken and drew her blade. Jaken squeaked in surprise and jumped back.

"Rin! What do you think you're doing?" the little imp yelped.

Rin looked at him and Lady Taisho.

"I must be at Sesshomaru's side. He cannot fight without me!"

"Rin, you must calm dow—"

" **No**! You don't understand! Sesshomaru cannot leave me now!"

Rin brought the blade to her own throat.

"I will force your hand! You can fulfill your promise to Sesshomaru and break it at the same time. Tell me where he's gone or I will end my own life, here and now."

Jaken's eyes widened in shock, his mouth dropping open. His eyes quickly shifted to Lady Taisho.

"Rin, stop." Lady Taisho's voice was low and calm.

Rin looked to the Lady.

"They're in the forest several miles east from here."

" _They_?"

"Sesshomaru and the Baron of the East...they will end this."

Rin suddenly sheathed the Daisuke and headed towards the door.

"What will you do, Rin?" Lady Taisho asked.

Rin looked back over her shoulder.

"Protect what is mine."

A tear slipped down Lady Taisho's cheek, her head dropped low.

"God's speed, Rin."

* * *

 **A/N: It's. About. To. Go. Down. lol :3 Did you guys enjoy the cutesy scene with Sesshomaru/Hiroto/Rin as much as I did? I've been dreaming that up ever since I revealed that Rin had tattoos ^_^ Finally got to write it in! Well, I hope you enjoyed! And I hope you are all well! Happy reading and writing, friends ;)**

 **Frida**

 **p.s.**

 **Shoutout to Marie Plant for reminding me to post! Thanks for the motivation! ;)**


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